worried that sn won't come and i'll be stuck here

[eggsausagerice]

dsl this dsl that blablablabla. i do get sick of talking about it myself. i don't know any alternative sources (that i can afford), so i feel kind of fried. i know looking at the status won't really help but i'd definitely feel a lot better about my life if the tracking status updated sometime this week. i'm just kind of tired of thinking and talking about sn and suicide in general because i've been contemplating it for so long. i think that if it comes then the method would be for me, because every other method seems inaccessible or harder to do when i don't have a car or a big budget. i've thought about doing worse things like drinking bleach or isopropyl alcohol during the summer and i'm glad i didn't, because i probably would've fucked myself up and put my family on high alert compared to them thinking i'm normal after getting released from the hospital in june. i don't want to shell out money on another source if dsl doesn't arrive, but i guess what i'm most likely to do because i see sn as the easiest method willpower-wise. i have been distracting myself and trying to do things in between me stressing out about the shipping status, but i just feel worn out that i can't even tell anybody that i'm prepping for my suicide besides other sasu people. this is the only place i can actually talk about it, but going on here on daily is really depressing. i'm afraid of waking up one day and it's already april. i feel like a coward for still being here and making posts when nothing i say even matters. i'm tired of talking about sn. it's literally just a salt.

 

[anomic]

I understand that feeling of isolation when you can't talk about your plan to other people. I am actually quite infrequent on this site due to how depressing it can sometimes be. I mean if you ever need to talk to someone my dms are always open!! (i know you stated you wouldnt however) I very highly discourage any non-methods such as bleach, cutting, rubbing alcohol, etc. I hope you get to feeling better soon and hopefully the odds turn in your favor and you get something useful to help guide you to peace.

 

[ShadowedChaos]

What you say does matter and hopefully it'll arrive soon for you. Coming here each day is kind of ritual for me too I guess it is kind of depressing to only have this place to talk about everything when people in your real life are completely unaware it's a lot of weight just to sit and know you can't say anything but also wanting to I hope your peace comes and hope your days don't at least drag on so long. Sorry that your in this hell hole of life but you can always take a break if needed let your thoughts recuperate and always post again later. I've been on here daily a lot recently so I understand the appeal and I'm glad you were smart enough to not attempt those methods I know some dumb people who did and also myself when I was a very dysregulated teenager it's not worth it and it probably wont even kill you stay safe for now.

 

[eggsausagerice]

still checking my parcel app. i haven't gotten anything. i'm worried i'll never update, even though it has to say something sooner or later. it's just hard to feel incredibly anxious that i've done something wrong to make it not arrive. i know it's taken less time for other people's sn to get out of customs. ouuuuuugh. ouuuughh...

 

[eggsausagerice]

some days i find things to distract myself with and sometimes i just think about how i could spend 15 dollars on an uber and wander around the woods with a flashlight to go hang myself. if i did that then i would stop feeling like a faker. i know that i'd probably end up wanting to take my sn on the same day it arrived because i don't have any real desire to get better or keep living when my life mostly consists of doing the same 5 things. what i want to do the most is to be able to schedule the suicide note i've had in my gmail since september to my friend that moved away. i've scheduled it to be sent so many times, but i would just keep cancelling it. i would rather have him know that i died instead of still be alive, because i know that i'm never going to recover just because his life got better. it feels like a waste to keep on being alive if i'm just perpetuating the life of a person that just takes up space. i don't want to keep existing if i know i don't matter to most of the people in my life. there isn't anyone that i'm staying alive for, because my parents didn't even want me to be born. i feel like i would've saved them more money and frustration if i killed myself in high school.

 

[whoisit]

Mine took 11 days to arrive

 

[aufrechtm7]

Mine took 11 days to arrive

I'm assuming you paid for express shipping?

 

[eggsausagerice]

Mine took 11 days to arrive

it might take me way longer if my sn has been in customs for 2 weeks. mine shipped on the same day but there hasn't been any updates since it was in customs

I'm assuming you paid for express shipping?

didn't know there was ever an express shipping option lol

 

[aufrechtm7]

it might take me way longer if my sn has been in customs for 2 weeks. mine shipped on the same day but there hasn't been any updates since it was in customs


didn't know there was ever an express shipping option lol

I sent an email and when I asked about shipping times I was told for an small extra fee shipping would be even quicker.

 

[metfan647]

Mine's been nearly a week in customs too. Didn't know about an express service...

 

[Yogih212]

dsl this dsl that blablablabla. i do get sick of talking about it myself. i don't know any alternative sources (that i can afford), so i feel kind of fried. i know looking at the status won't really help but i'd definitely feel a lot better about my life if the tracking status updated sometime this week. i'm just kind of tired of thinking and talking about sn and suicide in general because i've been contemplating it for so long. i think that if it comes then the method would be for me, because every other method seems inaccessible or harder to do when i don't have a car or a big budget. i've thought about doing worse things like drinking bleach or isopropyl alcohol during the summer and i'm glad i didn't, because i probably would've fucked myself up and put my family on high alert compared to them thinking i'm normal after getting released from the hospital in june. i don't want to shell out money on another source if dsl doesn't arrive, but i guess what i'm most likely to do because i see sn as the easiest method willpower-wise. i have been distracting myself and trying to do things in between me stressing out about the shipping status, but i just feel worn out that i can't even tell anybody that i'm prepping for my suicide besides other sasu people. this is the only place i can actually talk about it, but going on here on daily is really depressing. i'm afraid of waking up one day and it's already april. i feel like a coward for still being here and making posts when nothing i say even matters. i'm tired of talking about sn. it's literally just a salt.

