Dead End.

[Sendmefaraway]

When I close my eyes and think of a future I am met with darkness.
I am met with a dead end.
Unable to see myself.
Unable to feel hope.
I hurt myself it's been 4 years since I put a blade to my skin.
I feel so numb until I feel the pain I inflict on myself.
It's becoming addictive just being able to feel something other than numbness.
Am I pathetic for wanting to die wanting to end the misery and suffering I have dealt with my whole life but being afraid that I'll fail again?
I know it's coming close my time to ctb has been long awaited. It really is the only thing I look forward to.

.Peace.

 

[opeth98]

You are not pathetic, you're brave.

 

[FuneralCry]

Of course you are not pathetic. I know that this life can be unbearable when you are suffering so much. I also only look forward to death, living hurts me and I have never wanted to be alive. I know that it can be dreadful when everything is hopeless. I understand that it can be hard to carry on when you cannot take anymore of this life. I'm sorry you are going through this. Fear of failure is one of the things that holds me back from ctb, more than anything I wish it was easier to exit. I wish you the best in whatever happens.