Venting Anyone growing up without their own proper bedroom?

[valar_morghulis21]

That would be me. In my country (not US) at that time my parents were not poor, quite comfortable and secured financially. But they didn't think my privacy and emotional needs were important when purchasing a nice house. Me, my younger sister, and our housemate shared a room for 10 years.

When I was an only child, I shared a mattress on the floor with my dad. I confronted my mom about why she didn't gave me and my sister separate bedrooms growing up, and she just shrugged and told me they did their best. That's so bullshit lmao when so many things could have done differently if they just pause and think about their two growing children would hit puberty one day. I reject all kind of decorations even with my own apartment now. Looking back this mindset probably comes from never having my own space, and never feels belong, that make me this way and not just being minimalistic.

It was very rough, and basically all of my mental illness and suicidals came from those 10 years of abuse and neglect. When I was 15, we moved to a new house and this time, my parents gave me my own room. The house is big enough for one more guest room, but my parents again, very little accounted for privacy, decide has only 3 bedrooms.

I now moved out and live in a different country, but my room back home always has a special place in my heart. But recently, my grandma who is very old, just moved in with my parents cause she can't take care of herself anymore. My parents gave up their room, and took mine. It was purely logical but I couldn't help feeling grief and resent them for taking my inner child's last place of belongings. I don't hate my dad, but he's kinda gross so imagine him sleeping on my bed is really uncomfortable. In the summer when I go back, I gotta share room with my sister again.

I know at this stage complaining about a room that I don't even live there anymore sounds so whiny, but that place was the only place on earth I could call home. School was like hell. My childhood is just a big cycle of regret and resentment, of me never being good enough to be considered. My parents could afford to do so many things to not make my life suffering, if only they cared for a second.

I just bought a Nintendo for the first time in my life and felt so guilty for spending money. But then I just realize my inner child didn't even have a goddamn bedroom, nor a pair of good shoes growing up. Everything I got was just the bare minimum. So I should just do whatever makes me tolerate this life for one more day till my final ctb.

How about you, how's your childhood?

 

[wehamuho]

we were poor and were 4 brothers crammed in a small room if counts. plus i didnt have much mobility so i needed always some1 to take care of my needs. and i find your flair highly offensive.

 

[Forveleth]

I had my own space as a child in that there was four walls and a door. But I was never allowed to decorate it the way I wanted. I had to pick curtains from designs my parents wanted and decorations they picked out for me. I was never allowed to put anything on the walls so that I "would not ruin them for when we moved". Fun fact, my parents still live in that house and they have since painted my room. This control extended to every part of my childhood from how I wore my hair to the clothes that I wore.

It left me feeling like a guest in my childhood home. It pushed back my ability for healthy self expression and even finding myself far beyond when they should have happened. It took me until my 40s and my 5th apartment to be comfortable hanging pictures on the wall.

So maybe not the exact same thing, but I can definitely relate to how you feel, and I'm very sorry that this happened to you.

 

[3rdworldsadness]

Yes still I don't have a bedroom only a study room but still there's abusive people, we had minimal rooms growing up and I hate that. My grave will be my peaceful bedroom:)

 

[darksouls]

my sister, who is 12 years older than me,
had her own room,
I had to sleep in our parents' bedroom

 

[violetforever]

i always had to share a room with my sisters. usually only one of them but sometimes all three of us were packed into one room. we never could afford a big enough home. the worst was when we had to live with our grandparents when my dads abuse got so bad. i had to share my grandmothers bed with my sisters and my grandma slept on the couch another time i had to share a room with my mom and sister and i slept on a mattress on the floor. i have my own room at my grandparents now but it doesnt even feel good. i feel guilty for being my age and living with them. my mom still shares a bed with my youngest sister, young but old enough that she should have her own room by now, at her house because theres not enough rooms there.

I reject all kind of decorations even with my own apartment now. Looking back this mindset probably comes from never having my own space, and never feels belong, that make me this way and not just being minimalistic.

im the same way with my room. i dont even know how to decorate my own space because im so used to not having one. i cant be bothered anyway since being suicidal makes things like this not even matter anymore.

