Help Confused/Normal?

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I don't want to suffer anymore or any longer. The only way to do that for me is to die.

So I want to die and have been actively finding ways to die.

A small part of me worries that I'll regret ctb or that I'm being impulsive. Even though I've been wanting to ctb everyday consistently for an absolute minimum of one month.

Im also worried about the pain and trauma I'll leave behind. I'm scared of what's after death. Ughh but I want to die!

It's so confusing and complicated. Anyone else like this? Sometimes it feels like I'm doubting that I want to die but I feel like and kind of know I do?

 

[hoping to lose hope]

I do not know what to say as this post is nearly me OP.

 

[Huntfish34]

It's super complicated for me as well,. I hate it. Im Very much afraid of death / what happens after. Yet I'm sick of being alive on this damn earth. Fairly vicious cycle to say the Least,. I battle those thoughts constantly and daily.

I wish you the best in whatever you choose to do. Be safe .

 

[AQUA]

I'm having the same indecision. in my experience we will never get full closure.