Venting Argument with my girlfriend.

[Droso]

I'm not sure if I would actually call it an argument. More of a disagreement. It could have escalated into one, but I'm too sick and exhausted to actually argue with her.

We are both trans. I'm from the USA, she's from India. We both have bad dysphoria which is something we can empathize on.

Sometimes, I think about detransitioning. It's a thought that passes my mind, but I usually dismiss it. I don't have any intentions of actually detransitioning. But with the way transphobia has become increasingly common all over the world, the real threat of danger (rape is the one I am terrified of), and of course how the government has been pushing more anti-trans laws, I do think about it.

I mentioned it to her today. Barely went in depth. But she got pissed. Which shocked me because it's extremely hard for her to get angry. She said how she hates trans Americans and how they cry over nothing despite having it really good. Like I said before, I'm too sick and exhausted to actually argue with her.

I know that I have more access to treatment than anywhere else. And I am probably safer here compared to India. But I don't think that minimizes the fact that the world is generally dangerous for trans people anywhere you go. Especially since a lot of cis people think they are "allies" (they call trans women biological males and get pissed at anyone who tries to correct them. Also if you try to argue this in the comments I'm just gonna report you, I don't care enough to educate you).

It hurts when you go to your gf for some understanding and just get faced with anger. I told her let's not talk for the rest of today. I don't want to deal with this while I'm studying for a bunch of tests when I've missed so much class.

I'm so exhausted. I wish I could ctb already. Everyday I want it to come sooner and sooner. But I have to wait if I want to be sure I'll actually die.

 

[Linda]

If you are trans in America at present, you are in a difficult situation. But it's no worse than the situation gay men (and, to some extent, lesbians) faced half a century ago. The best way to cope is to link up - preferably in person, not just online - with other trans people in the US, especially those who live close to you. That was basically the strategy that gay men took. Individually, trans people may be weak, but, like any group, they are much stronger when united. Linking up with other trans people will help you psychologically. You won't feel so alone. (It would also make it easier to organise some resistance, if that's your kind of thing.)
Good luck.

 

[Droso]

If you are trans in America at present, you are in a difficult situation. But it's no worse than the situation gay men (and, to some extent, lesbians) faced half a century ago. The best way to cope is to link up - preferably in person, not just online - with other trans people in the US, especially those who live close to you. That was basically the strategy that gay men took. Individually, trans people may be weak, but, like any group, they are much stronger when united. Linking up with other trans people will help you psychologically. You won't feel so alone. (It would also make it easier to organise some resistance, if that's your kind of thing.)
Good luck.

I do have two trans friends irl. But I've personally given up. That's why I'm planning to CTB. The dysphoria plus the combination of danger and transphobia has rendered me severely depressed. I have thought about ctb thoroughly. I have thought about my life rationally. The conclusion I've come to is that there are too many cons and obstacles to keep living. Especially with the ideology I've adopted (moral nihilism).

It fucking sucks. Because I do want to feel connected with other people. But it is impossible at this point. I've barely found any other people who I can connect with. I'm lonely and exhausted…

But thank you for caring, at the very least.

 

[Linda]

I do have two trans friends irl. But I've personally given up. That's why I'm planning to CTB. The dysphoria plus the combination of danger and transphobia has rendered me severely depressed. I have thought about ctb thoroughly. I have thought about my life rationally. The conclusion I've come to is that there are too many cons and obstacles to keep living. Especially with the ideology I've adopted (moral nihilism).

It fucking sucks. Because I do want to feel connected with other people. But it is impossible at this point. I've barely found any other people who I can connect with. I'm lonely and exhausted…

But thank you for caring, at the very least.

Whatever happens, I wish you well.
If you do choose to ctb, I would advise you to plan it thoroughly and carefully. 19 out of 20 suicide attemps fail, mainly because of poor planning or because survival instinct got in the way. You also don't want to finish up alive but badly injured. Planning is important.