BPD …

[byebyeblondie]

Is there any hope at all if you've got BPD?

My entire life I've felt like I'm not good enough and I've struggled to manage my emotions. I have super highs where I feel amazing but then hours later I can feel miserable or really angry. It's taken over a decade of going through mental health services for them to diagnose me with BPD and explain that medication isn't used to treat it.

I know there's no magic pill to fix all but I had hoped that there'd be some medication out there to help me. I've tried lots in the past and they've never worked but I had hope.

Like I wasn't fucked enough. My bad memories are awful and plague my head. I don't sleep well. Im ugly, stupid and overweight with nothing going for me and the cherry on top is I'm an absolute nut job with an unstable personality.

Now I feel like what is the point. I'm an emotionally unstable wreck and it's obviously not going to improve.

I can order SN from a reliable source but worried about a welfare check. I'm coming round to the idea that hanging is perhaps the best choice. I don't want to spend another decade of my life feeling this way. I'm so tired.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I'm sorry you're going through that! Emotional dysregulation is an absolute bitch!
Are there things or ways you found that help at least a little bit?
I can imagine not wanting to go on when you feel like that.. Tried all the meds you wanted to try...?

 

[byebyeblondie]

Thanks for your reply .

Exercise has helped me in the past but lately I'm so angry and nothing seems to be helping me with that. I try good sleep routines and keep busy but I'm exhausted and fed up.

I feel like running away and drinking/ taking drugs just to feel numb for a bit.

I've tried many antidepressants and things for my anxiety like diazapam and propanonol. I have read that lithium (I think it's that off the top of my head) can help stabilise moods so I'd like to try something like that. It's up to the psychiatrist and at the moment his plan is talking therapies … that I've also tried.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Thanks for your reply .

Exercise has helped me in the past but lately I'm so angry and nothing seems to be helping me with that. I try good sleep routines and keep busy but I'm exhausted and fed up.

I feel like running away and drinking/ taking drugs just to feel numb for a bit.

I've tried many antidepressants and things for my anxiety like diazapam and propanonol. I have read that lithium (I think it's that off the top of my head) can help stabilise moods so I'd like to try something like that. It's up to the psychiatrist and at the moment his plan is talking therapies … that I've also tried.

Of course!

Anything like boxing, gaming or intense exercise as a one time drainer?
But yeah I recognize the anger that goes nowhere and bothers you more the longer it goes on..

And yeah drugs and booze can help temporarily or disturb the cycle. I try to be smart about it to avoid addiction. Cannabis could maybe help? Although i'm not sure if it's legal in your country and how easily you can get it...

I'm sorry your psychiatrist thinks that talking is more effective.. Could you maybe ask a second time? Or get a second opinion elsewhere?

I'm curious though. What kind of talking therapy do they think is gonna work? Especially when it didn't help before
I'm not saying it couldn't work! It just doesn't sound like the most effective route?

Sorry you tried so much and nothing worked!

 

[karakoltriste]

Thanks for your reply .

Exercise has helped me in the past but lately I'm so angry and nothing seems to be helping me with that. I try good sleep routines and keep busy but I'm exhausted and fed up.

I feel like running away and drinking/ taking drugs just to feel numb for a bit.

I've tried many antidepressants and things for my anxiety like diazapam and propanonol. I have read that lithium (I think it's that off the top of my head) can help stabilise moods so I'd like to try something like that. It's up to the psychiatrist and at the moment his plan is talking therapies … that I've also tried.

pls be careful with psychiatry drugs. Lithium is so toxic like any other "mood stabilaizer"

 

[byebyeblondie]

Of course!

Anything like boxing, gaming or intense exercise as a one time drainer?
But yeah I recognize the anger that goes nowhere and bothers you more the longer it goes on..

And yeah drugs and booze can help temporarily or disturb the cycle. I try to be smart about it to avoid addiction. Cannabis could maybe help? Although i'm not sure if it's legal in your country and how easily you can get it...

I'm sorry your psychiatrist thinks that talking is more effective.. Could you maybe ask a second time? Or get a second opinion elsewhere?

I'm curious though. What kind of talking therapy do they think is gonna work? Especially when it didn't help before
I'm not saying it couldn't work! It just doesn't sound like the most effective route?

Sorry you tried so much and nothing worked!

I do boxing with a PT. I also go running and do regular home workouts. It's still not taking away the anger I feel, neither has it helped to stabilise my moods.

I've never been one for cannabis. I've tried it in the past but it sends me paranoid and sick. My choices were always cocaine and alcohol. Neither of which help long term but they do provide a temporary escape from my emotions. It's the aftermath which I can't deal with, I become incredibly depressed and subsequently want to use more to feel better.

I chose exercise over drugs and found it was a more positive coping mechanism. It worked well for about a year but now I'm back where I was before.

They want me to do counselling but have said they're not sure I'm in the right head space to delve into some of my past trauma…. They also want me to do more EMDR though which does involve talking about dark things … but the reason they want me to do that is to help with my PTSD from my past relationship - there was domestic and sexual abuse.

I think a second opinion on use of medication as well is a good idea. Thank you for that .

Thanks for replying again too, I really appreciate you taking the time to read my post and reply .

pls be careful with psychiatry drugs. Lithium is so toxic like any other "mood stabilaizer"

Oh really? I don't know much about them. Thank you for the warning.

