Venting am i a joke bc i joke about my depression?

[emptywings]

i told my psych everything. everything except my ctb plan. i think she took it too lightly because she tried to motivate me to keep going by having me imagine what my future could look like if i stayed alive. honestly, trying to picture myself in the future was really discouraging, and i ended up crying right there. i feel like she didn't understand that i genuinely don't want to be alive anymore. i think she just saw it as me going through a depressive episode.

i tried telling my partner what's been going on and what my psych told me, but i basically told he like it was nothing. i was laughing about how i quit my meds cold turkey and was dealing with the aftermath. i was laughing even more when i told he i have to start seeing my psychiatrist again too.

they didn't really take it badly or take it that seriously. they didn't ask me anything. it was just a normal conversation. i didn't even tell them half of what's actually been going on, or that i've been having suicidal thoughts or that i have a plan. nothing.


do you think this was some kind of defense mechanism? because i feel like such an idiot. i don't understand why i can joke about all of this when i'm talking about it, but then i'm alone in my room and it feels like i'm living through hell.

 

[pepperfarmer]

When Saint Lawrence, patron saint of comedians, was sentenced to death by being burned alive on a rotisserie, he quipped "Turn me over. I'm done on this side." to his executioners as he was being burned.

Gallows humor is a very common coping mechanism, there's nothing wrong with it. I think your psych dropped the ball on this one.

 

[sadbh—itstimetogo🤎]

I cannot keep a straight face when talking about very serious things like suicide. It's a huge defense mechanism and really fucks with mental health staff because they're not sure how to assess me. It's pretty bad. I'm really like yeah I tried to kill myself five times this year lololol, how crazy right? Omg one time I got put on a 2:1 too because a 1:1 wasn't enough, HAHAHAHA. yeah I don't wanna be here

This is probably 50% of the reason why I make more jokes than what's really kind to around these parts.

 

[SASU-KE]

It's alright. I like dark humour as well.
As Ricky Gervais said,There are things in the world that can only be coped with by using humor.

For example, murder suicide is one of my favorite things I joke about at tea parties.

I don't get invited again, but that's just the way I like it.

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

I always jokingly referred to m depression back when I still had people around me who I could gaslight myself into believing they might actually give a fuck. They rarely actually did, so eventually I stopped making it a subject of any conversation. I didn't really talk about suicide back then because it wasn't a thing on my mind often as I still had hope for my life to turn around and be better and actually become enjoyable again.

I think it's somewhat natural to joke about the darkest things that burden us because it's a way to somewhat cope with them when in reality we're just to overwhelmed to actually deal with them or simply don't know how to deal with things that are that existential in nature.

From a therapist it shouldn't happen tho as it directly erodes trust in there patient client relationship and thus doesn't contribute towards a fruitful and productive interaction, as the patient is likely to open up less in the future which is the prerequisite for any successful therapy.

 

[MatiSendiri]

Joking is a coping mechanism to everyone. In my opinion, it's the best method someone copes with their struggles.

That being said, the boundaries between someone's tolerability to jokes are different so miscommunication can happens to either sides of conversation. No jokes at all and you might feel stressed all the time. Too much jokes and you felt like you're failed.

My best suggestion is to communicate better with your psych and partner about this one. Just as simple as "I'm not comfortable with your jokes" is good enough to set boundaries.
I believe your psych and your partner did not mean ill will to make a joke out of your situation. Tell them that you need to be taken seriously and hopefully they can take it well.

That's all, cheers mate!