Caribbean Sky
Arcanist
- Apr 15, 2024
- 402
So I am absolutely ready to go. Have been for months. Finally got a method ready.
All of a sudden, about 6 days ago, i get sick. Now context is I have had fevers and things for months but test have yet been unable to diagnose the issue. Except for one very low blood cell level (i'm going to see an immunologist) and I'm also going to see a neurologist.
I'm also on 3 psychiatric meds. Context won't help more than this but
6 days ago, I suddenly get a spiked fever of 103.3, it goes down but with it comes trouble walking, trouble seeing, sensitivity to light, and memory loss + confusion. Some of that is now coupled with paranoia, fear, and a feeling of not knowing where I am. this shit is why the past few nights i have set up the attempt and then cried and cant do it.
I know that's unnatural. I know I can do it. I know i want to do it. I know the method is easy, and painless. That hasn't changed. I have NEVER had fear this bad before, not even months back when I was scared 24/7.
It's unnatural and in my eyes clearly medical so what do I do? I went to my doctor (again) and I'm not sure whether or not he believed me cause he scheduled and eye doctor + said he would call the neurologist back. He offered medications then said I can't take them because of my psychiatric meds.
I don't want to know the full diagnosis of the months long illness and I told him to treat the 6-day old symptoms in isolation and he straight up said no. And so I walked out of that appointment gained..nothing.
Obviously all I want to do is kill myself, after all ive been sick for months and felt little fear even before I had the method, so I just want to fix these new symptoms enough to do so.
But how the fuck do I get my doctor to listen to me? (and not end up in a psych ward)
Do you guys have any other ideas on how I can overcome this as well? its my only obstacle.
All of a sudden, about 6 days ago, i get sick. Now context is I have had fevers and things for months but test have yet been unable to diagnose the issue. Except for one very low blood cell level (i'm going to see an immunologist) and I'm also going to see a neurologist.
I'm also on 3 psychiatric meds. Context won't help more than this but
6 days ago, I suddenly get a spiked fever of 103.3, it goes down but with it comes trouble walking, trouble seeing, sensitivity to light, and memory loss + confusion. Some of that is now coupled with paranoia, fear, and a feeling of not knowing where I am. this shit is why the past few nights i have set up the attempt and then cried and cant do it.
I know that's unnatural. I know I can do it. I know i want to do it. I know the method is easy, and painless. That hasn't changed. I have NEVER had fear this bad before, not even months back when I was scared 24/7.
It's unnatural and in my eyes clearly medical so what do I do? I went to my doctor (again) and I'm not sure whether or not he believed me cause he scheduled and eye doctor + said he would call the neurologist back. He offered medications then said I can't take them because of my psychiatric meds.
I don't want to know the full diagnosis of the months long illness and I told him to treat the 6-day old symptoms in isolation and he straight up said no. And so I walked out of that appointment gained..nothing.
Obviously all I want to do is kill myself, after all ive been sick for months and felt little fear even before I had the method, so I just want to fix these new symptoms enough to do so.
But how the fuck do I get my doctor to listen to me? (and not end up in a psych ward)
Do you guys have any other ideas on how I can overcome this as well? its my only obstacle.
