Why I’m still here

[NotOkay_]

I've been ready to CTB for months now but the truth is I'm afraid. I just want everything to be perfect. I hate having no control. My anxiety has gotten 100x worse the longer i put this off. I just need to do it.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm afraid too so I can totally relate.

However, I've given up on ctb for now. I just don't have the guts.

Anyway, fighting depression and anxiety everyday is so goddamn hard!

 

[Trisolaris]

No wonder you're still here, it's the hardest thing to do. People who haven't been suicidal don't understand how hard it is to actually accomplish.

 

[Symbiote]

Why the rush? Always wondered if there was someone or something in life that's making you hastily leave this world. For me, it's like the longer I stay, the more people I possibly hurt, the more money gets spent to save something in me, and of course my pride which has a never give up attitude.

 

[lostmyhope]

You never have to justify being alive. Nobody here is wishing for you to be gone. But fwiw, I'm in the same place. I hate being in this limbo where I don't want to live but also don't want to die.

 

[NotOkay_]

Why the rush? Always wondered if there was someone or something in life that's making you hastily leave this world. For me, it's like the longer I stay, the more people I possibly hurt, the more money gets spent to save something in me, and of course my pride which has a never give up attitude.

My health is getting worse by the day and this is a living hell

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

No wonder you're still here, it's the hardest thing to do. People who haven't been suicidal don't understand how hard it is to actually accomplish.

Unless you have a shotgun. I really want a shotgun.

 

[Buffy5120]

My health is getting worse by the day and this is a living hell

What health problems do u have?

 

[Avyn]

Committing suicide is definetly not easy...you're planning your death and killing yourself.
If you really plan on doing it and it's your only way out... you will have to fight that fear. I often overthink myself and try to plan everything possible, thinking through every scenario. The best thing you can do is just...ignoring your thoughts once you're about to cbt, but it's very hard to do.
I wish you good luck no matter if you choose to live or to cbt. It is your choice and no one can stop you!

 

[NotOkay_]

What health problems do u have?

I don't wanna talk about it, it's extremely triggering. X

 

[Makko]

Unless you have a shotgun. I really want a shotgun.

Shotguns were made for suicide. Any application for hunting, sport or combat is just an afterthought.

 

[NotOkay_]

Committing suicide is definetly not easy...you're planning your death and killing yourself.
If you really plan on doing it and it's your only way out... you will have to fight that fear. I often overthink myself and try to plan everything possible, thinking through every scenario. The best thing you can do is just...ignoring your thoughts once you're about to cbt, but it's very hard to do.
I wish you good luck no matter if you choose to live or to cbt. It is your choice and no one can stop you!

You're absolutely right hun

 

[makingsure4]

I kind of feel selfish for wanting you to stay alive. You bring so much to the community. :) And I've gotten used to that.

 

[NotOkay_]

I kind of feel selfish for wanting you to stay alive. You bring so much to the community. :) And I've gotten used to that.

Awwww thank you

 

[AQUA]

I've been ready to CTB for months now but the truth is I'm afraid. I just want everything to be perfect. I hate having no control. My anxiety has gotten 100x worse the longer i put this off. I just need to do it.

Know the feeling too well. Fully fed up of waiting as well, just need to grit my teeth and bite the dust.
Whatever happens hopefully, you get peace of mind

 

[NotOkay_]

Know the feeling too well. Fully fed up of waiting as well, just need to grit my teeth and bite the dust.
Whatever happens hopefully, you get peace of mind

Thank you my love xx

 

[cappuccinogirl]

So right. I get all ready and know I've got no choice but it's that last moment of actually doing it that seems to be so hard. Try to blank it out. Can't take benzos etc. This stupid desire to live when you know i have to accept I'm never gonna be well physically again. I'm so furious with myself. Wish to god I'd die in my sleep but looks like I've gotta keep trying at the hard way. Didnt work when i have managed to try. Some others seem to be so brave xxx

Committing suicide is definetly not easy...you're planning your death and killing yourself.
If you really plan on doing it and it's your only way out... you will have to fight that fear. I often overthink myself and try to plan everything possible, thinking through every scenario. The best thing you can do is just...ignoring your thoughts once you're about to cbt, but it's very hard to do.
I wish you good luck no matter if you choose to live or to cbt. It is your choice and nso

I feel for you hun. Love and hugs xx

 

[hurting75]

I feel for you , this exactly how I feel too, to scared to live and to scared to die, it sucks