Venting Done Trying

[foreverotting]

I can't take anymore of my own bullshit. I'm just going to lay in my bed like my stupid fucking head has ALWAYS wanted. I'm done fighting that. I was doing esketamine which was giving me slight hope, but after I had a panic attack right before going and missed ONE FUCKING DAY they dropped me from the program. What fucking mental health place DROPS A FUCKING DEPRESSED PERSON FOR MISSING A FUCKING DAY FUCK YOU FOR GIVING UP ON ME. I'm done with my medications. Every time I miss a dose or don't take it on time I feel like SHIT I CANT TAKE THIS LIFE ANYMORE. Im just going to rot in my bed till the day I die because apparently my brain is just bored of everything. If i die or get some stupid seizure from abruptly stopping my medications, so be it. Half the problem is the medications anyway. Fuck this life, I'm tired of living for others. What a fucking pain. So maybe today will be the day I just say fuck it all, or maybe I'll get over this breakdown. I don't care anymore to be honest, if I do or not. I've came to the conclusion that this is how my life will be and my brain will forever just be bored of everything despite me trying so desperately to not feel bored and be in tune with my emotions. I wish I grew up like a normal kid with a normal family with normal friends and a normal fucking brain.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you suffer so unbearably. It sounds so frustrating what you are going through and I know that it is hard to carry on when you are so tired of everything. This life really can be so unfair. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[NothingElseMatters]

you and me both pal.

 

[Why Me?]

I wish I grew up like a normal kid with a normal family with normal friends and a normal fucking brain.

Yup, me too. I also know that there are people who have had major successful lives regardless, so I tried so hard to be one of those people, but that didn't work for me either. Settling for a life where I'm stuck in the bed is tormenting, so what am I left with now that my faith has practically run out at 41. I hope things get better for you.

 

[Capsaicin78]

In my case, I just accepted the harsh truth : I will never be happy in life. It's just as easy as that.

I wish you the best in your situation though, fuck them for dropping a mentally ill person for one little mistake. Society really is unbelievable