Venting Anxious, irritable, angry, frustrated

[Rue89]

I feel so anxious, irritable, angry, and frustrated! I've been feeling this way on and off, mostly on, since yesterday. I know it's stemming from my anxiety. When I'm really anxious I'm much more prone to get irritated and angry, and all those emotions just feed off each other.

Yesterday it started with my brother. I heard him bitching to our mom because I coughed a few times. No, I don't fucking have covid, sorry I cough after I eat because I get excess saliva in my throat, but yeah I'd love an excuse to stay alone in my room.
My anxiety was already high and I think the anger and frustration made it worse. I just went into my room to be alone l. Then my mom barged into my room and yelled at me about how I didn't hear everything he said and I was purposely taking his words out of context.
About that point I started to cry because my emotions were too much, which I hate myself for, and my mom told me that I didn't have the right to cry about it. Wtf? I told her multiple times to go away and leave me alone, and she told me not to speak to her that way, and went right on bitching about how I was overreacting.

Then today every little thing I did was wrong, both in my eyes and my mom's. I don't want to go into what exactly happened. It's even more stupid and embarrassing than yesterday. Yes I'm aware that I'm probably totally overreacting.

I took my backpack with my SN and stuff out of it's hidden spot in my room, and without taking anything out, just held it, wishing so badly that I could drink my SN right then. To anybody who doesn't know my story, no this isn't impulsive thinking. I've been thinking about and planning for a long time. I hate my stupid life and my stupid overreacting, irrational emotions.

 

[KleinerWolf]

I feel your pain rue and I'm sorry u are feeling this way.

 

[Jumper Geo]

When your arguments are brewing don't you have a place outside the home you can go to for a few hours to chill out or do a nature walk bring a few luxury items to make it enjoyable at leat your away and things might chill out by the time you return.

Best of luck

Cheers

Geo

 

[Rue89]

When your arguments are brewing don't you have a place outside the home you can go to for a few hours to chill out or do a nature walk bring a few luxury items to make it enjoyable at leat your away and things might chill out by the time you return.

Best of luck

Cheers

Geo

There is a trail I could walk, but I was feeling too anxious to leave the house, and it was raining and snowing all day today. Maybe I'll try it next time.

 

[yive]

i'm also very angry, frustrated, sad and anxious, and i understand that i have not long to live. i hate all people and absolutely hate life. it's my permanent state, so i understand you

 

[Ghost2211]

That sounds really stressful. Nobody should ever tell you you don't have a right to cry. I'm sorry to hear the communication between you and your mom is so poor still. I know we've talked about possible ways to get through to her in the past, and you said she wouldn't be receptive. It's saddening as a parent to how things like this go. I wish there was more I could do to help.