57f GenX'r. ProChoice. Ask me anything. Maybe I can help a younger person struggling.

[dust-in-the-wind]

I went on HRT and my severe depression has lifted over the last month and I am now only moderately depressed. But at least I can function somewhat and get out of bed and dont think about CBT every minute of the day. I have a lot of years and wisdom before me. Ive suffered on and off with mental illness all my adult life. Parents were physically and emotionally abusive. Lived with a perverted step-dad in my teens. Left home at 18 and on my own ever since. Been married, been divorced. No kids by choice. Have had lots of pets. I know what its like to live without internet and social media as an adult or even have a cell phone. Ive lived with 3 TV channels half my life. Ive been hospitalized 4x, been on over 25+ meds, had ECT and IV ketamine. Somehow I managed to get good paying jobs throughout life without much college. I own my own home and car outright and have a great savings for retirement, so I no longer work due to my depression. This is not to brag, this is to instill hope in a younger person who feels hopeless about their future. Money definitely does not buy happiness. I'd rather be dead broke than depressed. My brain is still really fucked up and I'd rather be dead because at my age the future is all downhill with health issues and old age looming. But while I'm still here maybe I can be of some value to someone. You can DM if you dont feel comfortable posting a question.

 

[SweetChariot]

How's your work history like if that's not too personal, don't have to be that detailed
Curious as a guy struggling to even know where to start with a career

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

How's your work history like if that's not too personal, don't have to be that detailed
Curious as a guy struggling to even know where to start with a career

Before and actual career. I waited tables which because of tips I was able to live on my own at a young age. I made much much more than any low paying regular job could offer. I only got a 2 year degree in computer science in 1998. So didnt have a 'career' until 29. The pay was OK for back then for entry level, but once I got the experience after 2 years I was able to get a job with double the pay. I had that job for 15 years, with significant raises and bonuses. It was a worldwide known corporation so I eventually got laid off when they outsourced IT jobs to India. I got 6 month severance and decided to start my own weightloss business, which ended up doing well because people are always trying to lose weight. I dont know how old you are or if you have gone to college or planning to? But I can tell you college is so over rated and will put you into immense debt if someone isn't paying it for you. If I was young today, learning a trade is where its at.
Electrician, Plumber, Construction, Landscaping. You don't even have to go to a trade school. You can ask to apprentice with someone and eventually have your own business if you desire. I know a couple of young men that have built landscaping business from nothing and now have employees doing all the manual labor.
Does this interest you or help at all?
If you wanted college, medical care is in dire straits. Even a 2 year nursing degree could get you a could paying job.

 

[SweetChariot]

Before and actual career. I waited tables which because of tips I was able to live on my own at a young age. I made much much more than any low paying regular job could offer. I only got a 2 year degree in computer science in 1998. So didnt have a 'career' until 29. The pay was OK for back then for entry level, but once I got the experience after 2 years I was able to get a job with double the pay. I had that job for 15 years, with significant raises and bonuses. It was a worldwide known corporation so I eventually got laid off when they outsourced IT jobs to India. I got 6 month severance and decided to start my own weightloss business, which ended up doing well because people are always trying to lose weight. I dont know how old you are or if you have gone to college or planning to? But I can tell you college is so over rated and will put you into immense debt if someone isn't paying it for you. If I was young today, learning a trade is where its at.
Electrician, Plumber, Construction, Landscaping. You don't even have to go to a trade school. You can ask to apprentice with someone and eventually have your own business if you desire. I know a couple of young men that have built landscaping business from nothing and now have employees doing all the manual labor.
Does this interest you or help at all?
If you wanted college, medical care is in dire straits. Even a 2 year nursing degree could get you a could paying job.

Thank you for the story, that's really inspiring
As for me i'm in a really weird spot because i do have a comp sci degree but that was 5 years ago and i barely remember anything about it, and nobody really want to hire a 5 gap years "fresh graduate", right now i'm trying to take courses on data analysis stuff to get at least some kind of certificate just to have some office job

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

Thank you for the story, that's really inspiring
As for me i'm in a really weird spot because i do have a comp sci degree but that was 5 years ago and i barely remember anything about it, and nobody really want to hire a 5 gap years "fresh graduate", right now i'm trying to take courses on data analysis stuff to get at least some kind of certificate just to have some office job

I think that's a good plan. I'm not sure what the hottest thing in IT is anymore but you must know and go with that for certifications. I was a programmer/data analyst. I hear AI can do all this now. I don't know if that is true but maybe something with AI you could learn. It is the future and already here.

 

[unluckysadness]

You're very brave and so kind to offer your help I know what it is to struggle during decades. I think we are true heroes for struggling so long (no pretention here - just facts).

