Viafactorum
Tedious
- Jun 9, 2022
- 80
It has been some time since my somniphobia manifested. At first it was something I dismissed as the stress of life creeping up on. You know the average adulting situation. Although the condition worsened to the point where I am paralyzed with fear every time I feel drowsy. My main fear is waking up, because from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep I am being hounded by very vivid memories of my past failures in an encore accompanies by passive thoughts of future failures.
The fear is so profound that my mind is starting to shut off memories associated with drowsiness or maybe it is my lack of sleep messing with my time perception. Either way I do not remember going to bed for a few days now. I feel tired all the time and abnormally alert. You could say that in a sense I am not afraid of sleeping but more or less afraid of waking up. I'm contemplating on seeing a neurologist, but I am fairly certain he'll push me off to see a shrink(which is the end). I am preparations for ctb are complete. I am contemplating leaving in a month because I have a few more promises to keep. But I don't know if I'll survive that long. Worst case scenario is getting dumped into a sanatorium, that will be my end.
The fear is so profound that my mind is starting to shut off memories associated with drowsiness or maybe it is my lack of sleep messing with my time perception. Either way I do not remember going to bed for a few days now. I feel tired all the time and abnormally alert. You could say that in a sense I am not afraid of sleeping but more or less afraid of waking up. I'm contemplating on seeing a neurologist, but I am fairly certain he'll push me off to see a shrink(which is the end). I am preparations for ctb are complete. I am contemplating leaving in a month because I have a few more promises to keep. But I don't know if I'll survive that long. Worst case scenario is getting dumped into a sanatorium, that will be my end.
