Anyone else get gaslit daily?

[Blue LIPS]

It seems eventually people learn I'll snap pretty quickly and take advantage of that. Want me fired? Keep fucking with me. I find it everywhere with any group of people eventually. Then play dumb...

 

[Endeavour]

I used to when I was with the ex wife. She once went to a work party and was supposed to be home at midnight, midnight came and went, it was snowing like crazy outside, I was worried she was dead in a ditch somewhere. I tried rining her on her personal and work phone, both off, both had supposedly run out of battery.

She finally turned up at almost 5am. I hadn't slept a wink.

Where have you been?

Ooooh how dare you! You don't trust me, you have trust issues, you have low self esteem, you don't care about me, you don't love me, etc.

Amazingly I'm sat there thinking how awful I'm being to her - then I suddenly thought - hang on, what the flip am I thinking, I've been laying here worried sick for nearly 5 hours, don't know where she's been, I'm only asking because she disappeared - and I'm the unreasonable one.

Yeah, it sucks. She used to mess with my head loads, say something then deny she'd ever said it, etc. She even tried it when she'd written stuff in texts.

 

[lago]

I do; my wife is similar to Endeavour's ex.

 

[Endeavour]

I do; my wife is similar to Endeavour's ex.

Some of the stuff mine did - and also one of the gaslighter or cheats favourite tactics is to accuse you of what they're doing.

 

[BornofDust]

Yep. Especially from my parents. That's one of the reasons why I generally try to isolate myself even in public and just try to not exist.

 

[lago]

Some of the stuff mine did - and also one of the gaslighter or cheats favourite tactics is to accuse you of what they're doing.

I won't claim my wife cheats (she hates sex) - but the accusations thing (projection) is spot-on.

 

[Symbiote]

I used to when I was with the ex wife. She once went to a work party and was supposed to be home at midnight, midnight came and went, it was snowing like crazy outside, I was worried she was dead in a ditch somewhere. I tried rining her on her personal and work phone, both off, both had supposedly run out of battery.

She finally turned up at almost 5am. I hadn't slept a wink.

Where have you been?

Ooooh how dare you! You don't trust me, you have trust issues, you have low self esteem, you don't care about me, you don't love me, etc.

Amazingly I'm sat there thinking how awful I'm being to her - then I suddenly thought - hang on, what the flip am I thinking, I've been laying here worried sick for nearly 5 hours, don't know where she's been, I'm only asking because she disappeared - and I'm the unreasonable one.

Yeah, it sucks. She used to mess with my head loads, say something then deny she'd ever said it, etc. She even tried it when she'd written stuff in texts.

Damn know the feeling all too well. Wife did the same shit and if I cared for her or wondered why, she says I'm too controlling, and that I dont love her and that she needs space. Then continues that for 3 days straight until I'm broken and ready to cave my head in with a hammer.

 

[Ghost2211]

My ex did constantly, and still will if we argue. I've learned to tell him "My feelings and perception of reality are valid, and you don't get to manipulate me anymore."

 

[Captive of Mind]

It seems eventually people learn I'll snap pretty quickly and take advantage of that. Want me fired? Keep fucking with me. I find it everywhere with any group of people eventually. Then play dumb...

Ohh yeah, you aren't imagining things. I find that most people are this way. Once they know how to push your buttons, they will do it more and more until you react. Then they could act all innocent and make you feel crazy. It could be for their entertainment or maybe they are in a bad mood and want to take it out on someone.

Just look at the ways other primates treat each other. There is an evolutionary biologist who studied baboons for over 30 years and he put it this way:

"If you're a baboon, you spend about 3 hours a day getting your calories, so this means you have about 9 hours a day to devote to making somebody else just miserable. They're not being stressed by lions chasing them all the time, they're being stressed by each other. They're being stressed by social and psychological tumult invented by their own species. They're a perfect model for westernized stress related diseases."

Here's the clip from the National Geographic special I got this from:
Stress, Portrait of a Killer - Robert Sapolsky (National Geographic Special) - YouTube

 

[woknows]

I won't claim my wife cheats (she hates sex) - but the accusations thing (projection) is spot-on.

Maybe she hates sex with you.

 

[Captive of Mind]

Maybe she hates sex with you.

That's rude and uncalled for. I'm sure the guy feels bad enough about the sex life of his marriage.

 

[woknows]

If he faces the possible truth, maybe he can kick her out of his life and get a woman who would make him happier.
Of course, if you think she is only capable of gaslighting him and not capable of lying. Good for you.

 

[Captive of Mind]

If he faces the possible truth, maybe he can kick her out of his life and get a woman who would make him happier.

Why not say that instead of bluntly pointing out something that probably hurts him?

 

[woknows]

Maybe I got not social skills from my parents and I have suffered years of abuse and is the reason I am here.

 

[Endeavour]

Maybe she hates sex with you.

Mine hated sex apart from occasionally, but I'm sure she had at least 2 or 3 sexual affairs - so it was just with me, I don't think it's rude to point out that possibility, it's probably closer to reality.

 

[woknows]

Maybe she was broken and could not enjoy sex, but had to try to make sure. just an option.
Figuring out peoples reasons is sometimes very difficult.

 

[MindFog]

Yeah, definitely.. Everytime I point out that they're wrong about something, it always turn into a full blown fight.

Didn't close the coffee lid? = Calls me out on a bad thing I did.

Throw their mask anywhere but the trash? = It doesnt matter, cause I'm jobless and I shouldnt complain

Didn't turn off the gas stove?= I'm ruining this family.

It's tiring to argue, I'm always wrong about everything. And they wonder why I dont feel confident about myself.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

My ex might of done that, but I'm extremely unsure of that.
I have BPD, so very sensitive anyway, but I'm pretty sure he did gaslight me a lot.
My Mum doesn't do it, my step Dad does, but quite mildly compared to most examples I've seen.
He also always interrupts people too, which pisses me off.

 

[L951788]

My god this thread. All these problems. Why do people even do this? I'm planning to end myself pretty soon. This shit is just crazy. Or maybe it's just me because I've tried to live with an ethical foundation my whole life.

 

[DivineMedicus]

My god this thread. All these problems. Why do people even do this? I'm planning to end myself pretty soon. I encourage any of you to do the same. This shit is just crazy. Or maybe it's just me because I've tried to live with an ethical foundation my whole life.

While I understand your sentiment, I would remove that fifth sentence if I were you, as it goes against the rules.

 

[lago]

That's rude and uncalled for. I'm sure the guy feels bad enough about the sex life of his marriage.

No, it's OK. She does hate me, and hates sex with me, but also clearly finds it disgusting in general. She's got numerous medical and mental problems and is very abusive. If she wasn't physically dependent on me, we'd both want to break up. As it stands, the only way I can break up is suicide, so I don't have to see the consequences.

 

[blue_muse]

Happens almost daily, usually when defending myself as the scapegoated one in the family by bringing up various family members' wrongdoings. Found that the best way to beat them at their own game is to disengage and repeat some of their behaviour back at them.