I know at this stage complaining about a room that I don't even live there anymore sounds so whiny, but that place was the only place on earth I could call home.

its not whiny at all. this type of stuff shapes us for better or for worse. im sorry you have to live with these memories

 

[limenlux]

I spent a portion of my early childhood in an abusive, neglectful environment where myself and five other children were packed into a single, filthy, sweltering room, as well as being alternately jammed into a closet depending upon the mood of our "caretaker".

After being removed from that location by force, I was sent to live with a relative who offered me a very clean, comfortable bedroom that was roughly the size of a one-car garage, and my privacy was generally well-respected; it was incomprehensibly luxurious by comparison.

I had four cousins with whom I was close growing up who shared two bedrooms (two girls and two boys), but the rooms were spacious and my uncle and father actually built custom bunks and sliding panels to divide or open the space as my cousins saw fit. I'm sorry you weren't given a proper space of your own in your youth, though it sounds like things have thankfully improved for you.

Funnily enough, I've ended up with less control over my living space and privacy as an adult than when I was a child. Thanks to disability, I've gone from living in a house, to renting a room in someone else's house, to sleeping in a relative's guest room, to sleeping on an old mattress on the floor in a different relative's office, to homeless.

 

[valar_morghulis21]

i always had to share a room with my sisters. usually only one of them but sometimes all three of us were packed into one room. we never could afford a big enough home. the worst was when we had to live with our grandparents when my dads abuse got so bad. i had to share my grandmothers bed with my sisters and my grandma slept on the couch another time i had to share a room with my mom and sister and i slept on a mattress on the floor. i have my own room at my grandparents now but it doesnt even feel good. i feel guilty for being my age and living with them. my mom still shares a bed with my youngest sister, young but old enough that she should have her own room by now, at her house because theres not enough rooms there.

im the same way with my room. i dont even know how to decorate my own space because im so used to not having one. i cant be bothered anyway since being suicidal makes things like this not even matter anymore.

its not whiny at all. this type of stuff shapes us for better or for worse. im sorry you have to live with these memories

Sorry you went through that too. Having no privacy was really dehumanizing, and to make it worse so many parents simply disregarded our needs just because we were young and "ungrateful"

 

[SilentVelvet]

My parents somehow thought it was a good idea to get a two-bedroom apartment when my sister had already been born and then have another child (me lol). My sister and I shared the bedroom, while my parents, and later mostly my dad after they separated, slept in the living room.

The funny part is that my dad basically decorated our room according to his own taste. He painted the walls blue and yellow because those were his favorite colors. And trust me, neither my sister nor I would ever have chosen that combination ourselves. Later on, the room was redecorated again, this time according to my sister's preferences.

At some point, we had a family support worker who tried to make sure my needs and interests were taken into consideration too. Instead of moving into a bigger apartment, which would even have been covered by the welfare office, I somehow ended up with my "room" in the middle of the living room because my sister refused to move into a different flat. So she suddenly had her own private bedroom, while I had basically no privacy at all. That became especially difficult because I was entering puberty at the time and I'm autistic.

After that, I moved in with my mom, but there I had to share a bed with her. Eventually, at 16, I decided to move into my own place.

I think all of that is a big reason why I still hate the idea of living with someone else. Having my own space and time alone is incredibly important to me because I went without it for so many years. I get overstimulated pretty easily when my boyfriend stays until late at night, and then I usually end up staying awake even longer after he leaves just so I can finally have some time completely to myself and decompress

 

[pk@2001]

Well I'm in the same boat as you op
The part of the world from where I come we usually don't get to have those....
Partially because of population, financial constraints....
And it's ungrateful to never even spend some time in solitude in our formative years

 

[violetforever]

Sorry you went through that too. Having no privacy was really dehumanizing, and to make it worse so many parents simply disregarded our needs just because we were young and "ungrateful"

yeah the older i get the more i realize how mistreated i was as a child for just being a child. they never think children are old enough to understand and be affected but we were.

