Venting I just don't see a happy ending, but i wish for one

[LonelyPrince]

My psychiatrist convinced me to stop attempting or planning my death.
I have goals and things to look forward to, but I feel like I don't have what it takes to fulfill them.
I need more appointments with my psychiatrist, I feel like I need to be supervised more.
I feel so alone and abandoned by just seeing her once a month: everyday I realize something about myself that I could share with her and listen to her insight about it.
Im going insane.
I don't want to die. I really don't. I just don't see a way out of my misery. I'm wasting my life.
For the first time I started thinking about my friends if I died: it would ruin them. I'm so conflicted. I'm so depressed I can't even draw, I just play videogames and waste time.

I feel like such a BOTHER to my friends. I keep annoying them with my insecurities. My friends need to constantly validate me: "I won't leave you", "you aren't a bad artist", "I love you". NONE OF IT IS ENOUGH.

There is something rotten inside me that just festers and won't fucking leave me be. I'm rotten.
It's so painful.
I wish I wasn't so scared to end it.

 

[Canto XIII]

It sounds like you love life despite everything. That's good, don't suppress these feelings within yourself. Rely on the people supporting you if you can.

Some mental health "patients" write down the reflexions they come upon during their everyday life. I've never liked the idea, but maybe it could work for you.