Venting Why?

[idkauser]

I've had my ups and downs before with depression but one thing I always keep consistent is school. I typically get A's and try to stay on top of my schoolwork, it was my distraction. But I've recently reached a new low I have 5 F's, am missing classes, and just have isolated myself from everything. Because in all honestly what the FUCK AM I DOING THIS FOR? I've been doing years of schoolwork that I don't even like all to go into MORE school, fall into deep debt from college, get a high paying boring ass job to just pay off THAT DEBT, and work for the rest of my life. Life is so exhausting. So many expectations, and things I need to do just to survive this fucking hell. I didn't choose to be here why do I have to follow everything they say? I don't know them. I don't even know if anyone is fucking real. PLEASE GOD I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT SCHOOL. Why do people care for me? Why? Why????? I'm really close with my dad. I've told him how I felt, how hopeless I feel about life. I thought it was time to get help. It's been two fucking years of waiting for help and the closest thing I got is a therapist I couldn't even talk to. I can't get comfortable enough to talk about it and get better. Fuck it took me two years to just tell my dad how am I suppose to confide in a complete stranger? Anyways I just want to either run away or ctb cuz the responsibilities of existing is becoming too much for me.
I'm sorry for the aggressive text lmfao I'm just upset, and sorry thank you to anyone that reads this.

 

[WornOutLife]

I see your point.
University and debts were exhausting for me but somehow I survived.
For what? I don't know. I've got a profession and good job and still wanna ctb. I just find life pointless and I'm not interested in what most normal people are. You know, working as a slave, having a family, getting married, etc.

Anyway, I hope you find "the light" and can find a solution for your problems.

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[Deleted member 22624]

People on FB or Reddit might give you more inspiration, some people love their lives for the weekends, others for the work itself, others for family

 

[Makko]

Excuse my ignorance but do you really need a particularly high-paying job to pay off college debt? How high are the interest rates where you live?

 

[WornOutLife]

People on FB or Reddit might give you more inspiration, some people love their lives for the weekends, others for the work itself, others for family

I can relate to this so much! I used to love my life only for the weekends! That's what allowed me to live for 33 years!

 

[idkauser]

Excuse my ignorance but do you really need a particularly high-paying job to pay off college debt? How high are the interest rates where you live?

My apologies you're right about the high paying part, I was being "dramatic" I guess but I just meant having to work a job everyday, and doing the same thing over and over again.

 

[Deleted member 22624]

My apologies you're right about the high paying part, I was being "dramatic" I guess but I just meant having to work a job everyday, and doing the same thing over and over again.

You seem to be putting that stage of your life down before you get there? It might be alright, I know I hated most of school too

 

[Makko]

My apologies you're right about the high paying part, I was being "dramatic" I guess but I just meant having to work a job everyday, and doing the same thing over and over again.

Think through what different jobs you could get with your degree. It's true that students fixate themselves on the few possible titles that give maximum pay and prestige, but if you can let go of that, a degree should also open up some options that have mediocre pay but are fairly comfy. Provided you're not majoring in basket weaving or something.

There are plenty of varied jobs. The "varied" jobs are usually also harder, but much less boring than the easy jobs. You can choose if you prefer something challenging and stimulating or something comfortable and low-stress.

Also, something to think about is that working is a lot less mentally cumbersome than studying. I was surprised to discover this.