Yeahhh my mind is pretty set and Ik the only way I can do this....

[Busridin'26]

Im ready to get N finally/actually start looking into it seriously


Ik theres distribution aspects so even an actual lethal drug cocktail I'm ready to execute and even mix up with something.

It's not like I couldn't live I just don't really want to I dunno... I'm at a "back on meds Monday" where I have. Alot of revelations and self reflect on where I'm at and the things I've come to realization while resting... haaa

I think the concept of life is great hut the actual experience isn't really worth the ride. I wanna cut it short. Maybe I'm just fuckin depressed or something but I've felt like that for a long time and see the other side.

Dark web and such freaks me out but I don't think for me acquiring N is impossible. Its the only method I can deal with. Or like drug cocktail and maybe drowning. SN is way too physical in an interal body way and pain scares me :/


I feel wrong but there's such a relief when I come to realization of not wanting to continue such a relief to remember I dont have to. The only misery with this has been the method piece

But I'm ready to dismantle my fear in that and move along....

To find Freedom in life or death that's all I wanted. Ik I could maybe find some Freedom in life but not really enough maybe I'll change my mind but to just have to option. To stop forcing life. Makes me feel sooo haaaa


I turn 24 in November and would like to end it on my BDAY tbh. November is enough time to save up and such. Not too much time tho where im building too much life shit.

How ima live until then not sure yet. Probs just as if I'm living but its not like I'm doing anything per say long termish...

Sad but freeing... thats where I'm at today.

 

[lostmylove]

I am 24. If I left at 21 I'd of maybe not of caused a chain of events that ended up in my partner dying. I can feel lot of the pain in your sentences.
Life can be good for some people but miserable for others. Drifting on with no purpose is cruel fait.
I also can only go with N.

 

[FuneralCry]

I am also tired of living. I'm sorry for all the suffering that has brought you to this point. I think that for many people it can be comforting just having the option of a way to exit this world at a time of their own choosing. If I had N it would certainly be a relief. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

 

[Maaizr]

sounds alot like me and my perspective even the november bday, im sorry that this is happening to us and that we've had to endure this.

 

[Busridin'26]

Im still feeling this I thought I had changed my mind or smthin or enough resolve to otherwise survive but nah. I finally slept after like the whole week and ate. Other w
stuff happend as well that aregood or whatever. But I'm just done wirh everything. Rushing suicide to May. Or yeah next month is May. I'm giving up.

 

[CemetryGates]

What drug cocktail would you take if you couldn't get N? I would also like to get N but it's a bit difficult atm.