Why is it so hard to reach out??

[Ashley_1988]

Hey

Do you know the crux when you want to let a loved one in- to be open about how bad you are doing, but when u actually attempt to ask for help- you feel like you lost the ability to speak??

I had to situations today, the fist one was when I was messaging my best friend but before she actually read that message I deleted it.
And some hours later i called my other best friend, when he picked up i was just crying telling him about work related issues (i am supposed to start a new job in only one week and I know I can´t do it) my sleep deprivation, anxiety attacks.. but I made it all look like it is only in relation to my job situation. Nevertheless he gave me advice how i can deal with that particular subject. But i did not have it in me to just tell him that I am thinking to CTB constantly on daily basis, the knowledge that i can´t be forced to live anymore is the only thing what makes me feel calm...

Everyone tells you to talk to people but its just so hard- when i try to hint how bad I am choking up..
And on the other hand i do not really want help I guess..letting somone in so deep you have to face the consequences..

if you know that feeling or have any advice you can replay..

 

[WornOutLife]

Talking about your problems with people is really difficult, especially about depression and suicide.
The sad thing is that even if you do it, most of them will only think about sending you to a psych ward or at least get you a therapist and psych asap.
I mean, what another thing could they do?

Non-suicidal people will never understand suicidal individuals.

 

[Callie Arcale]

For me it's hard because I am deathly tired, severely depressed and simply don't have the energy to do it. I literally don't have to energy to pick up the phone and talk about my problems, just the thought of doing it makes my knee buckle.

I think for others it might be hard because these are very difficult topics to deal with and as @WornOutLife pointed out non-suicidal people cannot relate to our situation or understand. There's always the risk of rejection or betrayal which makes it all even more dauting.

 

[saltshaker]

The only thing that awaits us is detainment and ridicule.

That intense stigma you feel is your mind screaming at you that talking about it is not going to be worthwhile. :(

 

[Ashley_1988]

thanks for all your messages, its just so fucking hard...
and i am also scared they want me to get myself admitted into a psych ward, or another reaction i am afraid of is if they downplay my feelings..like I am just having a bad phase and than I would not feel taken seriously as well...

Everything considered above, I guess I just try to work it out myself..somehow..(but to be capable to talk about that stuff openly here helps a lot thank you guys)