Story Does anyone feel they’ve overstayed on this site?

[flakeyknight]

I've been here for a long time. Before this account I lurked around and had other accounts. Looking at old threats feel kinda sad seeing the inactive and deleted accounts. I wonder if some of the inactive account owners CTBd without telling us and how they're doing. I also kinda have a habit of making posts and not responding and feel bad for it, not really the best at following up. I've seen day old accounts come and ctb shortly and feel bad seeing others living situations so unbearable while mines isn't bad enough for me to want ctb immediately. It seems like accounts really don't last long here. Every new year I see fewer people from when I signed up. Always new accounts made in the current year or the previous. Even a 2 year old account seems very old. Maybe it's because I don't check often until I'm in a ctb phase but I don't think I've seen many accounts over 4 years old active when I return

 

[Pale_Rider]

Not really. There is nowhere else on the internet to say what I need to say.

 

[itsoverforme303]

This is a safe space, friend. You'll never be judged here.

 

[IndictEvolution]

Like others have said, there is nowhere else on the internet these days to interact with people who won't try to pathologize and demean and threaten and censor you for every fucking little thing you say. Seems like 90% of the internet now is just fucking trolls who get off on fucking with people. The internet is also heavily controlled by corporations now, and they use all sorts of tools to censor and manipulate you, and even as much as people talk about it, it's not enough. People should be constantly reminding themselves of this fact every minute they're using social media sites and youtube etc. because it is that prevalent and pervasive. It deeply disturbs and upsets me to watch what has been happening to the internet over the past decade. (It's been evolving in this shitty way for longer than that, I just say a decade because that's about how long I've been active on it).

Basically, the trolls and corporations won. The shitty side of humanity has once again completely FUCKED what was originally a wonderful thing, once again proving what a disgusting parasite humanity is.

 

[DOHARDTHINGS24]

I recently hit my one year anniversary here - that's the first time I've said that to anyone. I feel a great deal of shame - I had planned to be dead within weeks of joining, the end of 2024 as the absolute latest. And still here. Some days the shame is almost enough to make me quit, but then I think, where else would I go???
Other than my bus ride outta here

 

[bankai]

I'll haunt this place even after I'm dead.

 

[JesiBel]

There is no rush to "leave." For some it will be just days, or months, or years... Everyone will know when "it's time."

I've learned a lot since I've been here. I came to the forum with misconceptions about the methods, and this site helped me find the right one for me.

I have been able to talk about various topics and share thoughts with other people who are going through the same difficulties or problems as me (even others) It is also useful for interacting or feeling accompanied.

It's hard to determine what happened to the owners of the 'abandoned accounts'... perhaps they've ctb silently, or something happened to them, or their lives have significantly improved and they've changed their minds.

 

[_Gollum_]

I recently hit my one year anniversary here - that's the first time I've said that to anyone. I feel a great deal of shame - I had planned to be dead within weeks of joining, the end of 2024 as the absolute latest. And still here. Some days the shame is almost enough to make me quit, but then I think, where else would I go???
Other than my bus ride outta here

I know what you mean, I'm in almost in the exact same boat; I joined in March 2024 right after an attempt, and was planning on making another (hopefully successful) attempt shortly after. Didn't think I'd even be on here for a month. Here I am now 14 months later, having unmistakably missed the window of opportunity that allowed me to make that first attempt, and not knowing when it will--if ever--open up again....

OP, I also feel I've overstayed my welcome, both in life and on this site. Most people from my original "cohort" are gone, either from CTB or life changes. I have a foreboding that come this time next year, I'll still be here, one of the last ones remaining.

 

[OutOfTime]

There is no rush to leave or obligation to stay here. It's the kind of place you can just be at or not be at depending on what you want. Nobody will tell you to go or demand you stay.

 

[bhaloo]

Good Lord I have been here since December and still haven't figured out how to get SN.

 

[Carrot]

If you want to stay you should fill out a form every year explaining why are you not dead yet.

 

[unworthy_]

I have been here since 2021 if not mistaken but physically I have lived 39y. I am tired.
Dont get me wrong, I am grateful for my family, pets and friends. But there is smtg in me that I could not explain. This void, emptiness, meaningless life... I do not know how to be happy anymore. At least not depressed. I just dont know how. After recently, all my dreams are gone... It just crushed me to the deepest core....
This forum is helping me cope whenever I am at my lowest. I am thankful. I wont be having issue getting the things needed but to actually do it, I do not know when. I know suicidal provides a peace of mind but the more important question is when...

