Anyone else soley CTB because they drove away their ex?

[unloveable27]

She was my smarttest prettiest funniest & talented best friend and the only girl that will ever love me.
All the advice I get is horrible
"Go to a book/coffee shop"
IVE BEEN GOING TO TWO BOOKSTORES SINCE BEFORE PUBERY IVE NEVER ONCE HAD A CONVERSATION START THERE EVER
All meet-up groups are lonely old men, half seeming to be almost homeless and there for the free food.
women my age are all on meatgrinder dating apps that reduce you to a photo and bio

I'm not turning 28 a kissless virgin because if I still don't have a girlfriend I'm CTB in August before my birthday

 

[CarbonBased]

I'm in no position to give you advice, but I think bookstores might really not be the best option, especially if you have trouble starting a conversation with strangers. I think a better way might be attending some activities that are inherently social. Maybe some arts workshop, a debate class, an improv course. Whatever it is that you like most. I also suggest that you don't try to force it. Bonding with a person takes time, so if your goal is to 'pick up a girl' so that you can get laid by August, I would suggest that you don't even try.
It's not my place to judge your values, but I think that caring so much about virginity is silly. Why do you attach your self-worth to the ability to get laid?

 

[unloveable27]

I'm in no position to give you advice, but I think bookstores might really not be the best option, especially if you have trouble starting a conversation with strangers. I think a better way might be attending some activities that are inherently social. Maybe some arts workshop, a debate class, an improv course. Whatever it is that you like most. I also suggest that you don't try to force it. Bonding with a person takes time, so if your goal is to 'pick up a girl' so that you can get laid by August, I would suggest that you don't even try.
It's not my place to judge your values, but I think that caring so much about virginity is silly. Why do you attach your self-worth to the ability to get laid?

Why would I not? It basically defines your worth in modern hypergamy society. It's the first insult people go to for a reason. And I just want a girlfriend because when I had one everything felt like it was going to be okay until the chronic pain. Now I'm alone and any lessons I learned are useless because I'll never have another girl. I don't think most classes are very social, most people will just be on their phones unless they're a lot older. That's what I see when I try to connect at least. Maybe where you live it's different.

 

[CarbonBased]

Why would I not? It basically defines your worth in modern hypergamy society. It's the first insult people go to for a reason. And I just want a girlfriend because when I had one everything felt like it was going to be okay until the chronic pain. Now I'm alone and any lessons I learned are useless because I'll never have another girl. I don't think most classes are very social, most people will just be on their phones unless they're a lot older. That's what I see when I try to connect at least. Maybe where you live it's different.

Sorry for making assumptions here, but I feel like you were dragged into a manosphere of some sort. It's very unfortunate how those who are most desperate to find a partner end up in a space that promotes the exact ideas that prevent them from achieving their goal.
Personally, I would never date somebody who agrees to date me because of my looks, income, or education. I see exactly 0 value in that. I suggest that you do the same. It's difficult to do, but you should find somebody who you can relate to, somebody who always makes you smile, somebody who you feel safe around. If the other person sees you the same way, they can overlook many of your personal flaws or shortcoming and work through them, especially if you're willing to do the same for them

 

[unloveable27]

Sorry for making assumptions here, but I feel like you were dragged into a manosphere of some sort. It's very unfortunate how those who are most desperate to find a partner end up in a space that promotes the exact ideas that prevent them from achieving their goal.
Personally, I would never date somebody who agrees to date me because of my looks, income, or education. I see exactly 0 value in that. I suggest that you do the same. It's difficult to do, but you should find somebody who you can relate to, somebody who always makes you smile, somebody who you feel safe around. If the other person sees you the same way, they can overlook many of your personal flaws or shortcoming and work through them, especially if you're willing to do the same for them

I don't get any opportunities to even speak with women my age. It's not difficult, it's impossible. And it's this way on purpose because of those stupid apps that ruined society.

 

[DeadnDusted]

Is the problem not getting over her or your current inability/hardship to find someone else?

I believe the latter is absolutely fixable, the dating market is shit but it's still possible for anyone to find another. Also the idea of love in this modern world at least is jacked up in my opinion, most people operate on temporary infatuation and convenience which is of little worth. I don't think you should link your self worth within society with this because it mostly just operates on purely animalistic instincts and evolutionary strategies in the first place which can be cruel and devoid of what people like to call love.

I'm not going to lie Ive been feeling suicidal over a breakup btw and that has lasted three years and counting so I kinda relate to your situation (not completely due fault of mine but still). In my case I've always rejected the idea that a significant other is disposable plus a few other things relating to my values/worldview and trauma that issued from the breakup which is what sparked my desire to check out.

 

[unloveable27]

Is the problem not getting over her or your current inability/hardship to find someone else?

