Discussion Do you remember how old you were when you lost all hope?

[Drogon]

39

 

[theendoftheroad]

Ever since I was a kid, about 10 or 11 I always felt that this life wasn't worth living, the amount of effort I had to put in wasn't worth what I got back. When my dad hung himself a year later that completely cemented things and it just became a matter of time. At 15 my girlfriend of 2 years who was the whole reason I had made it that far suddenly had to move because of her crazy mom and we had to upkeep a long distance relationship. It was fine at first but it clearly wasn't working and decided to "take a break", with my fully expecting to get together with her again when things got better. A little while later after sparse communication I found out she was in an abusive relationship, had lost her virginity, and barely thought of me anymore. At that point my whole world crumbled. At 16 I moved to my childhood house with my dad's side of the family because I knew there was a bridge nearby and planned on using that. Except it wasnt as near as tall as I remembered, and it overlooking water and dense woods was a problem as there was no guarantee I wouldn't just survive the drop into the water or get impaled on a tree and die slowly like that. At 17 my cat of 3 year who id nursed since a kitten unexpectedly died and that was the final nail in the coffin. I no longer had any attachments to this world and officially gave up and became a shut in neet for 3 years

 

[idfwlnh]

I believe I started to hate this world since I was 7, long story short I was mentally and verbally bullied at school, therefore isolated. At the same time, my ignorance of the internet also led me to be, idk how to put this, lets just say kept being pursued by perverted weirdoes kept sending nudes for a while. Now and then hope appears then dissolves in a second, so i completely lose it at 13 14 or so

 

[SDB]

At 49 something permanently broke in me. The only way I'm surviving is through my moms support. I should be really embarrassed but I'm so checked out I can't care. The only treatment is death.

I'm 45 can you elaborate on what you mean?

 

[TAW122]

I would say sometime during my adolescent years, after realizing what reality was and growing up to be an adult. Childhood life sucked and adult life mostly sucked, with some moments where it is enjoyable, but not enough to outweigh the long term suffering and permanent issues that I face. I believe I'm just biding my time until the right circumstance and timing comes along and then I would have made my move towards CTB'ing.

 

[Hollowman]

I'm 45 can you elaborate on what you mean?

My brain is fucked I can't handle life. I should've ctb 35 years ago.

I'm 45 can you elaborate on what you mean?

 

[singingcrow]

this year tbh so 26….

but for some silly reason i'm still trying, applying for jobs, working out, ect

 

[meiherasayuri]

I lost hope at 17 years

 

[idontknowwhatiam]

Yes, 60

 

[SilentSnowfall]

It's kinda hard to pin point the exact moment I felt it. Feels like for most of my life I've been chugging along for no other reason than that promise people made that it will get better, but it never did. I guess I never fully gave up as I am still here, but it's difficult when things just get worse and worse.

Closest approx would be when I was 12, that's really when all happiness got sucked out of me.

 

[GoGoTornado]

Longer than I remember, but I think it had to have been maybe 5 or 6. I don't remember the exact words but I was told something along the lines by my mom, "Don't ever try and be something, because you're nothing and everyone will be better than you, you'll never make something of yourself"

 

[tomame]

despite how positive i appear .. my first suicide attempt was 14.

i knew then life wasn't shit— or rather .. i wasn't.

 

[CharlieTHEGoose]

After experiencing so much stress, despair, and misery, you may reach a 'point of no return'. You may start to think that things are never going to change, and that it will always be this way. The harsh truths of this world might become more apparent than ever.

Spoiler: Story you don't have to read, but it's here if you want to

In my case I've been depressed for a very long time, literally half of my entire life, but throughout my late teens and early 20s I remember I was still hopeful I could turn my life around, that it will get better - that someday I'll have my breakthrough moment - and it'll be one very lucky day/week/month where everything will work out in my favour, my life will lighten up, and I will be able to fully overcome my depressive, negative thoughts and go on to live a fulfilling, prosperous, worthwhile life. That thinking is perhaps a bit naïve, but it's something I held on to when I was younger.

I think that started to change around 2024. It's like... I felt a mental 'shift' in my mind. I remember saying to myself "Damn, I'm still depressed over the same things I've been depressed about since 2018, 2019, 2020, etc" Despite sinking into depression further around this time, I was still holding onto those tiny twinges of hope.

But I think just now at almost 28-years-old the realisation is starting to fully dawn on me that it is extremely likely it will always be like this. Once you realise that most of life is repetition, and things become more 'set in stone' the older you get, it's like... I'm starting to think to myself, if I've been depressed and suffering for the past 14 years, why would it ever change? I still hate wageslavery, I still have no friends and no social life. Probability trends would tell me that if I still hate working after doing it for the past 6 years, and if I still have no friends and no social life after 28 years, then I think it's safe to assume that this is what the rest of my life is going to be. I will always hate working, and I will never have friends or a social life. If there is any likelihood of this changing at all, it's near non-existent.

I can say for myself that, after 27 years and 11 months of being alive, I have pretty much lost all hope. I think I will officially raise the white flag on my 28th birthday. I'm done. I'm done trying and hoping that my life will get better. I'm not going to CTB (at least not just yet), but after I turn 28 I'm just... not even going to try anymore. I'll continue to exist, but over time, my mind, body and soul - my enthusiasm for life - will just slowly, slowly, wither away.

How about you? Obviously it's different for everyone but yeah, I think some people just get to this point after being alive for a certain amount of time, and... it breaks you. Many might start to feel this way in their 20s, maybe some might not get to this point until their 30s, 40s, etc. I don't know if it's something that can be treated

I started hating the world at 11 and started hating myself at 12.

 

[kouna]

This year. 43