anyone else hating when people ask you how you're doin?

[_Minsk]

like youre close to forget about the hell you're in, and then, BOOM *random person*: hi how are you?
hahha i wish i could say i fucking love my life and actually feel it.. can anyone relate?

 

[Good4Nothing]

"I'm depressed as hell and want to kill myself. How are you?"

 

[GerMann]

Yes, what is a correct answear?

 

[Sinai Silence]

I wish I had a button that said; "I'm great how are you?" so I didn't have to waste my energy lying to people.

 

[maru.]

Yeah, i know what you mean.
This is something most people ask out of custom and politeness more than anything else.
Very few times people actually want to know how you are, it's something automatic: "How are you?" "I'm good! What about you?"
And both people carry on with their days, it's more of a greeting than an actual question.
No one asks this planning on starting an actual conversation about one's well being.
When people want to actually do just that, they're usually more direct and transparent about it, because it's more serious and they truly think something's wrong.
If we are honest, and answer "No, i'm not ok", it's just inconvenient unfortunately.
A couple of years ago i'd usually answer with: "Suicidal thoughts aside, i'm good!", of course, i was "just joking".

 

[andresantosfx]

"I'm depressed as hell and want to kill myself. How are you?"

Exaaactly. But no one wants to hear about other people's problems. More than that, if they can't solve it, why would I say?

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

It gets on my nerves. Especially when it's mindless and not following up something specific. I once got accused in a group housing situation of "borderline bullying" because I stopped answering the question and made it clear from my expression and body language I did not like the question. People I saw multiple times a day, every day, asking me every fucking day. Shut the fuck up with that. Listen to what's coming out of your mouth. How am I doing? I was doing fine until you asked. I was living my life. Same as yesterday. Same as every goddamned day before. Was I fine yesterday? And the day before? And do I look the same? Your question has been answered.

But I also get being mindlessly nice and getting butt hurt and feeling rejected when someone doesn't want to play the nice game. It's uncomfortable to have that niceness dropped or handed back, and then to recognize being mindless, and thinking I was operating from only good intentions, when really I didn't know my intentions at all.

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

I mostly ignore this question in public now because it's a pointless superficial nicety. People don't want the real answer anyways so what is the point in asking the question in the first place? It's an extremely annoying question with others expecting that you say "I'm fine" or "Good."

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Yes because the 'correct' answer ranges from "not bad" to "great" and if I were honest people would just get uncomfortable and stop talking to me.

 

[TAW122]

Yeah I think it's just usual customs and superficial niceties that the status quo has established. I don't think anything of it and it's certainly better than the pro-life spiel or having people project their 'pro-life' dogma towards me.

 

[Isadeth]

I go with a simple, "ah, you know, how are you doing?" Bypass and avoid. Seems to work most of the time. I don't like small talk though, especially with people I barely talk to normally. I have been known to absolutely overshare with the truth though, especially if I'm in a mood and want the shock value and to see their face. They usually never ask again. Win some, lose some. It really just depends on the day I've had and if I have the time.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

It depends on the reason why they say it. If someone says "How are you doing?" and they genuinely mean it, as in, they actually want to know how I'm doing then I don't mind it; in fact it's nice to know that someone cares... Though this is rare.

If they say it just for the sake of using the phrase then it can get a bit annoying. I don't mean that I get annoyed at the person saying it, because they are just trying to follow the social norm, and maybe they are afraid of being perceived as rude if they don't say it.

Lastly: One way it does make me angry though, both the phrase and the person using it, is when they ask it because they think I'm in a bad mood; like if they say: "You're not smiling are you feeling alright?" When they use the phrase in this context is comes across as judgemental, because they are assuming I'm grumpy for one reason or another when I'm not. In some cases they will even use it in a sarcastic, mocking tone. That really ticks me off. I don't show it externally but inside I want to tell them where to go.

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

I think that when people are hurting, it's one of the worst questions to be asked. Whether the person asking knows your situation or not. Nobody wants to be seen as weak. And generally people don't want to burden others with their problems.
That said I do think that the people asking mostly have good intentions. But it does remind you of how broken you're feeling, and you know that even if you were to tell them, there's very little chance that they'll be able to say anything to you that will actually help. I really struggle with it myself, because I can't be dishonest with people. So I generally just deflect if I can.

