Feel like I'm forever stuck in this arrested development. I've been forced to grow up, mature, proved my worthiness, earned validation and love, and achieved academic success ever since I was a child. My parents would abuse me and tell me how much of a failure I was whenever I failed. Never really got a chance to be carefree and innocent and whatever a child supposed to be.
In my early twenties now and severely burnt out and don't know how to regulate my emotions. I've dip my hands in so many fields, art, film, theater, to engineer, science, medicine, social justice. Basically anything I can touch on just to see if I can be happy pursuing them for the next 10 years. Nothing sticks even tho I got really good at some aspects, and had potential to keep growing. I just feel like a hamster stuck inside a wheel no matter where I run to. Capitalism is the enemy I know that, but even dedicated my time and energy to fight against capitalism don't make me feel meaningful anymore.
I now give up most of my ambitions. I accept that I would not amount to any of the great things I want in this life, and it's okay. None of this matter in this world. I guess I'm just try to embrace my inner child and shielding myself from the earthly attachments. Waiting for the day I kill myself and return to nothingness.
I go to university cause my mom pays for, I clean my apartment, I cook, I keep up with my hygiene, I still do every mundane things to appear normal. I can even go travel and get new hobbies and buy cool things and hang out with acquaintances knowing they only want favors from me, but deep down I feel nothing inside. Not even an ounce of exciting.
Wonder if you feel this same way?
In my early twenties now and severely burnt out and don't know how to regulate my emotions. I've dip my hands in so many fields, art, film, theater, to engineer, science, medicine, social justice. Basically anything I can touch on just to see if I can be happy pursuing them for the next 10 years. Nothing sticks even tho I got really good at some aspects, and had potential to keep growing. I just feel like a hamster stuck inside a wheel no matter where I run to. Capitalism is the enemy I know that, but even dedicated my time and energy to fight against capitalism don't make me feel meaningful anymore.
I now give up most of my ambitions. I accept that I would not amount to any of the great things I want in this life, and it's okay. None of this matter in this world. I guess I'm just try to embrace my inner child and shielding myself from the earthly attachments. Waiting for the day I kill myself and return to nothingness.
I go to university cause my mom pays for, I clean my apartment, I cook, I keep up with my hygiene, I still do every mundane things to appear normal. I can even go travel and get new hobbies and buy cool things and hang out with acquaintances knowing they only want favors from me, but deep down I feel nothing inside. Not even an ounce of exciting.
Wonder if you feel this same way?
