eidoll
My fate is sealed
- Mar 28, 2026
- 7
I've thought about when to end it for a while, I think somewhere around late June 2027 at the earliest, or December 14th any year in the future. I am hesitating now though.
My older sister is pregnant. (Due September 2026) It's the first baby in the family, my parents first grandchild, my grandparents first great grandchild. I'll definitely be there for the birth, but I still have my personal morals. I feel like I can't ctb... not in 2027 at least, no matter how much my sister has worsened my mental health and no matter how much I'm sure she hates me I can't bring myself to ctb when she'll have not even a one year old on her hands.
I do also feel though, that the birth of this child will allow me to leave with less damage. I feel like with such a young child they'll be focused on him, you know? Like I can end it, but they'll move on quickly because he's having all his firsts. That they'll forget me quick enough, that it'll hurt less because... look, a young baby who has so much ahead of him. I do worry a bit, what if I end it and my sister actually does get saddened and it affects her parenting. I almost don't want her to know that I've done it, I almost want my parents to just keep that secret. To act like I've just cut off contact. Maybe I should just cut contact then end it.
I feel an immense guilt when I talk about what I think he'll be like when he's older, because I know I won't be there to witness it, I feel like I'm giving them a false sense of ?security? I've mentioned the idea of me having children, despite the fact I won't. I can't stop lying to my own family.
I'm most scared though, that I'll love my nephew... and that he'll make me want to stay. I fear that most of all.
My older sister is pregnant. (Due September 2026) It's the first baby in the family, my parents first grandchild, my grandparents first great grandchild. I'll definitely be there for the birth, but I still have my personal morals. I feel like I can't ctb... not in 2027 at least, no matter how much my sister has worsened my mental health and no matter how much I'm sure she hates me I can't bring myself to ctb when she'll have not even a one year old on her hands.
I do also feel though, that the birth of this child will allow me to leave with less damage. I feel like with such a young child they'll be focused on him, you know? Like I can end it, but they'll move on quickly because he's having all his firsts. That they'll forget me quick enough, that it'll hurt less because... look, a young baby who has so much ahead of him. I do worry a bit, what if I end it and my sister actually does get saddened and it affects her parenting. I almost don't want her to know that I've done it, I almost want my parents to just keep that secret. To act like I've just cut off contact. Maybe I should just cut contact then end it.
I feel an immense guilt when I talk about what I think he'll be like when he's older, because I know I won't be there to witness it, I feel like I'm giving them a false sense of ?security? I've mentioned the idea of me having children, despite the fact I won't. I can't stop lying to my own family.
I'm most scared though, that I'll love my nephew... and that he'll make me want to stay. I fear that most of all.
