Does anyone here feel so abused and used that their just like "fuck it I'll just die?"

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I feel this. Like no matter what, no matter how much I "heal" I'll stilll deal with shit people, trauma, and triggers, so why not end it now

Oh wait I'm too much a of busy who's afraid of pain thats why :(

 

[DoNotLet2]

Somewhat relatable not to extreme extent but yeah.

 

[SpottedPanda]

I feel trapped, my living situation, the animosity at home, and a few other things.

The more it crosses my mind the more I do think fuck it, might as well end it here.

If only it was that easy. I just hope my efforts towards suicide prove fruitful when the time comes.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Yeah I feel trapped.

 

[EraseRewind]

I'm trapped by my own self hate, I would love to have sustained mental recovery. I've been clean and sober for five years, I can do that but I can't let go of the bad stuff I did before I got into recovery. I've paid my dues to the state but still I reject every idea I have to move on, others try to move me on and encourage but I undermine everything and just give up.

I'm starting to believe that "fuck it I'll just die" is inevitable for me.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I'm trapped by my own self hate, I would love to have sustained mental recovery. I've been clean and sober for five years, I can do that but I can't let go of the bad stuff I did before I got into recovery. I've paid my dues to the state but still I reject every idea I have to move on, others try to move me on and encourage but I undermine everything and just give up.

I'm starting to believe that "fuck it I'll just die" is inevitable for me.

I know, its inevitable for me too.

I feel trapped, my living situation, the animosity at home, and a few other things.

The more it crosses my mind the more I do think fuck it, might as well end it here.

If only it was that easy. I just hope my efforts towards suicide prove fruitful when the time comes.

To be honest, I feel you. I want this for myself. I can't....keep going on like this. Its just too hard.

I think...as shitty as my mom was....I can see where she was coming from

I remember seeing her so depressed in her marriage and within herself she alway wants to die. In a way, I wish she succeeded. Then I wouldn't have been here

 

[sadbunny]

Actually, yeah. It's exhausting fighting against everyone and everything. Especially when it's constantly happening, I'm just so ready to throw in the towel and forfeit at life.

 

[Torbasco]

I relate way too well. I've lost everything, and I'll never get any of it back. I wish I had someone, anyone at all with me, but I'm so far past redemption I know it won't matter. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore, I just want to pass away peacefully.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I relate way too well. I've lost everything, and I'll never get any of it back. I wish I had someone, anyone at all with me, but I'm so far past redemption I know it won't matter. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore, I just want to pass away peacefully.

Same. I have hurt many people. I hate the monster I became

 

[Torbasco]

Same. I have hurt many people. I hate the monster I became

I assure you that you're not a monster, you've been through a lot and it wasn't your fault. You've had so much trauma to deal with and it's okay to rely on people.

 

[ghostgirl1995]

I feel this, I wish I could go back and undue things I've said and done. I can't stop thinking about it over and over. Breaking my own heart daily.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I

I assure you that you're not a monster, you've been through a lot and it wasn't your fault. You've had so much trauma to deal with and it's okay to rely on people.

I suppose. I just know that my trauma isn't an excuse for abusive behavior. And when I rely on people always end up lashing out at the and hurting them :(

I feel this, I wish I could go back and undue things I've said and done. I can't stop thinking about it over and over. Breaking my own heart daily.

I feel this. Your profile pic of Usagi sums up the feelings nicely

 

[Torbasco]

I suppose. I just know that my trauma isn't an excuse for abusive behavior. And when I rely on people always end up lashing out at the and hurting them :(

I ended up doing the same, and I hurt a lot of people in the end. But it'll be okay, I'm sure they'll understand in the end that you were going through a lot.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I ended up doing the same, and I hurt a lot of people in the end. But it'll be okay, I'm sure they'll understand in the end that you were going through a lot.

I dunno....I feel the more I keep away the more I see how assholish people are

 

[Torbasco]

I dunno....I feel the more I keep away the more I see how assholish people are

Some people are just assholes unfortunately. Some assholes really ruined my life.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Some people are just assholes unfortunately. Some assholes really ruined my life.

Ugh same. Its like on one hand to live you need to trust people, but when trusting people has lead to abuse upon abuse upon abuse, even people who are supposed to help you (mental health professionals, police, etc,) you learn to give up. I feel jealous of those who are able to have great relationships and a better life. But that isn't everyone

 

[Notwinnernotawin]

Yes, I somehow feel trapped too. And suicide it's the only way out.

 

[lostangel]

I feel this. Like no matter what, no matter how much I "heal" I'll stilll deal with shit people, trauma, and triggers, so why not end it now

Oh wait I'm too much a of busy who's afraid of pain thats why :(

Yes, unfortunately. I don't even want to live after all that I've been through. I get many flashbacks and its hell.

 

[Sideswipe]

I feel like every day I'm just waiting for the right excuse so that my family have the thought "well we knew that was coming" so it distresses them less. My uncle hung himself on my last ctb date that I bailed out of. 31st Jan he did it. I was supposed to be going 2/2 but shit went tits up and I came home only to find that out. My family was in shreds. I was angry at him for his choices. He could have spoken to me and I would have helped make it peaceful, even gone with him. Nah, he hung himself in a shed... for that reason I had to put it off for a while. By then I had realised my so called "Partner" was a fake and just an illusionist.
Bringing me to the current era. No escape from lockdown and kids don't even have school. I'm not allowed to see my friend that actually does get me due to Police putting a boundary law in place on both of us. (To stop us seeing each other but worded as "community protection")

I'm so lost not even a compass would know where North is in my head

Ugh same. Its like on one hand to live you need to trust people, but when trusting people has lead to abuse upon abuse upon abuse, even people who are supposed to help you (mental health professionals, police, etc,) you learn to give up. I feel jealous of those who are able to have great relationships and a better life. But that isn't everyone

I had this conversation with my daughter last night. Explained to her that her last name carries a tag that will follow her around like a bad smell. In order to live a fulfilled life she needs to hide where she is from and keep her head down or the same shit will hit her fan. I want to be a complete isolated person from society. I'm not allowed

 

[ERASED]

Every pain staking minute of the fucking day.

 

[RedShoes]

My boyfriend and my cat keeps me going. Not sure how long my boyfriend will be around for though.

 

[ERASED]

My boyfriend and my cat keeps me going. Not sure how long my boyfriend will be around for though.

At least you have someone's. Some have nothing. Ihave nothing.

 

[RedShoes]

At least you have someone's. Some have nothing. Ihave nothing.

Awesome! Thanks for the support.

 

[Suicidefantasy]

Yes. This is primary the reason I want to go. Everyone in my life has been shit and Abusive to me. My family, friends, boyfriend even he's the worst. It feels almost easier to just say fuck it and die.