Venting All I want to do is one great thing before I die. One thing. One single fucking thing. Why is it so hard?

[fleetingnight]

One book. One single song. Publish anything, anything at all.

Why is it so hard for me to do one thing?

I can't focus for more than an hour or anything. My dumb ass has literally written more on this website in one month than anything else the entire year. I have no self discipline or energy and just can't make myself do it. I don't want to live, I don't need a lot, just one book would be really nice. But I can't even write a short story. I feel like I need to get it done before I die, just anything at all, but I feel like it's impossible. I'm stuck here forever or I die a useless waste.

The only thought that can keep me going is the one that I deserve to live through the pain that being alive is

 

[LifeIsBS]

Hey imo nobody is useless, it's either nobody or everybody, since all gonna amount to the same nothing in the end.

Anyways, what do you want to write/sing about, any ideas?

 

[fleetingnight]

Hey imo nobody is useless, it's either nobody or everybody, since all gonna amount to the same nothing in the end.

Anyways, what do you want to write/sing about, any ideas?

I guess I see where you're coming from. Thank you. I sort of want to be remembered for something, even though that's a little bit selfish.

I have a lot of plans and a couple early drafts, I just can't get past the draft phase. I lose motivation unbelievably quickly, and/or I can't get myself to focus more than maybe an hour at a time. I feel like I've tried everything, I just don't have the self control and dedication I need

 

[LifeIsBS]

I guess I see where you're coming from. Thank you. I sort of want to be remembered for something, even though that's a little bit selfish.

I have a lot of plans and a couple early drafts, I just can't get past the draft phase. I lose motivation unbelievably quickly, and/or I can't get myself to focus more than maybe an hour at a time. I feel like I've tried everything, I just don't have the self control and dedication I need

hey, if this is selfish, then stuff like these are the only thing i want people to be selfish about.

I want to help in any way i can, believe it or not i was in the same situation with my hobby few years ago about making my "dream" game (2d), i had many prototypes planned and short stories ready to be used but just couldn't get the motivation and energy to stick to it, and my time was gone, just like that.

i think best way is to work on it little at a time. pick one thing and work on it even if it's just for an hour at a time, the hard part is always the start. but if you love your creation then you will definitely find motivation rest of the way :)

And hey, not to discourage you, but for me, if i don't find motivation, satisfaction throughout the process of me working on it, then i just accept that it's just not for me. you just can't never love what you really want.

 

[onceinthefuturewas]

I get how you feel. When you can't accomplish anything, you feel like a failure, and start feeling like there wasn't a point in being born. I'm not encouraging the feeling, I'm just thinking we relate to eachother a bit.

 

[F@#$]

If my revenge plans play out like I've planned I might make a great news story.

 

[lost_ange1]

i think it is not a you problem, even authors or musicians struggle working on their pieces sometimes. It feels like you are putting too much pressure on yourself.
Try to take it easy. And if you can only concentrate for one hour well then use this one hour you have to work on something. And after that take a break.

Maybe plan it more? I do not know how much you have worked on it but have you for example brainstormed about the topic of your book or song? Maybe use your emotions you have? Write about the pain you feel, the emotions and whatever else that keeps your mind busy. Or write down your story, the story of your life. It really depends on what you want to do.

 

[ecliptic]

Same why do things have to be so hard I'm dealing with many mental illnesses that are preventing me from living the life I want. If I knew that nothing would change years ago I would have left sooner.

 

[fleetingnight]

hey, if this is selfish, then stuff like these are the only thing i want people to be selfish about.

I want to help in any way i can, believe it or not i was in the same situation with my hobby few years ago about making my "dream" game (2d), i had many prototypes planned and short stories ready to be used but just couldn't get the motivation and energy to stick to it, and my time was gone, just like that.

i think best way is to work on it little at a time. pick one thing and work on it even if it's just for an hour at a time, the hard part is always the start. but if you love your creation then you will definitely find motivation rest of the way :)

And hey, not to discourage you, but for me, if i don't find motivation, satisfaction throughout the process of me working on it, then i just accept that it's just not for me. you just can't never love what you really want.

Thank you, I appreciate the advice<3 I don't know why, but I can't get started most of the time. Sitting down and beginning to write is hard for me. I think I need more motivation. I don't rlly know how to get it, but maybe I just need a better way to see my progress, so it feels like my work amoiunts to something.

Same why do things have to be so hard I'm dealing with many mental illnesses that are preventing me from living the life I want. If I knew that nothing would change years ago I would have left sooner.

It's so depressing. I try to keep myself inspired by thinking about artists I love who struggle with health/mental health conditions, but sometimes, I just end up feeling jealous or worse in comparison to them.

If my revenge plans play out like I've planned I might make a great news story.

I'm slightly worried but mostly interested in what you mean by this, good luck

i think it is not a you problem, even authors or musicians struggle working on their pieces sometimes. It feels like you are putting too much pressure on yourself.
Try to take it easy. And if you can only concentrate for one hour well then use this one hour you have to work on something. And after that take a break.

Maybe plan it more? I do not know how much you have worked on it but have you for example brainstormed about the topic of your book or song? Maybe use your emotions you have? Write about the pain you feel, the emotions and whatever else that keeps your mind busy. Or write down your story, the story of your life. It really depends on what you want to do.

