pris
Member
- Jul 14, 2022
- 27
Can't think straight. Can't get out of bed. Every morning I wake up I start panicking about my existence. I hate being trans so much. I hate having my existence debated everywhere I look. I don't know who I am anymore. I want to scream every time I look in the mirror. I lose all sense of being able to care about what is happening in front of me. Not a single thing feels real but at the same time it's excruciatingly so. It feels like there's a wall dividing my mind in half. Nobody can help me. I can't help myself. I can't kill myself yet because I live in a homeless shelter. I just want to tear off my flesh. I lost all sense of hope nearly a year ago. I can't go outside because I'm severely agoraphobic. I spend all of my time trying to dissociate from my surroundings. I feel split between total apathy and caring so, so much, and feeling it all at once. I hate you all. I love you all. I have to get my attempt right at all costs but fear sets in. What if it doesn't work? What if I'm caught? I have enough money for a hotel room but I'm too afraid to go. I don't have an antiemetic and I don't know how I'll get one. Just somebody fucking find me and kill me. Please.
