Would employment change your plans?

[Deleted member 18655]

I'm currently unemployed thanks to COVID but I'm in a field that is high demand and I won't have a problem getting another job. I've started interviewing.

But would a job or some other positive life change make you change your plan to ctb? I don't know what to think as I apply for jobs. It's not going to change how I feel about myself or life but it will keep me busy.

 

[Incorrigible77777]

nope

 

[mathieu]

No. I've just started volunteering last week. They said it could turn into a paid position. I just want to die.

 

[Grey-zone]

I'm currently unemployed thanks to COVID but I'm in a field that is high demand and I won't have a problem getting another job. I've started interviewing.

Oh man... I'm a nearly 30 -year old American male and have the resume of a housewife or ex-con. I feel pretty much fucked in this society, and mixed with insomnia the desire to self-terminate seems very appealing. I can't imagine what it would be like working in a lucrative field, and feeling confident about it.

 

[Morphinekiss]

Possibly. I haven't been able to work since 2017 because of various health issues and it is definitely one of the largest reasons I feel my existence is completely fucking pointless, not to mention unemployment is the main reason I'm trapped and stuck in my current living situation.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

Oh man... I'm a nearly 30 -year old American male and have the resume of a housewife or ex-con. I feel pretty much fucked in this society, and mixed with insomnia the desire to self-terminate seems very appealing. I can't imagine what it would be like working in a lucrative field, and feeling confident about it.

I have a padded resume that only looks impressive. I'm confident in my ability to do my job, to a point. I feel like crap about myself and that usually gets in the way of any success. My last job probably would have lasted if I were stronger emotionally but I let my depression and insecurities get in the way and COVID was a good excuse to fire me.

 

[Superdeterminist]

I don't know. I've always struggled greatly with employment and so it's been a source of much of my despair, so perhaps. But I'm so terrible when it comes to this area of life, it's hard to see anything improving.

 

[Grey-zone]

I have a padded resume that only looks impressive. I'm confident in my ability to do my job, to a point. I feel like crap about myself and that usually gets in the way of any success. My last job probably would have lasted if I were stronger emotionally but I let my depression and insecurities get in the way and COVID was a good excuse to fire me.

If you're in a good field at least there's some choice involved, no? I've been unemployed since COVID also. Hotel worker. A lot of money from unemployment but the past four months of monotony have etched themselves into my brain--I thought not working would help with insomnia but I was wrong. A part-time job would be very distracting, and so positive. I've been looking but not even a hamburger place would hire me.

 

[LostandTired]

It would help in the short term as in making it easier to buy the necessary "tools" sooner. But employment would not address the underlying causes that put me into this position (deciding to finally ctb) to begin with. If anything going to work day in and day out, mindlessly was effective means to just mask over life's cruel realities.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

It would help in the short term as in making it easier to buy the necessary "tools" sooner. But employment would not address the underlying causes that put me into this position (deciding to finally ctb) to begin with. If anything going to work day in and day out, mindlessly was effective means to just mask over life's cruel realities.

Oh, this! "...mask over life's cruel realities." This.

If you're in a good field at least there's some choice involved, no? I've been unemployed since COVID also. Hotel worker. A lot of money from unemployment but the past four months of monotony have etched themselves into my brain--I thought not working would help with insomnia but I was wrong. A part-time job would be very distracting, and so positive. I've been looking but not even a hamburger place would hire me.

I've been on my govt's unemployment for months. Things are only starting to turn around now. There is some choice but I also believe in destiny or fate or karma (I'm not sure what to call it) - I don't deserve a job or purpose. I feel like I'm just going through the motions.

 

[Thatdude]

But would a job or some other positive life change make you change your plan to ctb? I don't know what to think as I apply for jobs. It's not going to change how I feel about myself or life but it will keep me busy.

It honestly depends on things, but I don't think so. Like I have a number of degrees in IT, but I'm honestly not really applying anywhere because I don't want to work yet. I grown up with shit family, I dealt with a life a misery due to my autism, after dealing with massive burnout from getting my degrees I now have to deal with my drug addict sister and her kids which already cuss at age 2, I haven't been in a relationship in 10 years or so and never been in a real romantic relationship, I found my backup plan of going into the military won't work since they have a policy against people with autism, the jobs I do want I don't have access to, I fear I will be fired shortly after since I can't handle stress that well after all I been through.
With that in mind if there was a job where I could make a lot of money without actually having to work 99% of the year, then ya. I've been trying 3D printing, lasers, and other things. But nothing has made a combine livable wage. I'm now trying product development/inventing and licensing out them to companies for a royalty. But I haven't made anything from that too. My family is talking about starting a farm and having me as the manager, but it will take years for that to happen. Maybe something will take off, but as it stands. I think I will die if I have to take a normal job at all.

