Discussion Anyone else just existing rn?

[WalmartSoap]

Because of my perfectionism and the anger issues that come along with it, I find it hard to pick up any hobbies. When I do, they just seem like chores after a while until I inevitably abandon them. Right now and for the last few years, my life has been a constant cycle. Hate every minute I'm at work (or school), then come home and do nothing with my life. The only activities I consistently find a semblance of joy in are eating and laying in bed like a fucking zoo animal. And at least they're appreciated. My life is a waste of time and space, and though I feel sick of wallowing in self-pity (because I don't even deserve it), I don't have anything else to do.

 

[hurts2b]

Always. Just existing in a bare minimum fashion. Minus some of the self pity in my case. But like. No shame at all, this is often how things go for people like us. Unfortunate as that may be.

 

[lilb0wpeep]

Yes absolutely and I think it's making me want to blow my brains out even more. I don't want to be here but I am. Because I don't have any way out I have to do something to make it bearable, aka I have to work so I can have money so I can spend it on food and a roof over my head(I don't even pay for rent atm but once I have to again idk if I'll make it). Very second I'm at work I want to die and if not I wanna go home and die. Every second I'm not at work I wanna die. Very sort of distraction doesn't work and or I feel to tired/hurt/-1m will to do them. So I sit here eating, thinking about eating, possibly watching sm, probably scrolling sm, wishing I could just end all of this already.

 

[EuclidianMisery]

Because of my perfectionism and the anger issues that come along with it, I find it hard to pick up any hobbies. When I do, they just seem like chores after a while until I inevitably abandon them. Right now and for the last few years, my life has been a constant cycle. Hate every minute I'm at work (or school), then come home and do nothing with my life. The only activities I consistently find a semblance of joy in are eating and laying in bed like a fucking zoo animal. And at least they're appreciated. My life is a waste of time and space, and though I feel sick of wallowing in self-pity (because I don't even deserve it), I don't have anything else to do.

I put off suicide due to GTA 6 but since its going to be stupid-expensive, I thought that was the end of it.
Nope! The game industry decided to revive the AA scene and we're getting some promising titles coming around the corner. Ones that I would surely beat myself should I die before trying them. I'm looking at Fatekeeper and Sinking City 2. Those look worth checking out before hitting the grave. Well for me at least.

I can understand the perfectioinism part perfectly well. I am also someone who tries to perfect process and gets frustrated when I make mistakes. Which is partly the reason why I don't like Soulslike, because having to backtrack to beat bosses is just plain annoying. Yet I can get into DMC3 because it spawns you outside the arean which is okay by me. However, back you I can understand why hobbies seem hard to get into and trust me when i say they're not really needed to live a good life. Fuck, what are hobbies anyways? Crafting? Reading? Eating? Their all tasks with fancy wording and I don't think its a sin to say this simple statement. To live to eat good food is a damn good way to live life to its fullest and that's perfectly fine. I don't know the full extent of your situation but hear me out when you could make life more interesting with small choice such as a simple meal. Like, holy shit, what do you mean I can turn this cheap ass burger into something gourmet with a few spices and sauces? That's incredible! Wow, eating is awesome!

Wherever you are, I hope your life gets better. Take care.

 

[enjoytheride]

Today I went to the gym for the first time in years. I thought it was a bad idea until I started working out. After working out I bought a cold yoghurt drink, sat on a bench at a small park, under the shade, and noticed that I couldn't remember the last time I felt so much at peace and relaxed, feeling like I finally did something meaningful for myself.

People don't lie when they say physical activity helps us feel better. I regret I didn't start going to the gym in January or February, as I ended up burning out in March due to being overworked at school. It would have helped me with sleep and self-esteem issues. I would have felt and appeared more confident for students.

For about an hour or an hour and a half I forgot issues I have in life or rather didn't care and cared about working different muscles of my body, right there, right now. I regained some agency.

Well, I am still cautious about being optimistic about going to the gym, but I will give it a try and use all the 8 gym sessions I paid for (like a package), and see how it goes. It is surely not a silver bullet, but it can definitely be part of the solution or of a strategy that makes life more bearable.

