irregularreconcile
i'm such a coward; these wretched things i do
- Jun 15, 2023
- 65
Had my first therapy session in a while today- Feels like ages, but it was about a month out. With my new situation I find my defenses have blaringly came up with actually having a safe space. PTSD is a horrible, horrible disease, and I'm facing the consequences of actions not of my behalf, and having to do the work for it, just like everyone else.
It makes me so, so angry. I'm not "allowed" to have that emotion, despite 5 years of constant work, but here we are.
In the new state I'm in, I'll be applying for medicaid, however, and getting hooked up with continuing my treatment: EMDR, ECT, etc... and that gives me a little hope. Maybe I can get better. In the meantime, me and my therapist are simply just keeping therapy on the down low until my insurance goes out of my past state on the 30th.
He talked to me about MDMA therapy today... He says it's close to becoming legal, and would probably be a fantastic opportunity for me. I think it would be cool, but idk tbh.
Feeling some relief knowing I'm not so much in the dark about my medicaid today, I think I'll actually try to do something fun. Failed at that the last few times, but I'm going to try and do some art today and play on my new Minecraft world; (The seed I got spawned in is so cool... Can't CTB yet if I have a cool world to work on and too many art supplies, right? Lol.)
I still feel quite hopeless each and every day. I still don't really know if I still can recover, but I'm trying. Trying is worth noting when I have just been surviving up until this point... I may be able to feel comfortable enough to say I'm out of homelessness. Maybe.
But yeah. Also including some of my art from this week, haha. Thought I'd share. If you want my handle (initialed in the art,) pm me.
Side note: I age regress sometimes, but I've been looking into the Puppy Play community and find it really appealing on my recovery journey... Anybody else have personal insight on this? Just curious.
It makes me so, so angry. I'm not "allowed" to have that emotion, despite 5 years of constant work, but here we are.
In the new state I'm in, I'll be applying for medicaid, however, and getting hooked up with continuing my treatment: EMDR, ECT, etc... and that gives me a little hope. Maybe I can get better. In the meantime, me and my therapist are simply just keeping therapy on the down low until my insurance goes out of my past state on the 30th.
He talked to me about MDMA therapy today... He says it's close to becoming legal, and would probably be a fantastic opportunity for me. I think it would be cool, but idk tbh.
Feeling some relief knowing I'm not so much in the dark about my medicaid today, I think I'll actually try to do something fun. Failed at that the last few times, but I'm going to try and do some art today and play on my new Minecraft world; (The seed I got spawned in is so cool... Can't CTB yet if I have a cool world to work on and too many art supplies, right? Lol.)
I still feel quite hopeless each and every day. I still don't really know if I still can recover, but I'm trying. Trying is worth noting when I have just been surviving up until this point... I may be able to feel comfortable enough to say I'm out of homelessness. Maybe.
But yeah. Also including some of my art from this week, haha. Thought I'd share. If you want my handle (initialed in the art,) pm me.
Side note: I age regress sometimes, but I've been looking into the Puppy Play community and find it really appealing on my recovery journey... Anybody else have personal insight on this? Just curious.