 

[FoxSauce]

Have you considered perhaps dbt as an option?

Or ya rather not?
Is one of the therapies that help with deal with emotional disregulation and a great therapy with those with BPD.

 

[byebyeblondie]

Have you considered perhaps dbt as an option?

Or ya rather not?
Is one of the therapies that help with deal with emotional disregulation and a great therapy with those with BPD.

I've done an acute therapy service (alternate to being sectioned) and that was DBT focused. I did find it helpful. A lot of the stuff is stuff I try to incorporate into daily life … I know a lot of the stuff takes practice but I'm still waiting to reap the results from doing some of the stuff I've been taught.

I don't know if I'm beyond help or even want help at this point. Knowing that it's basically just me that's the problem has left me deflated.

I've been looking at euthanasia in Switzerland. Apparently BPD can be an accepted reason for euthanasia over there .

 

[Forveleth]

I do not have BPD but I have looked into it a little just to understand it and I can not imagine what it is like living with BPD. I do not have much to say other than I was once served a few shorts from a youtube channel from someone with BPD. She talks very frankly about her condition and trying to live a good life despite it. Her channel may offer you some hope:

Kylee Rackam

Mental Health Advocate who speaks upon toxic relationships, agoraphobia, anxiety, cluster B disorders, and other mental health related topics. I promote accountability and advocacy for self-improvement. I do not condone toxicity or abuse.

www.youtube.com

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I do boxing with a PT. I also go running and do regular home workouts. It's still not taking away the anger I feel, neither has it helped to stabilise my moods.

Shit. Yeah if thats not helping its not an exercise thing. You by any chance a gamer? Some shooting/sniping games used to help me blow off steam. Or just halo reach

I've never been one for cannabis. I've tried it in the past but it sends me paranoid and sick. My choices were always cocaine and alcohol. Neither of which help long term but they do provide a temporary escape from my emotions. It's the aftermath which I can't deal with, I become incredibly depressed and subsequently want to use more to feel better.

Yeah that's the thing with drugs If you didn't do good on it back then I wouldn't try it again.. Never tried cocaine but I can't imagine it is the solution you're looking for either. Like you said.. rebound effect.

I chose exercise over drugs and found it was a more positive coping mechanism. It worked well for about a year but now I'm back where I was before.

So weird :( Did it just stop working out of nowhere?

They want me to do counselling but have said they're not sure I'm in the right head space to delve into some of my past trauma…. They also want me to do more EMDR though which does involve talking about dark things … but the reason they want me to do that is to help with my PTSD from my past relationship - there was domestic and sexual abuse.

I am so sorry to hear that!

That's pretty heavy stuff to be talking about. But if you don't talk about it, you also don't deal with it. Possibly.
I kind of get where they're coming from, but it's also a bit of a difficult length to draw, isn't it? How do you feel about it? (Aside from the usual rage of things being stupid, I'm gonna guess)

Can I ask how did EMDR work for you? They offered me but I refused. Longcovid so can't deal with things like light n sound

I think a second opinion on use of medication as well is a good idea. Thank you for that .

Thanks for replying again too, I really appreciate you taking the time to read my post and reply .

Oh really? I don't know much about them. Thank you for the warning.

I think I've read quite a bit about people on lithium here and it working for them. Although I can't really remember what it was for specifically? I mean, it's a mood stabilizer obviously. You could do a quick search or open a question thread for ppl's experiences if it hasn't been done recently.

I've personally come closer to death from side effects/adverse reaction to a "normal" SSRI then by my own hand, and that says something

What works for one.. Doesn't need to be suitable for others. And the other way around just as much
But at some point, I can imagine, you don't want to be living this way enough so you might still want to try whatever you can, despite side effects. But that's a personal choice
None of those meds are really innocent. Very few "normal" are... But if I remember well you said you had tried a lot already. So I'm going to assume you are quite well acquainted with side effects....

 

[charlie_cat_51925]

I've tried many antidepressants and things for my anxiety like diazapam and propanonol. I have read that lithium (I think it's that off the top of my head) can help stabilise moods so I'd like to try something like that. It's up to the psychiatrist and at the moment his plan is talking therapies … that I've also tried.

When I was on Lithium it helped stabilize my mood. It was a very good mood stabilizer for me.

 

[Greyhawk]

I'm sorry to hear what you have gone through. BPD is one of the most painful and misunderstood mental health conditions but you can definitely get better even though it can't be cured with a pill. Despite the stigma around BPD patients being untreatable even among "professionals", most patients can achieve diagnostic remission through therapy (no longer meeting the criteria for BPD but you'll still have symptoms). The time it takes varies a lot but dbt is shown to be very effective.

 

[tilwemeetagain]

I wanted to share my experience with you on Lithium. I took lithium for over a year and it. was very helpful. Until it wasn't. The lithium caused intracranial hypertension where my body started creating more cerebral spinal fluid and I was risking blindness. It was AWFUL! It took 8 months for the neurologist to figure out that it was the medications that caused it. 2 spinal taps, 2 mris, and several trips to the ER. If you do try it, keep an eye out for an unrelenting headache. It could be the worst condition ever.