 

[deadpornstarr!]

Because of my perfectionism and the anger issues that come along with it, I find it hard to pick up any hobbies. When I do, they just seem like chores after a while until I inevitably abandon them. Right now and for the last few years, my life has been a constant cycle. Hate every minute I'm at work (or school), then come home and do nothing with my life. The only activities I consistently find a semblance of joy in are eating and laying in bed like a fucking zoo animal. And at least they're appreciated. My life is a waste of time and space, and though I feel sick of wallowing in self-pity (because I don't even deserve it), I don't have anything else to do.

kind of stunned at the relatability here . ive been kind of okay with hobbies some days but its inconsisetent but ... yeah... we're the same person haha . (im currently laying in bed being useless . wallowing in self-pity . yup . fuck this universe its shit here i hate being sentient)

 

[WalmartSoap]

Today I went to the gym for the first time in years. I thought it was a bad idea until I started working out. After working out I bought a cold yoghurt drink, sat on a bench at a small park, under the shade, and noticed that I couldn't remember the last time I felt so much at peace and relaxed, feeling like I finally did something meaningful for myself.

People don't lie when they say physical activity helps us feel better. I regret I didn't start going to the gym in January or February, as I ended up burning out in March due to being overworked at school. It would have helped me with sleep and self-esteem issues. I would have felt and appeared more confident for students.

For about an hour or an hour and a half I forgot issues I have in life or rather didn't care and cared about working different muscles of my body, right there, right now. I regained some agency.

Well, I am still cautious about being optimistic about going to the gym, but I will give it a try and use all the 8 gym sessions I paid for (like a package), and see how it goes. It is surely not a silver bullet, but it can definitely be part of the solution or of a strategy that makes life more bearable.

That's great to hear! I'm glad you found something that is working for you right now. I'm so on-and-off with exercise, one day it feels relieving just like how you put it, another I'm breaking down because I feel like shit about my body and my capabilities. But maybe I can muster the strength to go on a walk or something. At least for today.

 

[enjoytheride]

Thank you for replying. A walk can be a great way to relax and burn some calories. I hope you can go and enjoy it!

Allow me to challenge your thoughts about your body and capabilities. I am not in shape but I know that any minute I spend exercising at the gym makes things better. And in the end, this is what matters. It doesn't matter if I look like a Hercules statue.

There's inherent value in exercising. If you are tempted to compare your body to anybody else's, just say that's unnecessary and move on. Don't feed it. It is a useless thought. The important thought is that you are improving your health, the way you feel and are doing something good for yourself, that you deserve.

 

[Redhand5]

Because of my perfectionism and the anger issues that come along with it, I find it hard to pick up any hobbies. When I do, they just seem like chores after a while until I inevitably abandon them. Right now and for the last few years, my life has been a constant cycle. Hate every minute I'm at work (or school), then come home and do nothing with my life. The only activities I consistently find a semblance of joy in are eating and laying in bed like a fucking zoo animal. And at least they're appreciated. My life is a waste of time and space, and though I feel sick of wallowing in self-pity (because I don't even deserve it), I don't have anything else to do.

Yeah. I can relate to what you said. In April I hit a rough spot in life, but started going for walks and exercising and it felt great. I thought that a new chapter in life was unlocked. By in late may I got the worst news imaginable by me. I haven't been able to function at all, quit going to therapy, quit walking and exercising, quit socializing, quit doing everything really. All I can manage now is eat shit sleep, sometimes shower.
Days into dreams, dreams into nightmares, nightmares into days again. Each hour stained by the sorrows of my life. Each sorrow built by my own failures. Each failure a wasted hope of an errant life chasing ill spent time.