 

[ctb_warrior]

That would be me. In my country (not US) at that time my parents were not poor, quite comfortable and secured financially. But they didn't think my privacy and emotional needs were important when purchasing a nice house. Me, my younger sister, and our housemate shared a room for 10 years.

When I was an only child, I shared a mattress on the floor with my dad. I confronted my mom about why she didn't gave me and my sister separate bedrooms growing up, and she just shrugged and told me they did their best. That's so bullshit lmao when so many things could have done differently if they just pause and think about their two growing children would hit puberty one day. I reject all kind of decorations even with my own apartment now. Looking back this mindset probably comes from never having my own space, and never feels belong, that make me this way and not just being minimalistic.

It was very rough, and basically all of my mental illness and suicidals came from those 10 years of abuse and neglect. When I was 15, we moved to a new house and this time, my parents gave me my own room. The house is big enough for one more guest room, but my parents again, very little accounted for privacy, decide has only 3 bedrooms.

I now moved out and live in a different country, but my room back home always has a special place in my heart. But recently, my grandma who is very old, just moved in with my parents cause she can't take care of herself anymore. My parents gave up their room, and took mine. It was purely logical but I couldn't help feeling grief and resent them for taking my inner child's last place of belongings. I don't hate my dad, but he's kinda gross so imagine him sleeping on my bed is really uncomfortable. In the summer when I go back, I gotta share room with my sister again.

I know at this stage complaining about a room that I don't even live there anymore sounds so whiny, but that place was the only place on earth I could call home. School was like hell. My childhood is just a big cycle of regret and resentment, of me never being good enough to be considered. My parents could afford to do so many things to not make my life suffering, if only they cared for a second.

I just bought a Nintendo for the first time in my life and felt so guilty for spending money. But then I just realize my inner child didn't even have a goddamn bedroom, nor a pair of good shoes growing up. Everything I got was just the bare minimum. So I should just do whatever makes me tolerate this life for one more day till my final ctb.

How about you, how's your childhood?

I'm so sorry to hear that you had to go through all of it. You can close your eyes and go inside your past and give hug to your inner child. That'll heal it.

My childhood was a mix of success and traumas. A happy child loved by everyone but with a sensitive heart. I contracted depression as early as I was 7 years old. It started changing me as a person. I loved to interact with everyone but then i started staying aloof by myself. I performed well in academics. I learnt computers very fast as a kid. When i was 13, i had a shocking experience at home, which sent me into state of shock for weeks. I had my 10th grade right after. I fainted one day and was falsely diagnosed as epileptic and I had to take the medicines that would make me feel sleepy throughout the day. I still managed to get good grades. When i was 15, i joined this evil school where they admitted more students than the capacity that was allowed by the education board, so it was like they admitted 61 students while the board had allowed somewhere around 30-32. They had to fail the rest of the students. So, these teachers were failing anyone who didn't study tuition from them.
I didn't study tution from them, so I too failed for the first time in any exam. It was a jolt.
I wondered how to tell at home. I would look at my parent's face and wonder if I should tell or not. Will they understand or think I'm at flaw. I decided to choose peace. ODed on all my medicines that I had not taken. (This is a serious big no - no one should ever do it) I mixed it with multi vitamins. So it did create heavy poisoning. I landed up in ICU.
After a week i was discharged. I started classes again in that evil school. I never studied tuition from their teachers. So, they kept on doing partiality. In my final exam, the chemistry teacher deliberately crossed my answers, my friends checked my sheet and pointed out that marks were deliberately not given to my answers even when they were correct. She had to correct, so i did pass fair and square. But i was sick and tired, i attempted my second attempt, that evening.. same logic, OD. Again, same fate. Survived.
That's how my childhood was like.
Post that, I did yoga, meditation, learnt the power of mind, and I used them to become magnetic and charismatic. I became a celebrity in my college from day 1. But with fame, comes jealousy of ppl. The girls they liked would talk to me so they being my friends on my face would be jealous inside themselves.
Fast forward to my third attempt. 7 ppl who were the bad guys of the college, trolled me. I'm a good troll btw, i trolled all of them back with ease but by the end of the trolling session. I was tired. Because i thought they were my friends. And the way they were trying to attack my psyche. I had kept ativan with me for ctb purposes. I had it all. Unfortunately it only knocked me off for 5-6 days. I was not in my senses, but i was able to talk, eat and do stuff. I was not in my senses, evn then, i opened the complex lock of my phone idk how.
After that, i changed my approach, i turned inwards greatly. I opened a motivational page on Facebook. I used my time there instead of socialising. That page was a success sply in south asia. It got 14000 followers within 9 months. I got another page related to environment, that also got like 23000 followers and a love quotes page, that's also around 15000 followers.
While I focused on these pages, i had cracked my job interview and it was time for college to end. And right before that I met a girl who was my soulmate. (I had literally manifested her - if anyone wants to learn manifestation feel free to ask me)
Within 6 months, we became fond of each other and the relationship made me stable. It worked by giving serotonin, oxytocin and dopamine. Lol. I was feeling good. I had a purpose. I was doing good in love and career. But it was calm before the storm.. as I'm from India and in developing countries, love marriage are taboo even in 21st century. So.. they didn't approve because of us being from different faiths.
And she couldn't align her family to agree for me while I managed to align my family to agree for her. That was my next jolt. I lost my purpose. I tried CO creation, with kerosene, fire got out of control, i had to extinguish it. My entire room was filled with black soot. Thankfully my landlord didn't object to it. Lol.
There's more. But i think that's enough for now..

