Does anyone else deeply regret not ctb sooner?

[chxse88]

I've been carrying a really strong resentment toward myself lately. I'm genuinely pissed that I stuck around for as long as I did and prolonged my own suffering, especially because I kept convincing myself that my situation could somehow get better. I pushed so hard for things to change and tried everything I could to make my situation better, but somehow only ended up making things worse in the process. It just makes me sad looking back and realizing how much I put myself through while believing all that effort would eventually lead to something better.

 

[blinkblink]

hell the fuck yes. on my first serious attempt i stopped because i saw a ladybug climb on my arm and i thought it was a sign to not ctb. ive had hundreds of times, almost constantly having thoughts like "shoulda done it when it was easy and all set up". ever since then i've just gone thru shit and i wish i did it then.

 

[hihi2027]

When I was 12, I told myself I would ctb by 18. Well its been years and I still haven't done it. I've had attempts before but they always failed. I had a chance before but blew it like I always do and now I deeply regret not taking the chance and live constantly wishing I ctb'd back then. I'm glad you at least tried to push to make things better for yourself even if it didn't work out in the end.

 

[Passenger4224]

I feel that same regret when I postpone a CTB attempt. Try not to be too hard on yourself over how long you've stuck around. It's better to CTB with complete certainty, and sometimes it takes a lot of failed recovery effort to convince yourself there's no hope left.

Did you have more access to CTB methods back then, vs now?

 

[ctb_warrior]

I regret that when i was extremely desperate to CTB in 2023 July.. SN was easily available in my country. Benzos were also easy to get.
My eyes didn't narrow down on SN back then. Now when I read an article where an Indian guy killed 11+ people with SN and committed suicide himself after police caught him, I have a very deep regret that i missed out on that opportunity. Now, neither Benzos are easily available nor SN. I'm like fccckkkkkkk... Why did i not narrow down on SN method . It was hidden in plain sight

 

[Vera1997]

I have been suicidal since 14. I'm 29 now and while things have gotten better, it wasn't enough to make me not suicidal and all the effort I did was no worth it.

So in a way, I do regret not CTBing earlier

 

[VanillaCake]

I've been carrying a really strong resentment toward myself lately. I'm genuinely pissed that I stuck around for as long as I did and prolonged my own suffering, especially because I kept convincing myself that my situation could somehow get better. I pushed so hard for things to change and tried everything I could to make my situation better, but somehow only ended up making things worse in the process. It just makes me sad looking back and realizing how much I put myself through while believing all that effort would eventually lead to something better.

I feel like you're being really hard on yourself here... CTB is not an instinctual thing for us to do so I believe you deserve some compassion here

I regret failing my ctb attempt back in 2021. Things haven't really improved mood wise, despite all the efforts I've put in. I do relate a lot regarding having made things worse (for others and myself).

Btw I like your pfp - Obito deserved better

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I regret that when i was extremely desperate to CTB in 2023 July.. SN was easily available in my country. Benzos were also easy to get.
My eyes didn't narrow down on SN back then. Now when I read an article where an Indian guy killed 11+ people with SN and committed suicide himself after police caught him, I have a very deep regret that i missed out on that opportunity. Now, neither Benzos are easily available nor SN. I'm like fccckkkkkkk... Why did i not narrow down on SN method . It was hidden in plain sight

U have a link to the article and more details about that guy killed people with SN?

Does anyone else deeply regret not ctb sooner?

Yes i do wish i would have killed myself 3 years ago

 

[Kokonoe]

yes. i should've died a very long time ago. it would've saved me from so much pain. living this long has not been worth it for even a second.

 

[ctb_warrior]

U have a link to the article and more details about that giuy killed people with SN?

Does anyone else deeply regret not ctb sooner?

Yes i do wish i would have killed myself 3 years ago

I'm sending one on one

 

[chxse88]

I feel that same regret when I postpone a CTB attempt. Try not to be too hard on yourself over how long you've stuck around. It's better to CTB with complete certainty, and sometimes it takes a lot of failed recovery effort to convince yourself there's no hope left.

Did you have more access to CTB methods back then, vs now?

Thanks for that.

Back then I never really dug into the methods online so no. It was always just the basic methods like jumping off a bridge or drowning that I had in mind. Drowning was actually the way I originally wanted to go.

I only found out about SN last month and finally got it into my possession. So no, yea, I have more knowledge now. I did try drowning before, but I had two failed attempts survival instinct is a bitch. I really do wish I could've gone that way though.

 

[explosiveKai99]

Bruh. It's completely the other way than braindead optimists say.
It will get better = it gets worse and worse, and killing myself sooner would yield more positive outcome than doing it now.
Your family will miss you = my family gets progressively more angry at me and if I died earlier maybe, just maybe, they would remember me as good person. Now they will remember me as a weakling, a coward and waste of skin.
It's a temporary problem = life is temporary. I only suffer for 30 years, it's not eternity. Still wish I wasn't.

I had good options in the past. I wish I used them.

 

[kunikuzushi]

yes, so much unnecessary suffering. if only i died earlier, i wouldn't have had to endure this torture and so much trauma that is making every day hell. it really has just gotten worse and worse. i don't know what I'm still doing alive.

 

[lavenderlilylies]

The longer I wait the more pathetic it'll be when I finally do it. I can't describe it but I feel like I'm running out of time. When I was younger I told myself that I'll eventually get to it. Now I feel a profound sense of urgency like I'm living years that were never mine. I wish I did it in my teens

 

[Corovaner]

Yes, I regret that I didn't kill myself. Two times I had a chance to do it, and two times I fucked it up. Thought that I can fix my life with job and working out. How pathetic. There is sn jar in my locker, but I saw many threads, where our commynity mtmbers survived it.

 

[fluffyfrost]

yes, should've done it the first time i ever thought about it

 

[fitoo5999]

Yes, I regret that I didn't kill myself. Two times I had a chance to do it, and two times I fucked it up. Thought that I can fix my life with job and working out. How pathetic. There is sn jar in my locker, but I saw many threads, where our commynity mtmbers survived it.

Most didn't. 80% died.

 

[itsgone2]

I wish it had been in high school when I first had the thought.
Far more pain in life than happiness. Far, far more.
Life just isn't worth it for everyone. Might not be many of us but we're here. I wish so bad for that switch that would just power us off.