Hopefully, I don't give away too much personal info here.
24M, birthday just passed. Had some independence and a halfway decent life. Came from a background of abuse and trauma. Moving out was good for me. I was working to improve for about 4 years, then AI took my job. Went from making 117k/year through my business to about $3k/month. That will also soon disappear. I got a degree last year, but it's useless thanks to robots.
I don't think my work is coming back. Ordinarily, I would just go out and hustle or work any job I could, but I recently got diagnosed with reactive hypoglycemia (RH). It's left me nearly bedridden, I have to eat every two hours, and I'm not healthy enough to work in a warehouse or do physical labor. I actually just quit a job I'd gotten because I couldn't stay alert long enough to drive for 10+ hours a day. Long story short, my life sucks, and this is probably the worst it's been since I was 17 - 18 because I have no hope left.
I walk around so mad I could kill somebody. I would theoretically be able to do white-collar work if any still existed, but if physical labor is my only way out and I faint when exerting myself, I have to apply for and collect disability as a man who's supposed to be in the prime of my life. Plus, I'm uncomfortable and sleepy all the time, so I have no hobbies and no friends. I don't even like watching TV.
Had to move back home. I hate my parents, I live with my 30+ year old brother who has severe autism, and my mom treats me like I'm 12 again. I don't feel like a man. Plus, it's hard to get to the gym because I'm dying 7 days a week. I am seeing an endocrinologist, and hopefully, they can help me figure it out. Potentially, they think it could be an insulinoma. This also comes with adrenal exhaustion, which makes it impossible to stay awake during the day and impossible to sleep at night. My body feels like it's on fire and my brain never shuts up.
Brain fog is through the roof, any energy that I would spend on trying to improve my life is sucked up by this chronic health condition, and I can't help but feel like I'm falling behind. I am hoping I can get healthy by December and potentially get into the trades, but if not, I really think I'm done. I haven't had the nerve to jump in front of a train or off a bridge, but lately I'm fantasizing about it because I don't see a way out. It's either that or heading to a gun show and blowing my head off in front of a crowd of people.
I feel totally hopeless and wish I could find someone selling Xanax, so I could take it daily and forget my problems. Maybe burn through the $30k I have saved in a shitty hovel somewhere and hope I get the nerve to shoot myself or start doing fentanyl before my money runs out.
If it all fails, I think I'm going to fling myself off a bridge. There's no way I'd survive a 200-foot drop, and hopefully it would be somewhat painless since I'm assuming I'd disintegrate on impact. I tried to KMS when I was 18, doing fetty pills, but somehow magically survived the experience. Then I got addicted to fentanyl. Been clean off it for years, haven't tried since. I have a girlfriend, but I want to break up with her so I can kill myself with drugs and eventually jump off a bridge or in front of a train when I have enough Xanax in my system.
It's not like I can really provide for her or start a life with her anyway, so I feel completely worthless. Even more so with the chronic health issues that never seem to go away. I overcame a parasite and Lyme disease in my adolescent years, and now this RH is making it impossible for me to progress in my day-to-day life. I got rid of my therapist because I got tired of paying a lady to ask me, "How does that make you feel?"
Would you kill yourself in my shoes? Honestly
24M, birthday just passed. Had some independence and a halfway decent life. Came from a background of abuse and trauma. Moving out was good for me. I was working to improve for about 4 years, then AI took my job. Went from making 117k/year through my business to about $3k/month. That will also soon disappear. I got a degree last year, but it's useless thanks to robots.
I don't think my work is coming back. Ordinarily, I would just go out and hustle or work any job I could, but I recently got diagnosed with reactive hypoglycemia (RH). It's left me nearly bedridden, I have to eat every two hours, and I'm not healthy enough to work in a warehouse or do physical labor. I actually just quit a job I'd gotten because I couldn't stay alert long enough to drive for 10+ hours a day. Long story short, my life sucks, and this is probably the worst it's been since I was 17 - 18 because I have no hope left.
I walk around so mad I could kill somebody. I would theoretically be able to do white-collar work if any still existed, but if physical labor is my only way out and I faint when exerting myself, I have to apply for and collect disability as a man who's supposed to be in the prime of my life. Plus, I'm uncomfortable and sleepy all the time, so I have no hobbies and no friends. I don't even like watching TV.
Had to move back home. I hate my parents, I live with my 30+ year old brother who has severe autism, and my mom treats me like I'm 12 again. I don't feel like a man. Plus, it's hard to get to the gym because I'm dying 7 days a week. I am seeing an endocrinologist, and hopefully, they can help me figure it out. Potentially, they think it could be an insulinoma. This also comes with adrenal exhaustion, which makes it impossible to stay awake during the day and impossible to sleep at night. My body feels like it's on fire and my brain never shuts up.
Brain fog is through the roof, any energy that I would spend on trying to improve my life is sucked up by this chronic health condition, and I can't help but feel like I'm falling behind. I am hoping I can get healthy by December and potentially get into the trades, but if not, I really think I'm done. I haven't had the nerve to jump in front of a train or off a bridge, but lately I'm fantasizing about it because I don't see a way out. It's either that or heading to a gun show and blowing my head off in front of a crowd of people.
I feel totally hopeless and wish I could find someone selling Xanax, so I could take it daily and forget my problems. Maybe burn through the $30k I have saved in a shitty hovel somewhere and hope I get the nerve to shoot myself or start doing fentanyl before my money runs out.
If it all fails, I think I'm going to fling myself off a bridge. There's no way I'd survive a 200-foot drop, and hopefully it would be somewhat painless since I'm assuming I'd disintegrate on impact. I tried to KMS when I was 18, doing fetty pills, but somehow magically survived the experience. Then I got addicted to fentanyl. Been clean off it for years, haven't tried since. I have a girlfriend, but I want to break up with her so I can kill myself with drugs and eventually jump off a bridge or in front of a train when I have enough Xanax in my system.
It's not like I can really provide for her or start a life with her anyway, so I feel completely worthless. Even more so with the chronic health issues that never seem to go away. I overcame a parasite and Lyme disease in my adolescent years, and now this RH is making it impossible for me to progress in my day-to-day life. I got rid of my therapist because I got tired of paying a lady to ask me, "How does that make you feel?"
Would you kill yourself in my shoes? Honestly
