Anyone else feeling like ctb is inevitable?

[_Minsk]

I can't live this life anymore. I really tried to keep going and preserve what is, but its not enough and I can't keep it up any longer. It will all just break down over and over again, and im already burned out from this life, i cant relax, i cant enjoy anything.
Can anyone relate to any of this?

 

[Snake of Eden]

Yes i know what you are talking about. I wish dying was easier

 

[FuneralCry]

I have never wanted to be alive and of course suicide is the right thing for me, only I just wish it was easier to get there. I am held back by the lack of peaceful, reliable exit and the fear of failure. I am very tired of living and there is no point to continuing this pointless life. I do not enjoy anything as well. In my case, life is just suffering and this will never change.

 

[miserableforever]

I can.
I'm the typical yes-sayer and taken advantage of my whole life, just watching them do it cause I felt it's what I deserved.
Being dead is the only way out, but I can't cause I have 2 young daughters that need me here.
Anyway, not to make it about myself, just wanted to say, I can relate!
I hope you feel ok today :)

 

[Noctis]

Yup. I've thought about catching the bus since third grade. I've thought about my suicide many, many times.

At this point, it feels weird to imagine dying any other way.

 

[Onthe29th]

Yes, I don't look forward to anything anymore. It's only a matter of time and it must be done sooner rather then later.

 

[rationaltake]

So much. I can't stand the agony. Things I loved just hurt. Had it. That's all. Just had it.

 

[Foresight]

Yes, ctb is inevitable for me and I won't delude myself otherwise. The world let me know I'm not welcome. I still have control over when, and I'm regaining power over what I do until then. I'm not done yet, I'll kindly show myself out when I want. That's my right. I've come to enjoy the deterioration and resurgence because each time I lose more bullshit I was carrying. I don't mind the ups and downs, I just have an ultimate fate of constant decline that will be the end. I don't like to forget that.

I've spent more time feeling like you do now then in a revived state. As long as I have a roof over my head and hot water from pure luck I tend to rest up and reassess. My mind is getting crazier and crazier though so I probably have less cycles at this rate.

 

[Crazy4u]

yeah, the sooner the better

 

[Rational man]

I think i will ctb or seek assistance legally. My physical body can only tolerate pain for so long and then i,will welcome the end.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

There's only so much we can take. When one is exposed to hurt, pain, and suffering over and over again with no reprieve, it is natural to be fed up with it and to seek relief. Unfortunately, many problems do not currently have solutions.

Over time, as one's burdens continue to accumulate, it is only par for the course to encounter an insurmountable obstacle, such as aging, disease, loss, and so on. While no one ever wants to find themselves in a position where ctb is the only option, it seems inevitable when you've been experiencing a problem for years upon years, even decades, with full knowledge that there is no end in sight.

 

[Somber]

I can.
I'm the typical yes-sayer and taken advantage of my whole life, just watching them do it cause I felt it's what I deserved.
Being dead is the only way out, but I can't cause I have 2 young daughters that need me here.
Anyway, not to make it about myself, just wanted to say, I can relate!
I hope you feel ok today :)

I think it's great you somehow find the strength to carry on for your children. Can't be easy to be dealing with SI while simultaneously being somebody they look up to.

I hope you can hold onto that spark that keeps you going since the 3 of you most definitely deserve the best.

 

[PreussenBlueJay]

As time goes on I care less and less about my life. I don't feel sadness often. It's emptiness. I haven't made it to work on time in years. My boss is kind and won't fire me, but I don't care that I'm taking advantage. I don't want to get up in the morning and I don't want to do anything.

I formerly thought that I might be able to waste time until the end but there's only so many times you can count the days and be disappointed that you're barely any closer. It's extra difficult to live each day with unbroken ennui, even knowing that things could be yet worse.

I guess I'm just waiting for a good reason because for now I don't feel strongly either way, but the facts of life mean there are plenty of impetuses awaiting me.

 

[TheHatedOne]

Since a long time I've told myself that I will definitely die by ctb. I can't live that much longer. I wasn't made for life. All I experience is pain. I simply can't imagine living through this whole hellish thing, I need to end it soon all while I still can.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

I keep thinking the same things over and over. I am buried alive under catch-22s and a lack of meta-motivation. There is definitely no way out for me.

 

[Life interrupted]

I think i will ctb or seek assistance legally. My physical body can only tolerate pain for so long and then i,will welcome the end.

Did you try applying to Pegasos?

 

[houseofleaves]

I always felt like i'm going to die by catching the bus, this is the only type of death that i, er, accept

 

[eternalflame]

Holy sh*t, yes.

 

[twinpeaks]

I feel like that is what people expect from me honestly. I keep imagining my friends/family/coworkers laughing and taking bets on when I'll finally do it. Like I can't imagine the people in my life, especially people I'm not super close with, reacting in a way other than "well who didn't see that coming?"

 

[Rational man]

Did you try applying to Pegasos?

No. The cost and travelling are difficult but it may still happen!.

 

[rationaltake]

No. The cost and travelling are difficult but it may still happen!.

I've thought of Pegasos. I have severe mental health conditions. I spend a lot of time in bed and don't even have a passport.

 

[thedaywillcome]

I want to ctb, but my SI is pushing back. But for how long?? For how long?