Anyone else miss the person they used to be?

[Tomorrow Is Today]

Lately I've been thinking a lot about how I used to be a year ago, before my mental health went off the rails.

I used to be quite a carefree and laid back person. I was doing quite well in university, had a good circle of friends and a stable relationship. I think what I miss the most is my mindset then. Somehow I knew how to just enjoy things as they were in the moment, and I didn't ponder too much about what the point of everything was.

Contrasting that to the current me, I honestly feel quite pathetic. I've squandered my potential, and I live a shallow routine of just finding immediate pleasures every day. To make things worse I find it so hard to find enjoyment in things now. Even at times where I have fun I just get hit with the realisation that's it's all temporary afterwards.

I think it was always a matter of time before the illusion cracked, but I do wish I could go back to the me before, at least he seemed happy.

 

[Drogon]

Every single day

 

[EternalShore]

I just want to be forever 12~ >_< Things were just better for both me and the world back when I was in elementary and middle school~ Now, things are so hopeless, and one just needs to do endless work while barely surviving to maybe afford something nice (being able to re-experience those days as a grown-up) one day~ :(((((((

 

[heywey]

I logged in to an old discord account the other day and found a group chat where I had talked every day with friends for years. I had completely forgotten about it. I spent an evening going through it all, looking at all my old messages like I was a different person. I had good days and bad days, but there was always this positivity and wit in it all -- I was kind and smart and funny, I joked around and had fun, I was happy to talk about my life because I didn't only have negative things to say like I do now.

It was an uncomfortable feeling. I just made it all look so... Easy. Like I didn't know any other way to be. Before Pandora's box opened, or before the illusion cracked as you put it OP. I'm so far from the person I was then, and not in a good way.

I like to think it's not entirely lost, though. I say it was uncomfortable but really it was more bittersweet -- because if I was that person once there's no reason I can't be them again. It was a sharp reminder of the distance between ourselves and what we know we could be, but also that there's a path there, however long and treacherous it may be.

 

[Deepdense]

I'm afraid of what worse would have happened to me if I continued being who I was.

 

[iwkmsssb]

It's crazy how i relate to this so much. I've been grieving the person i once was a year ago because i was distracted and free, i had friends and a partner and i was living while enjoying the moment and i didn't have the time for the usual existential crisis.

but everything went to shit and my mental has been diminishing for months, people have left me and are getting irritated with me because i'm stuck in this state of emptiness and sorrow. it really is a matter of time until you feel like everything and everyone is meaningless. if only we could go back.

also evangelion peak

 

[yura]

I used to be so happy, i really miss that days. A year ago i had a possitive hiv diagnosis and a month later my older brother died all of the sudden
I really miss happiness