Delay it a day...

[Chronic]

Just wanted to share my ongoing method for survival. I have SN, N2+CO, and a lethal amount of pills for when the time comes but I have somehow managed to survive up until this point in my life by continually delaying it a day at a time. It's got me through living with severe chronic pain for over 25 years (disability yet denied social security), intimate partner violence and other abuse, COVID, death of my siblings and other close family members, loss of my home and 95 percent of my possessions, divorce, death of pets, multiple moves to different states in the USA, harassment, discrimination, etc. Take it one day at a time. I've thought it was my time to go many times previously but somehow I've found a way to survive.

When it's my time to go I'll be ready for it but until then I'll keep fine tuning my exit plan and continue to delay it one more day.

 

[hendrix18712]

Some members have delayed it a day at a time but have expressed that they wished they had CTB'd decades ago since life ever since has not been worthwhile. Is this just a difference in attitude?

 

[Chronic]

Some members have delayed it a day at a time but have expressed that they wished they had CTB'd decades ago since life ever since has not been worthwhile. Is this just a difference in attitude?

I don't know...all I know is I've been suicidal for decades but I've managed to get by somehow. No, I'm not happy and it doesn't always get better but I'm still here.

 

[peanuts]

You are so so strong. Amazing that you have kept going this long. Do you feel comforted in knowing everything is ready when you are? Maybe that helps the thinking around delaying another day.. knowing that there will always be a chance for you to go. I hope you experience some nice days while you're still here with us ❤

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you have suffered so unbearably. Life really is so unfair. I can imagine that it must be a relief having a way to exit this world at a time of your own choosing. I do think that in general, having a way to exit can make life more bearable, just knowing that there is a way out of this life. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

 

[juraviel]

Some members have delayed it a day at a time but have expressed that they wished they had CTB'd decades ago since life ever since has not been worthwhile. Is this just a difference in attitude?

i think because you tried it's still meaningful. i could say the same, shouldve ctbd 12 years ago since i wasnt able to solve my problems. yet.. i think it matters that i tried. even if nothing comes of it in the end, it's important to give it a shot.