 

[Forveleth]

No question, just great to hear that you are no longer as severely depressed as you were. I have been thinking about you a lot as I knew you have been very miserable for a long time. Thank you for offering to share your experience with everyone here too.

 

[groovygoober]

How did you power through ? I'm a recent compsci graduate well my graduation is in like October but my final sem is over and I just haven't been able to bring myself to do stuff for 6 years on and off now , it was really bad in 2020-2022 due to covid which meant I fucked up my most important school years and got into a okayish uni but couldn't really apply myself properly outside of academics and then I just haven't been studying for like 2.5 years now and its been just really shit , been extremely suicidal for over an year now and now I have anxiety about interviews and skill gap and because I'm in a third world country part time jobs don't really exist .
Parents are nice but they are just not aware of these things so I can't really talk to them about it and because I was bright pre covid they have high expectations , I just feel crippled and am at my worst in all aspects .

 

[iwanttodie019]

My mother is your age

The questions if you don't mind answering

1)What is depression that you suffer from ?Is it neurological or is it due to external life circumstances.If it is neurological how doe you go from being severely depressed to being moderately depressed and then recovering?is it medication?
Were you born with depression or is it something you developed?

2)Where are you from?

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

No question, just great to hear that you are no longer as severely depressed as you were. I have been thinking about you a lot as I knew you have been very miserable for a long time. Thank you for offering to share your experience with everyone here too.

Thank You for thinking of me

You're very brave and so kind to offer your help I know what it is to struggle during decades. I think we are true heroes for struggling so long (no pretention here - just facts).

I think you are right. We are stronger than we realize because major depression I believe is one of the worst illnesses on the planet. It's a soul sucking, life destroyer. I know people who have had terminal cancer, ALS and other horrible physical diseases but they remained happy and grateful until horrible end. I would take physical pain over mental pain any day. People who not experienced it in its most severe form have no idea how hard it is to stay alive.
F

How did you power through ? I'm a recent compsci graduate well my graduation is in like October but my final sem is over and I just haven't been able to bring myself to do stuff for 6 years on and off now , it was really bad in 2020-2022 due to covid which meant I fucked up my most important school years and got into a okayish uni but couldn't really apply myself properly outside of academics and then I just haven't been studying for like 2.5 years now and its been just really shit , been extremely suicidal for over an year now and now I have anxiety about interviews and skill gap and because I'm in a third world country part time jobs don't really exist .
Parents are nice but they are just not aware of these things so I can't really talk to them about it and because I was bright pre covid they have high expectations , I just feel crippled and am at my worst in all aspects .

First, I just want to ask how is there a 'skill gap' when your graduation is not until October? You usually don't get your career job until after you graduate. I have more to say but need to make sure I am understanding correctly.

My mother is your age

The questions if you don't mind answering

1)What is depression that you suffer from ?Is it neurological or is it due to external life circumstances.If it is neurological how doe you go from being severely depressed to being moderately depressed and then recovering?is it medication?
Were you born with depression or is it something you developed?

2)Where are you from?

Well at least you didnt tell me your grandmother was my age .

1) I always had anxiety as a child and worried about family getting sick & dying or nuclear war blowing up the planet. USA and Russia were in great conflict in the 80's.
First time I suffered a major depressive episode I was 18. It came on a couple of months after smoking pot and having a wicked panic attack. I wanted to kill myself because the depression was so severe I could not function and cried all day for NO reason. Doctors couldn't find anything physically wrong with me, so I was psych hospitalized and put on meds that eventually helped. I stopped taking them at some point and felt OK until my BF broke up with me at 21 and severe depression hit again, but this time I had a reason. I went on meds again, powered through somehow and got over it. Stopped meds again and was really good between ages 25-32. Was married at 30 and started worrying about health, death and questioning the meaning of existence. I went into another moderate depression but still able to work but wanted to die. Suffered for about 5 years. Didn't want to do meds again but caved and did. Meds saved me again and I felt great from 37-46. At 46 meds are not working anymore. I am consumed with health anxiety and depression for NO valid reason. At 47 added a couple more meds on top of existing med and felt better until 54. At 54 nothing is working and I end up in the worst and longest depressive episode of my life which is triggered by finding out of a couple of not so good genetics conditions I have inherited from my father. I started HRT being in menopause now and coincidentally feeling better, still depressed, just not as severe. So to answer your question I don't know why or how I got this way. No one in my family is mentally ill. Did smoking pot at 18 permentally fuck my brain? Have I always had something not right with my hormones? I will go to my grave and never have an answer.

2) I live in USA - New England area.