Venting Working around loved ones

[LateDecember]

I've been at a family members wedding and being around my adoptive family and back in my home state temporarily made me feel like being alive, so I fucked up and called my partner and told her what I was feeling. This isn't the first time I've been suicidal and she's dealt with this before, but after talking to her this time I know I need to succeed on my next attempt. I can't survive and make her endure this again. She doesn't deserve that. She's such an amazing person and I want her to have a good life, but it's not like I can make her understand that my presence will absolutely prevent her from having that. Anyway, now I'm frustrated because I have to work extra hard to keep this from her. I'm already in therapy and lying to the therapist is such a pain. I don't know that I have the energy to convince her and my brother and my therapist I'm okay. I'm so frustrated with myself.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I've been at a family members wedding and being around my adoptive family and back in my home state temporarily made me feel like being alive, so I fucked up and called my partner and told her what I was feeling. This isn't the first time I've been suicidal and she's dealt with this before, but after talking to her this time I know I need to succeed on my next attempt. I can't survive and make her endure this again. She doesn't deserve that. She's such an amazing person and I want her to have a good life, but it's not like I can make her understand that my presence will absolutely prevent her from having that. Anyway, now I'm frustrated because I have to work extra hard to keep this from her. I'm already in therapy and lying to the therapist is such a pain. I don't know that I have the energy to convince her and my brother and my therapist I'm okay. I'm so frustrated with myself.

I guess I've never understood the benefit of sharing suicidal feelings with other people and less you are trying to recover… I personally don't feel like there's any way anybody can help me… I think it's possible other people can be helped and that there would be a benefit to sharing these feelings… But for me, it's already such a burden on other people To have them worrying…

 

[jodes2]

I've been at a family members wedding and being around my adoptive family and back in my home state temporarily made me feel like being alive, so I fucked up and called my partner and told her what I was feeling. This isn't the first time I've been suicidal and she's dealt with this before, but after talking to her this time I know I need to succeed on my next attempt. I can't survive and make her endure this again. She doesn't deserve that. She's such an amazing person and I want her to have a good life, but it's not like I can make her understand that my presence will absolutely prevent her from having that. Anyway, now I'm frustrated because I have to work extra hard to keep this from her. I'm already in therapy and lying to the therapist is such a pain. I don't know that I have the energy to convince her and my brother and my therapist I'm okay. I'm so frustrated with myself.

Do you really want to lie to them? I understand lying to your therapist so you don't get hospitalised but I like to be truthful to family and gf for quite a few reasons. Maybe I just enjoy the punishment but it means I can be sure to tie up loose ends before I go, it clears the air

 

[FuneralCry]

I would never see it as a good idea to tell those around us about wanting to die as I think that it would only make things worse. I would personally see it as best to write notes instead for them once I am gone. I understand that pretending to be not suicidal around others can be tiring, I'm sorry that you are in this situation. I wish you the best.