Anyone else CTB because of losing/driving away their soulmate?

[unloveable27]

I ruined my only chance at love with a perfect girl and wasn't there for her like she was there for me. I just wouldn't stop drinking. I haven't drank since April but it's too late now.
But we've been no contact the last 3 years and I haven't felt one bit better since it started.
We were meant to be. I just didn't try hard enough. Now CTB is all that will end the regret and suffering and chest pain loneliness

 

[itsgone2]

This is the root of my problems. I've talked a lot about my company being sold and this awful job market. But if I could go back the first thing I'd fix is being a better husband. I had someone that loved me and I let her get away. Just awful. I had a lifetime partner. Losing that is so painful

 

[StupidCat]

No, that's a pretty cringe reason

 

[unloveable27]

No, that's a pretty cringe reason

I know your trolling but it's serious once you meet them and it happens. You can meet people you can't live without.

 

[sulvumnolo]

I wake up every single day having a panic attack. Wondering if she's already with someone else.

 

[Nightingale93]

I guess that's why I've been hiding and numbing my emotions my whole life. I don't ever want to experience loss at that scale.

 

[xXiloveyouXx]

Yes, but as I've realized, my soulmate is death and nothingness itself, and I see her in every girl I love and become obsessed with. What's painful is knowing that I truly don't have a soulmate in the form of another person like I always wished for. Just the inflection point where I can finally touch my own mirrored image and feel complete instead of lacking my "sibling" soul

 

[StupidCat]

I know your trolling but it's serious once you meet them and it happens. You can meet people you can't live without.

I'm sorry, it's just that I've never felt romantic love. Must be nice.

 

[Afterglow]

Yeah. I had my perfect woman too. And I ruined it.

Not intentionally. That's the worst part. Sometimes I needed space so badly I disappeared. Other times my depression took over and she became the only thing holding me up, which isn't fair to put on anyone. I swung between pulling away and leaning too hard, and I eventually wore her down.

She tried longer than she should have. I see that now.

I don't blame her for leaving. I just wish I'd been healthier before I met her. Or quieter about the parts of me that were drowning.

 

[IsolatedChaos]

I almost goddamn did.
I'm very glad I didn't, though. I sobered up to the reality of it, I've allowed myself to get angry rather then forgive them unconditionally and realized how much they weren't worth it.

I respect people's right to decide if they want to ctb for whatever reason. But I do believe you shouldn't kill yourself for someone else.

 

[capi]

Im so embarrassed not being over my ex yet man, that makes me ctb even more, because you cant even talk about it with anyone without thinking you're pathetic