Does anyone else feel forced to CTB?

[Butterfly-death]

Like you're backed into a corner because you know you have no future and already ruined your life in way. So if you don't CTB things will only get worse for you. I can't see it getting better for me and as anxious as I am to CTB I have no choice but to do so since if I don't I'm worse off. Anyone else going through this? It feels so dreadful

 

[Rando337595]

Yes. I love my life. But I've developed chronic insomnia. Life isn't worth living if you can't sleep.

 

[Redhand5]

Like you're backed into a corner because you know you have no future and already ruined your life in way. So if you don't CTB things will only get worse for you. I can't see it getting better for me and as anxious as I am to CTB I have no choice but to do so since if I don't I'm worse off. Anyone else going through this? I feels so dreadful

Yes, I'm right in the same corner as you are. I truly don't wish to die but there isn't an option for that now. If only things had gone differently then the skies would be blue and the breeze cool.

 

[lilyistootired]

Like you're backed into a corner because you know you have no future and already ruined your life in way. So if you don't CTB things will only get worse for you. I can't see it getting better for me and as anxious as I am to CTB I have no choice but to do so since if I don't I'm worse off. Anyone else going through this? I feels so dreadful

Yeah I entirely feel this way. I don't want to CTB per se, but I don't want to have to constantly struggle to function either. But there's no universal force or person who's going to magically change that even if I tell myself there is so my options are to just suffer for decades in delusional hope or accept that this is never going to change and perhaps one day take matters into my own hands and get some peace even if I never get to be fixed like I wish I would be.

 

[nails]

yes! this is exactly how i feel and it's awful. i always think out possible scenarios where i could live happily, i make out a plan, but then i remember those few facts of my existence that will make a peaceful life impossible. it's the most crushing feeling. it makes my stomach turn and my chest hurt whenever i think about it. knowing that i don't even have a chance (and probably never had one) is a fact that i still haven't gotten over, i just can't deal with it. it doesn't feel like i'm taking things into my own hands or leaving on my own accord, i'm only doing it out of necessity.
i'm sorry you have to deal with this as well, i hope you find peace.

 

[breachswapper]

yeah. sometimes i feel more like i'm being murdered soon rather than feeling like i'm killing myself.

 

[enne]

i'm beyond trapped

 

[gr33navocad0]

Yes daily, it slowly gets worse day after day

 

[Aren]

Like you're backed into a corner because you know you have no future and already ruined your life in way. So if you don't CTB things will only get worse for you. I can't see it getting better for me and as anxious as I am to CTB I have no choice but to do so since if I don't I'm worse off. Anyone else going through this? It feels so dreadful

Yes exact same feelings. Trapped between pain or pain... So need to.

 

[bhaloo]

Same here. I am a victim of a global conspiracy to incriminate me in the worst possible way or kill my self. Everyone is forcing me to kill my self or go to jail on false charges

 

[logar]

Yeah. I'm just completely fucked. Everything in my life has always been working against me and the walls are realy starting to close in for me. I've completely given up honestly. Every time I imagine of being happy, I just remember that I will never be able to reach that point because of all the problems with myself, my life, and everything else. It sucks. I'm so so sorry that you have to bear this pain. I really hope that life gets better and that a path will show up for you :)

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Yes. I don't want to, but life has painted me into a corner.

 

[thereishope220]

Like you're backed into a corner because you know you have no future and already ruined your life in way. So if you don't CTB things will only get worse for you. I can't see it getting better for me and as anxious as I am to CTB I have no choice but to do so since if I don't I'm worse off. Anyone else going through this? It feels so dreadful

Nobody knows what the future holds for them. Life has a way of turning itself around sometimes. But, I do get what you're saying.

 

[qetyioxz]

Life's really forced my hand...

 

[itsgone2]

Yes. Too many bad choices. It's over. Wish I didn't have to do some violent act, but it's the only way.

 

[SMeOand]

Sorta theres something thats upcoming for me that if it goes wrong for me I almost certainly CTB right after

 

[eternallyjanedoe]

Yeah... it feels like my life is in some endless loop; I feel good, I get betrayed, I feel anger, emptiness, and sadness and I remember how many times it's happened before. I always think it's getting better, but it just repeats.

With my flawed logic, I easily get cornered and think, "if so many people are allowed to abandon me, then why can't I abandon myself?"

Life is a cruel beast, but I can't help but grasp onto her... even if I would like to let go. I feel like I can't hold on much longer, though.

 

[ih34rty0u]

i think ive always felt that way about CTB. i wish things had turned out differently for me, but it's only getting worse. i just want my life to be over and it's taking so long, i don't know how much waiting i can handle.