Story All my eggs are in one basket

[EvilStepSister]

I want to go now. But there's the slightest shred of h*pe that, if I can get my meds, I could be somewhat human and try to help myself.

I'm in a foreign country. I had a friend pick up the prescription. He was going to mail it to someone in a neighbouring country (it would have got to them in two days) and that person would bring it to me in person. The stuff works almost overnight so I would know by now if the meds would work or not. But the friend didn't mail it right away. He waited until after the person was already back here in this country. Now the tracking on the package says up to 15 business days.

So I went online and found some that I could get, Black Market without a prescription. It will also take up to 15 business days.

This country doesn't allow personal prescriptions in without a lot of official documentation. I don't see either of these making it past Customs. I can't go to a doctor here because they'd demand tests and other meds that I already know won't work. It took me 30 years to find the right meds. I don't know why I didn't bring some with me when I moved here.

Part of me wants to just get to the point where I learn the packages can't get in so I can just do it.

Hope is as much of a killer as the PTSD is. One of the two will be the end of me.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

I have so much metacognition about hope at this point. I know it's just the voice of fear.

I will stamp the last embers of hope out for good. I am going to die at some point anyway and will be forgotten, so why continue this if it isn't amazing? For real.

 

[FuneralCry]

Hope can certainly be painful as it can often lead to more suffering. I am personally glad that I have no hope. I'm sorry you are in this situation. It sounds really stressful. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[AnestheticVoid]

What medicine would work that fast if you don't mind me asking?

 

[EvilStepSister]

What medicine would work that fast if you don't mind me asking?

Asenapine/Saphris.

It's off-label use for PTSD but, for me, it worked almost instantly with no side effects. You take it under the tongue (which in itself is traumatic ) but I eventually only took it when I needed it.

That's just me. Who knows if it will work like that for anyone else, or even for me again, but I've been on every SSRI out there and other meds and this one worked.