Thank you for the tips<3 One hour a day would be nice, tbh, but I can't make myself do it every day. Maybe I should try to work less but in more of a routine, like maybe 10 minutes a day is still better than one hour a week.

I do like putting parts of my life into my writing, even if not directly, it helps

 

[youshallrideeternal]

You mentioned you've written a lot of posts on here?; maybe this can be a good starting point? Take all the posts you have written, copy and paste them into a Word file, and either make THAT your creative project, or use it as a springboard for something? It can be taking your pain that you feel, the words you have already expressed, and using that as a means to write the story or song you wish? Maybe a phrase or a sentence or two will help you get started?
Just an idea. :)

 

[Artemisia]

I used to be like that when I was young, leave some sort of mark on this world. Then life went by and, like most people, got stuck in everyday life and realized that was enough. A nice word or gesture to cheer up a loved one, a simple drawn birthday card, a nice home cooked meal... those little things made life better for my friends. Sure it wasn't anything big, but in the end that's sort of what matters. @yourshallrideeternal has a great suggestion, maybe compile what you've written and what you've learned here and make a book about it? Even if you have to self publish (online I think is better than actual paper), maybe it can be a way to arise awareness for our struggles and why so many want to ctb? Just please, don't make it harder for us.

 

[fleetingnight]

You mentioned you've written a lot of posts on here?; maybe this can be a good starting point? Take all the posts you have written, copy and paste them into a Word file, and either make THAT your creative project, or use it as a springboard for something? It can be taking your pain that you feel, the words you have already expressed, and using that as a means to write the story or song you wish? Maybe a phrase or a sentence or two will help you get started?
Just an idea. :)

Sorry for replying so late, I must've missed the notification for this, cause I didn't see it til now. That's a pretty good idea, I'll give it a try. If it's similar enough that people could find this account from it, I could post it here. I wanna post some things here anyways. Thank you for the suggestion<3

I used to be like that when I was young, leave some sort of mark on this world. Then life went by and, like most people, got stuck in everyday life and realized that was enough. A nice word or gesture to cheer up a loved one, a simple drawn birthday card, a nice home cooked meal... those little things made life better for my friends. Sure it wasn't anything big, but in the end that's sort of what matters. @yourshallrideeternal has a great suggestion, maybe compile what you've written and what you've learned here and make a book about it? Even if you have to self publish (online I think is better than actual paper), maybe it can be a way to arise awareness for our struggles and why so many want to ctb? Just please, don't make it harder for us.

I hope I'll be able to accept that one day. I know I have kind of shitty priorities, but I hope I can be satisfied with more realistic goals some day.

Now that you mention it, I have been wanting to write more about perspectives that I've read on this site...A place like this has a lot of different POVs to learn from. And I want people to learn to have more empathy for people like us. Of course, it would only be mild inspiration for themes and stuff in my writing. I wouldn't dream of copying someone's words, naming them, telling someone else's story, anything like that

 

[Artemisia]

Sorry for replying so late, I must've missed the notification for this, cause I didn't see it til now. That's a pretty good idea, I'll give it a try. If it's similar enough that people could find this account from it, I could post it here. I wanna post some things here anyways. Thank you for the suggestion<3

I hope I'll be able to accept that one day. I know I have kind of shitty priorities, but I hope I can be satisfied with more realistic goals some day.

Now that you mention it, I have been wanting to write more about perspectives that I've read on this site...A place like this has a lot of different POVs to learn from. And I want people to learn to have more empathy for people like us. Of course, it would only be mild inspiration for themes and stuff in my writing. I wouldn't dream of copying someone's words, naming them, telling someone else's story, anything like that

(Un)fortunately, it almost inevitably happens somewhere in the 40s! Hang on until then and you'll see if it doesn't!

Actually, if you asked for permission, some might be ok with it. It's not like we're exposing our real names anyway. And honestly, I'd have to read it first, but might even consider letting someone who does a good job sharing our perspectives use my real name and nationality. It's the only way to raise awareness. The overall tone of your article or book could be more focused on the human side or more of a statistical analysis, it depends on what you're more comfortable with. Both wouldn't be bad either! If you're or went through college, it might even turn it into a thesis or scientific paper and have it open some doors (and inevitably close others, that's for sure!).

 

[fleetingnight]

(Un)fortunately, it almost inevitably happens somewhere in the 40s! Hang on until then and you'll see if it doesn't!

Actually, if you asked for permission, some might be ok with it. It's not like we're exposing our real names anyway. And honestly, I'd have to read it first, but might even consider letting someone who does a good job sharing our perspectives use my real name and nationality. It's the only way to raise awareness. The overall tone of your article or book could be more focused on the human side or more of a statistical analysis, it depends on what you're more comfortable with. Both wouldn't be bad either! If you're or went through college, it might even turn it into a thesis or scientific paper and have it open some doors (and inevitably close others, that's for sure!).

I mostly write fiction, but I have considered writing a paper of some kind about suicide. I'm not sure I can, but if I ever write something nonfiction like that, I'll probably ask to interview and quote people here

 

[Artemisia]

I mostly write fiction, but I have considered writing a paper of some kind about suicide. I'm not sure I can, but if I ever write something nonfiction like that, I'll ask to interview and quote people here for sure

Fiction is great too! I almost certainly won't be around by then, but sure would like to read it!