I ordered from DSL too and am in a sort of similiar mindset right now. Nobody knows I want to CBT, they just think I am really ill right now. For me, it's only been 5 days now since my order but there haven't been any updates for the last 4 days. I hope something changes, my only hope to CBT is also SN, I want to live and act like I don't want to CBT, but my health situation is so dire I can't help but keep thinking about CBT to stop this suffering.

Mine took 11 days to arrive

Woow, are you from an European country too? And you ordered from DSL too? that would be great news.

I sent an email and when I asked about shipping times I was told for an small extra fee shipping would be even quicker.

I was so desperate I didn't even know there was express shipping but I came with the idea if it's possible for it to come sooner for 20-30 euros extra and they said yes surprisingly lol

 

[whoisit]

Woow, are you from an European country too? And you ordered from DSL too? that would be great news.

Yep im from nl.

 

[CenturiesEnd]

That really sucks. I myself postponed ordering even though I had planned to order from there a month ago or so. I wonder if the source really has been compromised. Really unfortunate SO many threads started popping up shortly after I had finally started putting everything together. Feels like it's the universe's way of making my life harder once again.

Btw, can I ask if you're also from the U.S.? Or if you know anyone who ordered from the states? Most successful shippings I've read seem to have been from European countries, closer to the seller. It's entirely possible that inter-continental shipping just takes much longer and more resources so waiting a few weeks for shipping is normal.

 

[Yogih212]

That really sucks. I myself postponed ordering even though I had planned to order from there a month ago or so. I wonder if the source really has been compromised. Really unfortunate SO many threads started popping up shortly after I had finally started putting everything together. Feels like it's the universe's way of making my life harder once again.

Btw, can I ask if you're also from the U.S.? Or if you know anyone who ordered from the states? Most successful shippings I've read seem to have been from European countries, closer to the seller. It's entirely possible that inter-continental shipping just takes much longer and more resources so waiting a few weeks for shipping is normal.

i dont think theyre compromised because I ordered 1 week ago and its out of ukraine and in latvia atm

 

[walliwalli]

i get it, i've also been worrying about mine not arriving. i've been so assured thinking about SN's fatality rate but didn't consider the delivery of it might fail LOL... i would feel so defeated if i had to order again and wait a couple more weeks. i want to have it by mid-april when my uni semester ends.

on another note: this seems to be a common topic lately, i wonder if we should make a thread for everyone in the US who ordered SN from DSL to share tracking updates with each other / say how long it took them if already received? might help us not feel like we're in the dark.

 

[polodu33.]

Hello guys,
I can't find DSL source could you give me an hint.

 

[walliwalli]

Hello guys,
I can't find DSL source could you give me an hint.

search in other threads please!! not really the right thread for this. there's plenty of threads with hints.

 

[eggsausagerice]

on another note: this seems to be a common topic lately, i wonder if we should make a thread for everyone in the US who ordered SN from DSL to share tracking updates with each other / say how long it took them if already received?

that's probably a good idea. a lot of people have ordered from sn this month so it makes sense. my friend from sasu who lives in the same state had their sn make it out of customs faster than me, so i don't know why mine is taking so long. i don't think that the source is compromised since other people still seem to be getting their orders.

 

[walliwalli]

that's probably a good idea. a lot of people have ordered from sn this month so it makes sense. my friend from sasu who lives in the same state had their sn make it out of customs faster than me, so i don't know why mine is taking so long. i don't think that the source is compromised since other people still seem to be getting their orders.

created!

thread for tracking SN DSL orders to the US

since a lot of people end up asking or wondering about SN DSL tracking updates, total shipping time, potential complications, etc... wanted to make a thread in hopes we could share our experiences and progress (i.e. tracking updates) here, so less of us are left feeling in the dark about the...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[eggsausagerice]

some days i find things to distract myself with and sometimes i just think about how i could spend 15 dollars on an uber and wander around the woods with a flashlight to go hang myself. if i did that then i would stop feeling like a faker. i know that i'd probably end up wanting to take my sn on the same day it arrived because i don't have any real desire to get better or keep living when my life mostly consists of doing the same 5 things.

having no reason to live and no support system i can rely on just makes me feel like a depressing person to talk to when i talk about why i want to kill myself. other young people still see a point in being alive and to older people i just look like i'm taking my age for granted when there's still a chance my life can get better. but i just don't care. and i can't relate to people who have people in their life they would miss, because i already lost my special person and i only have people in my life that don't care about me. it seems like no matter what, the grass is always greener for other people. some people could be jealous of how suicidal i am and how neglectful my parents are, so i could sneak out and kill myself any day i wanted. but i have no opportunity to recover because no one in my life actually wants me around if i'm open about being mentally ill. i just feel like i can't talk about how i'm really feeling to anybody. i've felt like this since i was young, since nobody could really understand why i've felt so depressed from such a young age.

i was laying in bed today because i'm sick with a cold and i was mulling over all the memories i've made. it's kind of hollowing me out. i really want to go outside more, but because i've been sick and really depressive lately i just don't want to go out even though it makes me feel better. i had a hard time sleeping last night because i was checking my status and i felt too sweaty to fall asleep. i don't want to be afraid. i know my friends will just end up replacing me or forgetting about me once i'm gone. i don't want to fuck up someone's life by getting too close to them when i'm about to die, so i just feel like no matter what i do i'm doing it wrong. i feel so ashamed of myself. i don't think that i have anything anymore, even if the person who i used to be still exists in other people's minds. i feel so much guilt.