 

[solveetcoagula]

same here, just going on autopilot. I also like to stay in bed with the heater on, listening to the sound it makes and reflecting until i eventually fall asleep​

 

[passthisnote]

Because of my perfectionism and the anger issues that come along with it, I find it hard to pick up any hobbies. When I do, they just seem like chores after a while until I inevitably abandon them. Right now and for the last few years, my life has been a constant cycle. Hate every minute I'm at work (or school), then come home and do nothing with my life. The only activities I consistently find a semblance of joy in are eating and laying in bed like a fucking zoo animal. And at least they're appreciated. My life is a waste of time and space, and though I feel sick of wallowing in self-pity (because I don't even deserve it), I don't have anything else to do.

yes and rn im 19 so it only gets worse from here on out so ima ctb next year but until then im just enjoying playing games and stuff like that bc ik it'll all be over soon

 

[tiramisu]

i lie in bed all day, every day, waiting to die.

 

[Kenny]

Yeah, I definitely feel like I just exist sometimes. I usually just sit alone and talk to people online, maybe sketch some stuff or come up with ambitious ideas at most. Even when I go out and do something it doesn't feel meaningful to me, it just all feels pointless some days.

 

[dragonofenvy]

I feel as though I've experienced everything life has to offer me and am now reluctantly waiting until it ends.

 

[donwhitman]

I try not to spend more than 10 hrs awake and every time I go to sleep I pray that I don't wake up.

 

[notreallybored]

ב''ה, obligated to be miserable for three weeks to mourn the Temple (in Jerusalem).

Reminded that the Temple practices, while basically the same as goes on in day to day food production and barbecue, would technically form substances that would get a Prop 65 warning in California for being known harmful to life.

The Boomers and the Beats already stared into that and all the potential contradictions that only miracles can solve and took that level of leisure and financial wherewithal away from the following generations. Whee.

 

[Forever Sleep]

In terms of what I'm getting out of life- very much so. I feel like I'm begrudgingly existing. Like you OP, I do enjoy food. It's one of the only times life feels ok and pleasurable. But then, I hate the consequences of being fat so much. So, it's such a bittersweet thing.

Ultimately though, I feel like I'm forced to stay here- so as to not upset my Dad. Forced to work to pay for it- so that I don't become a burden on him. But then, both those things build up such a resentment inside me. I feel angry so often that I'm trapped here and expected to maintain this state. Plus, I feel the need to hide that from him. So, it's all just exhausting.

 

[SMeOand]

Same the only way I can have any fun is by escapism and even thats beginning to wain off it seems like I will have to result to more extreme options just to get the same feeling soon

 

[WalmartSoap]

Same the only way I can have any fun is by escapism and even thats beginning to wain off it seems like I will have to result to more extreme options just to get the same feeling soon

Same here. Doomscrolling is my chosen method of escapism, personally, but even that's starting to get boring. It's easy for me to get addicted to anything slightly dopamine-enducing, hence why I don't drink or get into drugs. I think it would be a guaranteed vice from then on if I did. Unfortunately, it seems I still have some self-preservation left in me.

I feel as though I've experienced everything life has to offer me and am now reluctantly waiting until it ends.

This. People say there's a lot to live for, but if you're stuck in an endless loop, it's hard to get out. The monotony has become comfortable to me. And all that good shit that life offers? Majority of it is exclusive to those with financial freedom and the fucking confidence to get outside.

 

[notreallybored]

Same the only way I can have any fun is by escapism and even thats beginning to wain off it seems like I will have to result to more extreme options just to get the same feeling soon

ב''ה,

Just posting this since it's entertaining and aside from putting me off that's the only utility it has: I leaned in hard to "G-d's sense of humor" in all the American, media contrived ways I was raised on so maybe I deserve this, but I can't even do escapism because, for example, imagining non-toxic physical contact presaged or mystically brought on a few weeks of being punched in the back by a rando I was stuck networking with.

I could elaborate and it is hilarious if not actually living it but I'll just leave it that that's not a one off, and that let up at all just in time for 'the way crazy Jewish stuff does holidays with weeks of self-affliction' starting on July 4, and whether completely having faith like I'm supposed to or demonstrating appreciation for the 1A right to perform my race I'm not supposed to experience joy for three weeks or it's sacrilege, so whew.