 

[HappyMstake]

Yeah cause you're always expected to use the generic "good, wbu?"

 

[disabledandhopeless]

Yes. They just want to hear "I'm fine" but I'm obviously not.

 

[rhiino]

Sure, that question outright sucks when you feel like shit. They don't expect you to answer truthfully anyway and struggle with an honest answer, so why ask a question where people have to lie in the first place?
I get that people try to be nice and that is a part of it, but you can be nice in so many other ways than expecting people to eventually lie because your question is superficial. In todays society it would be sufficient for many people to stop being a complete dick in order to be "nice" anyway.

 

[Merith]

The worse thing is when someone says "How are you doing, good?" as if there's only one correct answer. Though, it doesn't bother me much just to say "sure" and forget about it

 

[Baguette]

like youre close to forget about the hell you're in, and then, BOOM *random person*: hi how are you?
hahha i wish i could say i fucking love my life and actually feel it.. can anyone relate?

Then you finally tell them how you actually are and all you get is a message everyday for the next week saying "hey don't kill yourself". Then you keep saying you're fine until they eventually leave you alone.

 

[Thinking]

This is exactly how my conversations go with my family.
Mom: So how are you
Me: I'm great how are you
Mom: fine, I can't complain
*Awkward silence*

It's aweful and so fake

 

[Red Dog]

My stock reply is..'unless you're a trained psycho therapist with a couple of hours to spare I'm not answering'...that usually produces a nervous twitch and silence. It's hard to find someone who has the time and gives a fuck.

 

[InterstateFlowers]

Oh my god, I hate it so, so much! I usually don't mind and give a fake answer like "I'm fine, how about you?" and continue the conversation on something else. I realize that it's not anyone's intention to bring my day down but I don't wanna seem rude and tell them I'm not comfortable when they're just asking. I noticed that it's even worse with outside family members like aunts or uncles. I don't talk to them at all but in the occasion where I need to like a family gathering, everyone's so pushy on what I'm doing for a job and school. Even if I try to change the conversation, it'll somehow go back to how I'm doing job wise, school wise, and financially. :( I don't want to ruin the atmosphere by complaining but it tears me up because I'm so pathetic compared to everyone and I don't want to cry in front of everyone.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

Even if I try to change the conversation, it'll somehow go back to how I'm doing job wise, school wise, and financially.

I agree completely! That's the worst! It's one thing when it's a meaningless platitude, but when they start digging into your life it can become super painful. This is the last thing I want to talk about!

 

[so tired or manic]

it's always small talk and no one truly cares. I just say "okay" and there's no questions. answering honestly usually results in an awkward chuckle and the conversation gets steered to what they wanted to talk about in the first place.

 

[Woodnote]

I don't mind it on here because I can be honest about how I feel but in real life I hate answering that question.

 

[Rue89]

I hate that question. Nobody really wants to know. They just want to hear something along the lines of "good" or "fine." Even if by chance someone wanted the truth I could never tell them. Except here of course, where I know people actually mean it when they ask, and I can be myself and I don't have to lie.

 

[nightquest00]

My often go to strategy, is to say:

1) "I am alright. Not very different than yesterday and probably similar to tomorrow"
2) Then with a big smile ask: "What about you how are you doing?"

This serves two purposes: (1) Makes sure the other person understand that tomorrow there is no point asking the same question and (2) take the focus out of myself and put the focus on the other person (they usually like to speak and not to hear anyway).

If I want to be heard, I talk to my therapist.

 

[Let'sgetoutofHERE]

I mostly ignore this question in public now because it's a pointless superficial nicety. People don't want the real answer anyways so what is the point in asking the question in the first place? It's an extremely annoying question with others expecting that you say "I'm fine" or "Good."

In France people often don't even answer the question, a typical conversation often starts with "How are you?" - "And you?" It's definitely more a greeting than anything else

 

[so tired or manic]

had a coworker who would always respond "just ducky" if it was raining

 

[Vault of Memories]

I don't know if I've ever responded to this question honestly.

 

[Garbage Person]

I'm glad I'm not working currently or exposed to the public. My mind would probably spiral out of control considering the banality of it all while at the same time not being able to pinpoint my feelings anymore. "Eh, pretty good."