Does your failed attempt haunt you?

[takemenowpls]

I know my failed attempt not only haunts me but it also makes me feel dumb. The saddest part about it was knowing I had a way out and it gave me comfort. Then I found out it never would have caused ctb. Now I'm a lost soul. I truly thought the day I took all those pills it was going to work. I even said goodbye to everyone like an idiot. Anyone else now feel lost or afraid to try again?

 

[takemenowpls]

I can't believe no one feels like this. I guess I am truly alone

 

[Nirrend]

Hello dear @takemenowpls

I'm sorry, I wated to answer earlier but I forgot ..

I understand you when you are talking of "Haunting Memories", LIke you I've failed many attempts in the past, and during the few days and weeks that passed, I was doing the scenario and each action again in my head.

As I could modify the mistakes I made

I tended to dream of it, I tended to wish to die very quickly, because I ended in Psychiatry ... Such an horrible moment.

You're not alone and I understand how much you're desesperate and angry to have fail with benzo. As we talked in DM, I know it's hard, but be patient and I'm sure that you'll find what you are seeking for !

In any cases, sending you hugs !

See you soon <3

 

[takemenowpls]

nirrend

Thank you ever so much for answering. I'm so fucking sad today. Just really wanted someone to vent to and maybe hear what they went through. I was so happy to see YOU answered. Made me smile so thank you.

 

[Nirrend]

nirrend

Thank you ever so much for answering. I'm so fucking sad today. Just really wanted someone to vent to and maybe hear what they went through. I was so happy to see YOU answered. Made me smile so thank you.

I'm glad if you feel better now <3

Do not hesitate if you want to talk friend <3

See you soon !

 

[theboy]

When I had failed attempts I felt the same as you. I'm also afraid to try again...

 

[burglarlydante]

I'll try as many times needed for me to die
Dying is the only option for me

 

[takemenowpls]

Agreed but it's so difficult. And not to mention to possibility of failure. Causing damage and ending up in a nut house. But my life is still filled with more coming. Soon I will have the courage to finally CTB. Just need to research and plan to succeed. Keeping in mind no method is painless

 

[GasMonkey]

Keeping in mind no method is painless

False.

 

[Hollowillow]

I know my failed attempt not only haunts me but it also makes me feel dumb. The saddest part about it was knowing I had a way out and it gave me comfort. Then I found out it never would have caused ctb. Now I'm a lost soul. I truly thought the day I took all those pills it was going to work. I even said goodbye to everyone like an idiot. Anyone else now feel lost or afraid to try again?

I guess it does haunt me. I'm 42, when I was 11 I took a knife but failed to slice my wrists, not even a scratch. I tried across, would have failed. I often wish I hadn't. I tried to go freeze in the woods & cut there. The cold would have stopped the blood. A neighboor stopped me when I said goodbye... My mother never comforted me. Just sent me back to bed I guess. How I wish I had died that day... So much abuse & physical pain.

What haunts me is other people's failures. I want partial hanging now. Someone failed 25 times. Saw 2 article on fully paralyzed mute people, maybe full hanging, I hope partial won't break my neck. I wonder if they can't move from brain damage... Maybe I should build a guillotine.

 

[przeciwwymiotne]

I know my failed attempt not only haunts me but it also makes me feel dumb. The saddest part about it was knowing I had a way out and it gave me comfort. Then I found out it never would have caused ctb. Now I'm a lost soul. I truly thought the day I took all those pills it was going to work. I even said goodbye to everyone like an idiot. Anyone else now feel lost or afraid to try again?

I'm honestly ashamed that I thought it would be easy to ctb, I feel like an idiot

 

[thebunny]

yes, my recent failed attempt still haunts me because god, i wish that it worked.

it's embarrassing and heartbreaking to wake up the morning after chugging down a bunch of pills with alcohol and saying goodbye to loved ones. questioned myself and everything else several times the day after.

"why didn't it work? am i just destined for failure?"​

i think the feeling you get after a failed attempt is far worse than the feeling you were having before and during the said attempt because all the regret, shame, and guilt hits you hard. after mine, i became this lost cause of a human being, devoid of happiness or any optimism. it's exhausting. it's exhausting because everyday after that day, i kept wishing that it worked. everyday after that day, i suffer.

however, just like they all say, learn from your mistakes. i know damn well that i will the next time i'll attempt again.

i do empathize with you and i'm sorry that you're having such a horrible feeling to bear with everyday. it's okay to feel scared of trying again, we all feel that way so i hope you know that you're not alone on this. i do hope that you find peace within yourself soon. perhaps not now, but when you are truly ready. best of wishes to you