Venting 4 month anniversary on this site

[BlueButterfly111]

Today is my 4 month Anniversary on this site and I am not happy about it, I didn't want to make it this far, I'm miserable. If only my Sn packages would've arrived I should have been dead 2 months ago. I hate my life and I am miserable everyday and just want to die.

As some of you may know I ordered from DMC almost 3 months ago, and it never arrived. Asked him to send me a new one almost a month ago and that one never arrived either. I also ordered from a different source almost a month ago, (sd) and it also hasn't arrived yet! I did email sd 3 days ago asking about why my package hasn't arrived yet, and they said that it will be shipped out by next week. Which I guess is good news and gives me hope for the first time in a while, but why did it take a month for it to be shipped out?!

Anyways, I just hope it arrives soon, because if not I will have to try to drown myself. Please let it be over soon, there's nothing for me here… I'm so sick of waking up everyday! It's getting closer to the 10 month anniversary of my boyfriend's death, and I do not want to make it to the one year anniversary. I want to be able to die with his memory alive and vivid in my imagination, still can't listen to a love song without feeling profound sadness in my heart.

 

[roommate]

I'm sorry for your loss.
I hope you've considered or did some kind of treatment though.
10 months of grief is not even that long and quite frankly, there is a good chance it will get better.

 

[Pale_Rider]

DMC is not a valid source anymore.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

I feel your sadness, and I'm sorry for your pain and experience. This month was my 5th anniversary here, and everything still feels so unreal. I hope things will turn around for you. Sending love your way.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also just want to never wake ever again, I just want to be free from all the suffering as well and I understand finding it torturous to exist but anyway I wish you the best, I hope that you find the freedom you search for.

 

[Batman2nd]

I'm sorry for your loss.
I hope you've considered or did some kind of treatment though.
10 months of grief is not even that long and quite frankly, there is a good chance it will get better.

I disagree. Despite treatment I think the grief and pain gets worse as time goes on.

 

[roommate]

I disagree. Despite treatment I think the grief and pain gets worse as time goes on.

I disagree, it highly depends on the person.

 

[Batman2nd]

I disagree, it highly depends on the person.

True. Sadly, I'm just not that person.

 

[TitianCashew26]

@BlueButterfly111 Sorry for your lose; I can understand the yearning for death.

 

[Imeavie]

I have no advice, or words of comfort to offer, but I do hope you find solace in some form.