Venting Being stuck on self-inflicted death row.

[Fall_Apart]

Oh shit, I never imagined I'd end up on death row because I can't leave until I've resolved my family's shitty problems. I could never leave, knowing that without me, my family would suffer so much because there's no one else to help them. It's a fucked up situation that I hadn't considered. Also the freedom to leave without consequences for others is a privilege that not everyone appreciates, I think. And in the end I find myself exactly like the inmates on death row, waiting, not knowing when. Fuck it!

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry for your situation. It must be very stressful. Not sure it's exactly a 'privelage' to not have people who either care about you or rely on you though. Some people are suicidal in the first place because they feel so alone and unloved. With regards to people relying on us- asides from having parents to care for, the rest is choice. Some of us deliberately abstain from relationships and having children because we recognise the tethers they represent. Maybe I was 'lucky' enough to have worked out I was suicidal very early on so- maybe a part of me avoided all those connections because I wanted to have the freedom to eventually leave. I'm still 'burdened' with worrying about my parents though.

I guess sometimes I'm envious of people who no longer give a shit about the effect suicide might have on others. I certainly envy atheists too. No wrath of God to worry about. But then, what happened to them to make them so cool? Maybe that isn't a happy tale. I think most things are a double edged sword.

 

[Pale_Rider]

So yeah. I'm not a 9 today, but when I was I had decided after a month of heavy thought that I would execute myself. I called the place where I drew my big decisions "the tribunal ". After my death sentence was handed down I declared a FOB named X-site close to where I thought I would die. So just to express how I identify with OPs semantics.

 

[Fall_Apart]

I'm sorry for your situation. It must be very stressful. Not sure it's exactly a 'privelage' to not have people who either care about you or rely on you though. Some people are suicidal in the first place because they feel so alone and unloved. With regards to people relying on us- asides from having parents to care for, the rest is choice. Some of us deliberately abstain from relationships and having children because we recognise the tethers they represent. Maybe I was 'lucky' enough to have worked out I was suicidal very early on so- maybe a part of me avoided all those connections because I wanted to have the freedom to eventually leave. I'm still 'burdened' with worrying about my parents though.

I guess sometimes I'm envious of people who no longer give a shit about the effect suicide might have on others. I certainly envy atheists too. No wrath of God to worry about. But then, what happened to them to make them so cool? Maybe that isn't a happy tale. I think most things are a double edged sword.

Thanks for your reply. You are right, maybe it is not a privilege, but I was referring to my family, meaning parents and siblings. I also envy people who do not care about who they leave behind, but at least I am an atheist and I have no fear of any deity.