I believe the latter is absolutely fixable, the dating market is shit but it's still possible for anyone to find another. Also the idea of love in this modern world at least is jacked up in my opinion, most people operate on temporary infatuation and convenience which is of little worth. I don't think you should link your self worth within society with this because it mostly just operates on purely animalistic instincts and evolutionary strategies in the first place which can be cruel and devoid of what people like to call love.

I'm not going to lie Ive been feeling suicidal over a breakup btw and that has lasted three years and counting so I kinda relate to your situation (not completely due fault of mine but still). In my case I've always rejected the idea that a significant other is disposable plus a few other things relating to my values/worldview and trauma that issued from the breakup which is what sparked my desire to check out.

I highly disagree that anyone can get love. There's a male loneliness epidemic for a reason and that is dating apps where only the best of the best men get any attention or real opportunities. Saying that anyone could get someone couldn't be farther from the truth. Sub 8 men of our generation are basically locked out of dating

 

[DeadnDusted]

I highly disagree that anyone can get love. There's a male loneliness epidemic for a reason and that is dating apps where only the best of the best men get any attention or real opportunities. Saying that anyone could get someone couldn't be farther from the truth. Sub 8 men of our generation are basically locked out of dating

It's true that dating apps are harder for men, but that doesn't mean everyone is doomed to not find a partner. I keep seeing men and women, who are genuinely not conventionally attractive, and even with crap personalities that are in relationships. In real life there are more factors that decide one's desirability than pure looks alone, for better or worse. Also most people in relationships are not even content or happy because it genuinely is that shit, most dont really set out to build long lasting relationships anymore, and a lot dont really get love from their SO, or even intimacy after some time. True unyielding love is rare even for good looking people.

 

[unloveable27]

It's true that dating apps are harder for men, but that doesn't mean everyone is doomed to not find a partner. I keep seeing men and women, who are genuinely not conventionally attractive, and even with crap personalities that are in relationships. In real life there are more factors that decide one's desirability than pure looks alone, for better or worse. Also most people in relationships are not even content or happy because it genuinely is that shit, a lot dont really get love from their so, or even intimacy after some time. True unyielding love is rare even for good looking people.

Not everyone, just the bottom 80% of men. I don't see ugly guys with girls in public, let alone attractive ones. They're at home sifting through their thousand options and deciding why each guy isn't good enough. Yes there are some bad options. That applies to guys too only we don't have infinite choices if any at all. It's definitely not an ecunemcial pain, men are the primary victims here which is why no one cares about it but the men effected. My own mother doesn't sympathize with me and just suggests I fill time with chores. They aren't the empathetic gender either.

 

[troubled_puppet]

hey, stranger. early thirties, still virgin. im a shut in.

im sorry about your breakup and your ex. i can hear that you're hurting.

i'll be blunt and frank. it's fucking challenging to the point where it can feel impossible sometimes. it's hard to go outside. hard to talk to people. hard to feel safe talking to people when it already doesn't feel worth it. and the people who dont have those hangups dont understand and cant empathize. I'm fucking trying my hardest every day, and it's still not enough.

everyone ive met is married. everyone ive met has a girlfriend or boyfriend. friends ive had left me when they got partners. everyone ive met are gonna be parents soon. sometimes it feels like im the only person in the world who's single and will stay single at my death bed. it's not why i'll cbt, i have other reasons. but there's friendships i fucked up that i know i'll carry with me and feel guilty for.

there's places i really want to try and make connections. a nerd shop with people who play magic the gathering or dnd. i want to go there because i know i'll be among other socially anxious neurodivergent people. im just too fucking intimidated to make the first step. im worried they'll hate me. im holding out hope that at some point i'll have nothing left to lose, and i'll just go to get free snacks. there was no way in hell i'd try my luck at a bar.

this thread doesn't feel like the appropriate space to give advice, and i dont really even know if any of this will get better. i feel sad when i hear how much you're hurting. i dunno if this helped you feel less alone or not. take care.

 

[MyMomWasMyLife]

She was my smarttest prettiest funniest & talented best friend and the only girl that will ever love me.
All the advice I get is horrible
"Go to a book/coffee shop"
IVE BEEN GOING TO TWO BOOKSTORES SINCE BEFORE PUBERY IVE NEVER ONCE HAD A CONVERSATION START THERE EVER
All meet-up groups are lonely old men, half seeming to be almost homeless and there for the free food.
women my age are all on meatgrinder dating apps that reduce you to a photo and bio

I'm not turning 28 a kissless virgin because if I still don't have a girlfriend I'm CTB in August before my birthday

Have you tried bars/clubs? As long as you're not too picky, you can find someone. And you don't have to drink alcohol if you don't want to. You can drink sodas and fruit juices if you're not into alcohol.