Does anyone else feel like they're being punished?

[BitterlyAlive]

I feel like life is such a horrible strain. Yet I also feel like I'm just getting what I deserve.

I honestly don't know what I feel so condemned for. Maybe it's the nature of depression? Stupid "trauma"? Or maybe I'm just a lazy piece of garbage. Other people have been through more than me yet they're actually successful. The only thing I was ever good at was college.

 

[korosenai]

I feel like life is such a horrible strain. Yet I also feel like I'm just getting what I deserve.

I completely agree, all the bad things that have happened to me in life I deserve, catching the bus is my retribution.

So many people other people have gone through worse and been in a tougher spot than me but they've worked hard to make their life successful. Meanwhile i'm just a lazy half assed piece of shit who would rather take the easy way out. Although for me I never really was good at anything, all I want to do is sleep all day

 

[Good4Nothing]

I feel like I'm being punished, but I don't think I deserve it.
I'm doing the best I can with what I was given. I try to be a good person...
My best just isn't good enough.

 

[Close_to_freedom]

Yes.

 

[Mr2005]

I got what I deserved

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I try to be a good person... My best just isn't good enough.

Honestly this is so relatable. And even when I try to be good, I still end up being toxic and make people uncomfortable/scare them off. At least people on here don't seem too bothered yet.

"In the End" by Linkin Park is running thru my head now. RIP Chester.

...the easy way out. Although for me I never really was good at anything, all I want to do is sleep all day

I think my parents and friends will be very disappointed in me if I can manage to kill myself, seeing it as the "easy way out". God, I want to sleep all day too, but depression makes sleep into a crappy game of Russian Roulette.

 

[Living sucks]

Yes!! Every time I think it can't get worse, it does. And everything bad that happens now I feel like I am being punished for something. And that includes what happened to me today Every time I think it can't get worse, it does. And everything bad that happens now I feel like I am being punished for something. And that includes what happened to me last night!! Torturing punishment

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Yes … Some of it I brought on myself but the last few years have really been SHIT !!!

 

[GoBack]

Yep, not by some higher power just by some people. And so I punish myself for being punished. So fun

 

[Klee]

I feel like the girl who falls down The Labyrinth. Around every corner is another riddle. Frustrating, confusing, struggle through that one, and then another riddle, and another, and another.

 

[Red]

...Then David Bowie is there with his codpiece and you just need an ADULT...

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Yes the universe/simulation hates me

 

[SpottedPanda]

If I believed in God I might feel like I was being punished. I don't, so no. It's the same way I feel about the complaint that life isn't fair. Who would make it fair? Who's punishing you.

Life in itself is quite punishing and unforgiving.

A strange thing I feel is a superstitious sense of karma. If bad things come my way, in particular animosity from another person, I always look to some kind of cosmic justice that's to blame. That's nothing short of irrational paranoia though, a fact I have to keep reminding myself of.

 

[rikamonie]

i dont feel punished but i do feel cursed, anything good that happens to me is always taken away from me soon after, nothing good ever stays in my life, nothing that makes me happy ever lasts

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

I do feel like being punished, it's common in people with depression... Probably just a way to rationalize suffering that crushed you

 

[lostangel]

Yes, I feel I'm being punished for something I have done in my past life. Or maybe some people are just meant to lose so others can win.

 

[Samsa]

Oh, definitely yes, and I could list a lot of examples. Just the most recent one: When this whole Corona Shutdown began, I decided (with an extremely strong will and energy) to start working on myself and get rid of the many, many problems I have. Some of them are physical health issues. So I started with great ambition and actually felt like never before in my life a determination and focus that gave me great motivation and almost a kind of ease and the mental stability of being light about things that had/have happened to me in the past or presence. One month later, my physical condition even got worse. I am having more problems now than before. I am now having to live with the perspective of at least once in my lifetime having to undergo a very difficult surgery with no guarantee that I would have to undergo this again afterwards. Not going to go into details which part of my body it is but for a man it's absolutely shocking. Since then, I have been living with a lot of pain every single day. And because of this new condition, I'm running out of time, because I don't want to undergo this surgery - but I feel the necessity of it is growing with great speed.I have been suffering from a lot of other chronic physical issues like migraines and back pain, but this new complication is really taking away a lot of my will to keep living, because I'm just 30 years old and you normally should not have these kinds of problems at my age. So I am asking myself, why does that happen, the very moment I seriously intended to change my life for the better after there had been a lot of "free wheel" and resignation in the previous years? Definitely feels like punishment for me.

 

[WarRunner]

I do feel like I am being punished for all the terrible things I've did while on my manic moments.

 

[Bct]

The world is unjust. Good & bad things that happened to me weren't always related to deeds I've done in the past. So I don't think I'm being punished, but I feel I deserve it because of how shitty I am.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

Oh, I can relate! I can even give you the list of reasons why I deserve such torment and punishment; I really am a horrible person.

I can also relate to being good at academics - I have five or six degrees. I collect them and have lost count...

 

[Rn110bg101]

Yeah, all the time. With everything that happened, it probably wouldn't be too far off to say I'm being punished for something…

… If reincarnation and/or God is real, then I must have effed up pretty badly in my old life. (Wish I knew how, or if it was even worth it.)

 

[WarRunner]

Maybe it's my mania moments that made me never get close to Michelle.

 

[737492]

I feel the same, but I don't feel like the punishment is necessarily for anything. It's more like there's some higher being that just enjoys tormenting me.

 

[Darksektori]

I'm sure most feel the same way, it took awhile for me to see through the smoke and mirrors of how "I should never loose hope or I have to keep fighting." You ever watch Charlie Brown and that wa! wa! noise the adults make when they're talking that's what I hear when someone tries shoving their warped logic about the "sanctity of life" down my throat. About how I need to "tough it out" I'd rather swallow a handful of cyanide capsules then be lectured on how i decide my own fate.

 

[EraseRewind]

I am being punished, I made a serious error that led to trouble in my past and I lost many things. No matter what I have been told there is no recovery from my past, whatever I do it's there to remind me. I tried to ctb three times each with bigger doses but I couldn't even get that right, just a lot of pain and lasting effects.

They tell me I may have already had COVID too, so I could even have some immunity, no out that way then.

 

[MeriDeath]

I feel like life is such a horrible strain. Yet I also feel like I'm just getting what I deserve.

I honestly don't know what I feel so condemned for. Maybe it's the nature of depression? Stupid "trauma"? Or maybe I'm just a lazy piece of garbage. Other people have been through more than me yet they're actually successful. The only thing I was ever good at was college.

Well, I feel like I was punished since the very first day I was born. Like I'm some kind of joke to everyone and I'm purely a mistake.
But I feel you, I was never good at anything either.
Some people haven't lost their will to live which is good, but also giving up doesn't mean you're weak.
Depression has no cure for us and sometimes you're being rational about exiting because you have no choice. Other people have something to rely on, unlike us.
Don't treat yourself as a piece of garbage but rather a person who has tried but he Doesn't win at life. Which is ok.

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

I feel like I'm being punished for being born.
Everything good to me always gets destroyed and so I've always felt that I'm cursed. I feel like life is tormenting me by forcing me to survive suicide attempts. I can't get out!

 

[Emily123]

My life is shit. But I never had a feeling that I was punished . who punished me?

 

[WeepingWillow]

Absolutely

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

Yes