An intelligent mind with a sensitive heart is a great curse..
Btw.. please ignore my grammatical mistakes..i know there's plenty of them
P.s. i never had a bedroom of my own

 

[LakeMungoGirl]

i can sort of relate. I slept on the floor for most of my childhood, mainly due to untreated OCD (I felt more safe sleeping on the floor for whatever reason), and I think it might've given me back pain. :/ I also attended a boarding school and was forced into a cramped dormitory with three other girls for approximately two years, with a camera in the corner pointed straight at our bunk beds. since it was a rule the door remained open at all times we had very little privacy.

 

[ctb_warrior]

i can sort of relate. I slept on the floor for most of my childhood, mainly due to untreated OCD (I felt more safe sleeping on the floor for whatever reason), and I think it might've given me back pain. :/ I also attended a boarding school and was forced into a cramped dormitory with three other girls for approximately two years, with a camera in the corner pointed straight at our bunk beds. since it was a rule the door remained open at all times we had very little privacy.

That's actually pathetic, sorry that you had to go through it.

 

[LakeMungoGirl]

That's actually pathetic, sorry that you had to go through it.

It definitely sucked. But at least that school is now permanently shut down.

 

[ctb_warrior]

It definitely sucked. But at least that school is now permanently shut down.

I too had such an evil school. The classroom looked like a haunted house. And it was just next to the girls bathroom. And the staff didn't keep it properly clean .

 

[LakeMungoGirl]

I too had such an evil school. The classroom looked like a haunted house. And it was just next to the girls bathroom. And the staff didn't keep it properly clean .

I'm sorry you had to go through that. :( we both deserved better. No child should be afraid to go to school.

 

[ctb_warrior]

I'm sorry you had to go through that. :( we both deserved better. No child should be afraid to go to school.

So true. No child deserves this treatment.
Similarly, when i was 8* years old, there was a nun, who literally bashed me up on my birthday. I don't know if such creatures have fear of God or not.

 

[LakeMungoGirl]

So true. No child deserves this treatment.
Similarly, when i was 8* years old, there was a nun, who literally bashed me up on my birthday. I don't know if such creatures have fear of God or not.

Omg. :( That's horrid, I'm so sorry!

 

[ctb_warrior]

Omg. :( That's horrid, I'm so sorry!

I noticed some missionary schools in India are pure evil.. can you imagine a father of a cathedral(principal) running after kids to beat them madly? Such was the principal of my second missionary school..
Principal of first missionary school was not that much cruel, but no less than the other one. I kinda feel that these ppl are themselves depressed and they express it on innocent kids.