rotthjärta
Member
- Apr 24, 2026
- 40
Mentally very tired of these people. I mean she tells me she has good news and bad news. I warn her so many times, instead she argues how things will go her way, they rarely ever did. So she tells me today that she feels shame that she put her kids in that situation. I don't think she does. She lets relationships consume her, every single relationship she has had was always about them. Every single relationship she has had were abusive in a lot of ways. Every single time her relationships end she rants to me about how embarrassed she was to be with them. She doesn't grow up. She shouldn't be a parent. So much has happened in the last year and today again. I just want to find peace, somewhere nice to just lay down, not here not around any of them. I don't love or care for her and i never have.
Its mentally draining being here, around these people. Even in the past it was always so mentally draining. I feel so angry but its so far away. It's as if i feel it build up. It's always been there, i've always had issues with rage. I haven't even yelled or really voiced my opinions to her as i used to, i dont attribute it to "growing up" but just the pattern that even in doing that nothing will change, its not even enjoyable anymore. If someone where to hurt me i dont even think at this very moment i would fight. At once i want to burn down this house, at once i get such thoughts i dont even think i could express on here.
Genuinely just want to kill myself, in some way hurt my physical being. I don't even know why. Im not a self loathing person, i rarely feel guilt i rarely regret, i don't now and yet with this feeling its really all i want to do. I do not understand how unaware and stupid people can be, to put everyone around them in positions of some form of harm. The way they express shame or guilt is when they have finally lost. When they have finally given up, unwillingly, have to face the losses they have made. They have no empathy, they only care about themselves, they are shallow selfish people who are a threat to others as they are to themselves.
I know im angry but i cannot even really process it. So i'll drink salud.
Its mentally draining being here, around these people. Even in the past it was always so mentally draining. I feel so angry but its so far away. It's as if i feel it build up. It's always been there, i've always had issues with rage. I haven't even yelled or really voiced my opinions to her as i used to, i dont attribute it to "growing up" but just the pattern that even in doing that nothing will change, its not even enjoyable anymore. If someone where to hurt me i dont even think at this very moment i would fight. At once i want to burn down this house, at once i get such thoughts i dont even think i could express on here.
Genuinely just want to kill myself, in some way hurt my physical being. I don't even know why. Im not a self loathing person, i rarely feel guilt i rarely regret, i don't now and yet with this feeling its really all i want to do. I do not understand how unaware and stupid people can be, to put everyone around them in positions of some form of harm. The way they express shame or guilt is when they have finally lost. When they have finally given up, unwillingly, have to face the losses they have made. They have no empathy, they only care about themselves, they are shallow selfish people who are a threat to others as they are to themselves.
I know im angry but i cannot even really process it. So i'll drink salud.
