Can’t do it to my parents

[Atticuss]

The reason my past attempts have failed, and why I don't think I'll be able to ctb in the near future is just that I can't put my parents through that. I picture it in my mind and it makes me feel horrible.

I fully intend to do it once they're gone, but it probably won't be for a while. But in the meantime I'll find comfort in securing SN in case things change

 

[KinderCorn]

Thoughtful of you.

 

[witchcraft]

I am in much the same boat.

 

[Deathcrvsh]

All I "wait" for is my mom's death. She did so much for me, went to hell and back. She already supposes or feels she failed but she didn't. So all I can do is wait to lay hand on my neck and find peace in nothingness.

 

[IrishBug]

I will do my best to do it on my Birthday so I will only be remembered one day a year if any. I only have one parent remaining and they will live forever so I could not wait and I am quite confident they will get over it very quickly.

 

[Aflame5926]

The reason my past attempts have failed, and why I don't think I'll be able to ctb in the near future is just that I can't put my parents through that. I picture it in my mind and it makes me feel horrible.

I fully intend to do it once they're gone, but it probably won't be for a while. But in the meantime I'll find comfort in securing SN in case things change

understandable and respect to you for up holding it. i hope you will be strong enough


i was that in the paste. but the suffering is getting out of hand.
hence now im here

 

[herms_sn]

Similar situation here.
I only have my father left, who is close to 90, he already lost my sister to suicide, and my mother to cancer.
It's the main concern about me doing it.

 

[Macedonian1987]

I wanted to do it once my parents are gone too, but sadly I am forced to do it while they are still alive, as life became unbearable and judging by our ancestors who all lived well into their 90s, they will probably have lengthy lives too and I cannot endure life for a single year, let alone 10-15 years more.

 

[rainy.tears]

this is one of the main factors keeping me here too. I feel so torn between the fact that I can't keep carrying this suffering and grief and not wanting to inflict the grief upon my parents, siblings, and other loved ones. I go over it in my head every day :(

 

[endboss]

I get you. I also feel horrible when I think about my family. They know I am severly ill, but It's like they don't see me killing myself coming at all. I will only leave them when the suffering wins the fight. So far it does not look good.

 

[mjolnir]

I understand that, it's something that would truly affect those closest to them in unimaginable ways.

 

[meddle]

same, buddy. just a thought about what they would go through if i killed myself makes me sick

 

[ih34rty0u]

i've had my SN for half a year now and i also just can't do it, knowing my parents would be the ones to find me. they've treated me horribly sometimes, but they're the only consistent people in my life - i can't do this to them, i just can't. the image of my dead body, affected by cyanosis and already rotting… it would be traumatizing.

maybe one day i'll be so desperate to ctb that it will override the fear… i know it's selfish, but i wish it would finally happen, i wish i didn't care. life is so exhausting.

 

[uselessmanz]

All I "wait" for is my mom's death. She did so much for me, went to hell and back. She already supposes or feels she failed but she didn't. So all I can do is wait to lay hand on my neck and find peace in nothingness.

I'm in the same boat except my mom will feel extreme pain wether I am alive or dead