Why is it harder to ctb after a failed attempt?

[92MS]

Late last year I failed my first attempt (hanging) and then i made a second half-assed attempt that wasn't gonna work. Now it is really hard to just think/plan my third attempt idk if i have enough courage to do it again. Both times I ended up without having any side effects but idk when my luck runs out.

 

[motel rooms]

then i made a second half-assed attempt that wasn't gonna work.

Why?

 

[WornOutLife]

I think it's because we're more conscious of the consequences of failing.

As for me, I almost ended up in a psych ward last year! Instead, I got a 2-day coma, 1 month in hospital (got even covid there) and 5 months in prison! (my parent's house)

I can't fail again and I don't have the method to ctb.

It seems I'm gonna be stuck on this blue rock for some more years even though I don't want to.

 

[ShePastAway]

I think for me it's losing the energy to really, after suffering so long, I'm too exhausted to even try anymore. That, and being more aware of the consequences of failing.

 

[92MS]

Why?

Because I wanted to ctb still but couldn't commit to it like the first time
I kinda hoped somehow it will work

 

[the_final_countdown]

I find it equally challenging every time.

 

[Zinz]

I think its because we lived through the pain of surviving the first ctb attempt and fear living through the pain of a second one.
Like how for a while I cured my self harm with rubber bands around my wrists (where I don't self harm).
Id just snap them everytime I got upset and since its such sensitive skin I started hesitating to do it cause it hurt pretty bad doing it all day.
Then I just stopped all together for about half a year.
Eventually that went out the window though cause I don't self harm there and I can't be snapping a giant rubber band around my thigh all day in public.

 

[Roseate]

Late last year I failed my first attempt (hanging) and then i made a second half-assed attempt that wasn't gonna work. Now it is really hard to just think/plan my third attempt idk if i have enough courage to do it again. Both times I ended up without having any side effects but idk when my luck runs out.

I think it's the possibility of failing again. Like what if I fail again and wake up tomorrow to this fucking hell? And then don't even get me started about being hospitalized and everything that follows I presumed. I've never been smart enough to actually have a chance of succeeding in the past. It was half assed attempts. But it's fear I believe. And disappointment. You'll be disappointed if you were to fail.

 

[Octavina]

Because i messed up again, and now I'm even more pissed off with myself because this shitty country sectioned me against my will into a private psych ward for a month.
I can't fail again, I can't deal with these religious pro lifer nurses saying the same crap, plus the consultent is a pain in the ass, took me off my high dose of lamotragine cold turkey, I swear guys high up in medicine become so egotistical and have some kind of superiority complex because he sees my labels and puts me into that box, what a twat

 

[FuneralCry]

Probably because we are mentally exhausted, the first time we attempted to ctb we had expectations that it would work and now these are lowered. We are aware of how hard it is to die.

 

[Pookie]

Fear of failing again perhaps?