Best day of my life

[betternever2havbeen]

Will be when I CTB-don't know when it's gonna be yet, might move the date forward as I'm so ready and at peace with going. I hope it will be with N but I don't have any yet so it might have to be sn (apparently this is not easy to get in the UK either?!) although I'm a bit worried about being hospitalised (does this only happen when found early? I can't use the search function for some reason today). I'm a little worried about freaking out after taking it and feeling unwell. I'll have to just tell myself I'll be worse off if I call someone and it'll be over in a short amount of time. I'm prone to panic so I hope I can ride it out.

I can count at least 5 "worst days of my life" but I can't think of a best one how sad is that, maybe when I went to a concert or something but it all seems meaningless now. I'm just not meant for life and I've accepted that. The older I get I am more and more depressed and seem so different to most people and I don't understand them. I think I was born like this though so there is no cure even if I wanted it.

I won't be missed at all, I think my mum "loves me but doesn't like me" so maybe that'll make it easier on her? There is no one else.

 

[FuneralCry]

I have also never felt like I am meant for life, I never should have existed at all. The day that I finally die will certainly be the best day for me. Life does just seem to be endless suffering and misery. If only the peaceful methods were easily accessible as to me a peaceful death is the best possible thing that could happen. I can imagine that it must be a relief to be at peace with leaving this world. I wish you the best.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Will be when I CTB-don't know when it's gonna be yet, might move the date forward as I'm so ready and at peace with going. I hope it will be with N but I don't have any yet so it might have to be sn (apparently this is not easy to get in the UK either?!) although I'm a bit worried about being hospitalised (does this only happen when found early? I can't use the search function for some reason today). I'm a little worried about freaking out after taking it and feeling unwell. I'll have to just tell myself I'll be worse off if I call someone and it'll be over in a short amount of time. I'm prone to panic so I hope I can ride it out.

I can count at least 5 "worst days of my life" but I can't think of a best one how sad is that, maybe when I went to a concert or something but it all seems meaningless now. I'm just not meant for life and I've accepted that. The older I get I am more and more depressed and seem so different to most people and I don't understand them. I think I was born like this though so there is no cure even if I wanted it.

I won't be missed at all, I think my mum "loves me but doesn't like me" so maybe that'll make it easier on her? There is no one else.

You can be hospitalized if someone finds you before death and you're taken to the hospital to be given the antidote for it. You'd be hospitalized to get well from the ctb attempt with SN. You may be hospitalized after that (different kind of hospital) for the attempt itself.

The search function is not working for me, either.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

The search function is not working for me, either.

I thought it was just me, hopefully it'll be back up soon then. I definitely wont get found it's just a matter of if I panic and call someone myself but now I'm just overthinking.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

I have also never felt like I am meant for life, I never should have existed at all. The day that I finally die will certainly be the best day for me. Life does just seem to be endless suffering and misery. If only the peaceful methods were easily accessible as to me a peaceful death is the best possible thing that could happen. I can imagine that it must be a relief to be at peace with leaving this world. I wish you the best.

Yeh I wish so bad I had never existed. I'm not meant for this world whether it's depression, BPD, autism I dunno it's all too complicated to figure out I'm not like everyone else though that's clear. God knows what I'd get diagnosed with if I looked into it. I can't stand this emotional torment.