Like the only reason I see to work is to have a good retirement. Everything I have access to (retail, manufacturing, trash person, etc.) I will blow my brains out if I have to get into that again (I have done all those things prior). Things I have my degree in like IT, aerospace, and I even have experience coding. There is 0 jobs in my local area in that. Getting jobs outside of the area is highly risky and to be honest I don't want to do these things. No one even while getting the degrees said on-call was a normal thing and working 60-80 hour weeks is highly normal. And if it wasn't for the burnout and my sister I would've been OK with doing them until I retired (working for 30 years in it). But I've been flat out miserable throughout my life. What is all of this for? I don't have any kids, and at the rate I'm going I won't. I feel my entire life has been me sacrificing something for others. I didn't really have a childhood because my family was more than less in poverty and we were working our way out. I didn't blow out my brains in the past only because it would've made my family sad, but now pretty much all of them hate me due to my sister lying. And I can name half a dozen of other major events which hurt me, but I did anyways for others. And in return all I get is a miserable life? I mean at least right now I can watch netflix and what not once in a while, and play games. I can try out things to see if it works, and maybe something might work in my favor. But why would I want to be in a high stress job when I can't handle a lot more stress than what I'm dealing with now? Why would I want to clean toilets again for a job? Why would I want to be called worthless and picked on while working the manufacturing line again? How much more do I have to give up to have a happy life?

Maybe there is a door that I don't see is open. But I'm sure you get my point.

 

[Alucard]

I was a philosophy teacher. But students are assholes. So, unemployment and suicide.

 

[andy69]

I'm currently unemployed thanks to COVID but I'm in a field that is high demand and I won't have a problem getting another job. I've started interviewing.

But would a job or some other positive life change make you change your plan to ctb? I don't know what to think as I apply for jobs. It's not going to change how I feel about myself or life but it will keep me busy.

Yes. It would get to think about other stuff. Being unemployed is very stigmatizing.

 

[Spirals]

Yes. Unemployment has almost always been the reason I go back to planning to CTB. If I could fix that right now, things might be better.

 

[Grav]

But employment would not address the underlying causes that put me into this position (deciding to finally ctb) to begin with.

Very true. I'm living the cube IT life and have a "good job" and all that but it's just a life of get up-work-eat-sleep-work even with a family. Couple that with my desire to ctb and all the happy smiley work people and it makes it a slow, grinding existence. The job allows me to self medicate with purchases but once they arrive it's just more crap to see that didn't change anything and the slight high is gone. If I could get to a point where I could walk away and find something better to do with my time it might help.

 

[HappyMstake]

Nah, I had a decent job for 5 years and still thought about it every single day. Having thoughts of ctb is some kind of obsession I don't think I'll ever get over.

 

[NatureHermit921]

Customers can be really hard to deal with as they view you as a second class human. Even if the job was decent I would have to force myself to wake up every single day. None of the two working sides appeal to me personally. Work life is really depressing to me

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Positive changes like a new job or relationship do kinda make me happy and buy me some time. But then the newness wears off and I become miserable again.

I have that "grass is always greener on the other side" thing going on. I don't think anything would bring actual contentment anymore.

 

[WinterFaust]

Honestly, it would help a great deal. It would be a band-aid on top of the gaping wound of my issues but it would still help for a little while. It would give me something to do, routine, and income. Which would help me to become independent again and I would be more comfortable finally pursuing another relationship and establishing friendships.

But, I need to be somewhat stable for that otherwise all of that would crumble in an instant yet again.

 

[Polly]

Of course.

 

[XYZ]

I was a philosophy teacher. But students are assholes. So, unemployment and suicide.

Wow, you're a philosohy teacher. That's so f***ing cool!

(I usually spell out the word "fucking", but I feelI like you'll call me to the principal's office if I do that here he he he)

 

[Soulless Angel]

no, my work is becoming popular but I ain't interested, infact it makes me want to CTB even more!

 

[Kaugummi]

I still have a job but I am going to stop working in about three weeks (wanted to start university but I just want to be dead before I get to that point now).

My job or rather my sense of duty (Yay OCPD brain) , is the only thing that has kept me from ctb a few times. I honestly cannot wait until that responsibility is gone.

 

[TAW122]

The simple answer is no. Even when I was working (pretty much the whole year of 2019), I still felt suicidal. As of now, I'm living at home with parents and even though my needs are currently taken care of, I still feel like dying. If I was going to be on the streets for any reason or cause, then it would certainly be grounds for me to CTB more imminently because fuck having to be chronically homeless and then losing even more control over my fate.

 

[strawberryfield]

it would be a good distraction but i'd still feel the same way

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I am too young for it to really affect me much, but I imagine it would be an added stress and would definitely put a strain on me.

 

[MrBlue]

Not only is it very unlikely I'll be able to find a job, I don't think having one would help me much, other than giving me more structure in my day. Honestly since I graduated my life living with my parents has been a numbing purgatory. If I managed to get a job I would also have to fully confront just how behind and freakish I really am compared to my colleagues and those around me, which is what brought me here in the first place tbh.

 

[fatmanatee]

Well, I just landed high paying role. It starts in 2 weeks. I can't pay my rent this month. I haven't worked full time in 2 years. I'm having daily hallucinations, or I am sleeping all day. Not sure how this is going to work.

I have SN. I have just been sitting here thinking about the same question.

It's my birthday in two days. I'm almost 40 with nothing. I lost my daughter 18 years ago. Spent the last 10 years with 2 partners that said "I'll always be fat and disgusting", demeaned my body, or cheated on me. The last one steam rolled me and took all my friends. Not sure why I'd want to keep going.

Frankly, somebody else deserves all that money over me.

 

[andy69]

I was a philosophy teacher. But students are assholes. So, unemployment and suicide.

I taught sociology for a few years but was driven out of the field.

 

[Sisifos]

I was employed but I quitted so no , an ideal kind of work maybe but that sounds like a summer dream