A sign to not bother with recovery???

[Life_and_Death]

joined an addiction recovery group (as some of you may already know), someone else mentioned the god thing and i saw the perfect chance to go "wtf" without it being on my post, and that went well. picking myself up today i decided to finally make my own post.

im maybe 1/3 through one of those long "this is me" intro type posts... GONE. "sorry, there seems to be a technical difficulty"



another "sign", from an f'en POP BOTTLE! the last time i was deep in my attempt (starving, im already over halfway there) i got one of those pops with the saying underneath the cap (jones) "if youre looking for a sign maybe this is it...or not"
people really dont think about others. how the hell did such a thing seem appropriate!? wouldnt it have been hilarious if i just took my rope that night and said "the pop bottle told me to"

tell me the universe isnt literally telling me to kill myself?

im doing everything i can to not die. i dont want to despite the human race pushing me so far i actually want to die, but for my bf and my bf alone i dont want to...
and yet, every time i try to pick myself up... oh.. go f yourself

 

[nopointinlivingg]

I wouldn't put too much stock in any of that. The metaphysical is complete bullshit, the universe consists only of random unfeeling chaos so it can't actually care if you kill yourself or not. The callousness of the human race, however, is very real and oftentimes deliberate.

I'm glad you've been able to hang on since you don't feel you actually want to die. Wish I could relate. I'm waiting for my mother to die first and navigating impulses to CTB in the moment until then.

 

[Celerity]

Idk. I feel like I have had so many "signs" pointing both directions. I stopped taking stock in them long ago. Unfortunately, I feel like it's a way for us to give up control. It's so much better to think that something or someone somewhere has made the decision for us. I definitely get it. I really do.