 

[Pluto]

 

[Apathy79]

I've been here a fair while and look like being here a fair while longer. Everyone has their own reasons for coming here. Imminent ctb isn't the only one.

 

[timechained]

I came for a new method, didn't find one, but stayed for the community.

"Overstay" implies an expectation that you should kill yourself otherwise your a failure and you don't deserve to be here.

If you're not ready, you're not ready, doesn't mean you can't talk it out with other like-minded people - could just be the thing you need.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

In less than 2 weeks it's my 2nd SaSu anniversary (or birthday?).

Two years ago I couldn't ever imagine being here in 2025 even at the end of 2023 I couldn't see my self surviving 2024.

SaSu community is one of the reasons why I'm still here. My situation didn't get worse.

Things often turn out differently than you think.

I don't feel guilty for still being around. We can stay here on this planet as long as we want.

 

[DOHARDTHINGS24]

Here I am now 14 months later, having unmistakably missed the window of opportunity

Hindsight is such a bitch. I was naive/unrealistic/fucking stupid about the available windows of opportunity in my life. With that hindsight, I think my best window was just after P & Joe went, that was my sweet spot. I now have to try & recreate those circumstances or find a way to forge through & create a window where a window simply isn't...

OP, I also feel I've overstayed my welcome, both in life and on this site.

Same.

Most people from my original "cohort" are gone, either from CTB or life changes.

Same, mine all buses tho. Which is good in it's way. A win is a win, they got what they wanted, they proved my method successful repeatedly.
They just broke my fucking heart doing it.

I have a foreboding that come this time next year, I'll still be here, one of the last ones remaining.

If I'm still here, I'll fucking kill myself

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I haven't been on here long but starting to feel like I don't belong here (here we go again). I don't belong anywhere (poor me, I know), which is kind of the point.

 

[DOHARDTHINGS24]

I haven't been on here long but starting to feel like I don't belong here (here we go again). I don't belong anywhere (poor me, I know), which is kind of the point.

Hey, I'm not up for new people, no time... But if you try, you might find a tribe here. Or just one person, that might be the exact right person. For me, I knew I wasn't changing my mind or my method & stuck mostly to people who weren't changing their mind & using the same method, & within that found my peeps. Made life easier, I can't save people looking for recovery, I can't help with other methods etc.
Maybe look for people from your country or your age bracket or same philosophical point of view or religion or atheists or seek out the opposites instead.
This place has been one of the greatest blessings of my life - I wasn't looking to find anyone, I still found peeps & peeps found me & I am forever changed. I think if I was still open for more, that would keep happening. I had a hard heart & a protective shell & a very clear "I don't want friends here" policy - I'm just here to learn how to die. But people here can be sneaky & wedge their way into your life & your heart & then possibly break it. As in all things, it is what you make it (or in my case, allowed it, begrudgingly - & I'm just so grateful that happened, even though it wasn't the plan). Best of luck to you.

 

[Blank_]

In less than 2 weeks it's my 2nd SaSu anniversary (or birthday?)

I haven't opened sasu for most of last year. it makes me really sad to see that most people i talked to in 23 are inactive now. and there's no way of telling if they're really gone or not.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I haven't opened sasu for most of last year. it makes me really sad to see that most people i talked to in 23 are inactive now. and there's no way of telling if they're really gone or not.

I can say that I never lost so many good people ever in my life in such a short amount of time.

Some CTBed, some disappeared.

Uncertainty is the worst.

 

[deathisapanacea]

I recently hit my one year anniversary here - that's the first time I've said that to anyone. I feel a great deal of shame - I had planned to be dead within weeks of joining, the end of 2024 as the absolute latest. And still here. Some days the shame is almost enough to make me quit, but then I think, where else would I go???
Other than my bus ride outta here

Same here. Joined March 2024 through another ID. While I found a lot of information about novel suicide methods, I am still nowhere close to committing suicide today than I was a year back. Feeling ashamed . Everytime someone posts a goodbye thread I feel so angry on myself. I would have ideally wanted to spend no more than a couple of months here. Here's what my SaSu journey should have been.

Join the forum
Introduce yourself and vent out for a couple of weeks
Make some friends
Read up about SN
Procure all the ingredients
Fix a CTB date
Chill out till CTB date
Write a Goodbye post
CTB

Unfortunately I am still stuck in step 1. But i am confident that I will not be around to celebrate my 5th or 10th anniversary here . I will be gone within another year through SN.