Venting Don’t like sh anymore

[imsotired35]

It doesn't do anything for me anymore but I miss my scars. I do it just to give myself new scars but I hate every second of it and I hate waiting for it to scar over. I don't know why I can't stop wanting more scars. I think part of it is that I want people to know I'm still not well mentally but then I just hide my cuts and scars anyway. I wish so badly that it would help me the way it used to or that I had some other way to sh other than cutting
I did it on my legs because I want more scars there I guess. They have faded a bit now but I spend all my days thinking about cutting and how much I want to cut but then it comes to it and I don't even want to do it.

What I really want right now is to cut on my arms again but as spring and summer are coming up I don't want to do it yet. But I feel like this ALWAYS and I had the whole of autumn and winter last year and I only cut on my arms a few times. So do I really want it or is it the fact that I can't?

 

[blueming]

It feels to me like you don't really want to cut anymore, but maybe the scars represent something to you? Like you said, a part of you wants people to know you're still not well. I used to cut myself regularly as a teenager so I understand that feeling, sometimes cutting was a physical, visual way to let others know that I was in mental pain. It's been years since I stopped self harming and it was difficult, but now I do regret it because it left a bunch of very visible raised scars on my arm and I haven't worn short sleeves in over 10 years. I would love to be able to wear a cute top or dress in public but I'd be too embarrassed :/

 

[GASLIGHTER7000]

i relate to this sm:( i've told myself i "quit" sh, but i still do it sometimes just to form scars. honestly... i really regret cutting so much. my legs are permanently scarred now. in the future i plan to try to get them removed- but i also don't want them to be gone. i feel like theyre a representation of what i endured. my advice to you is to try to quit... because it seems like you don't want to cut anymore. it's not a linear process for sure, and even though im in recovery i still cut often.