Story Why Im on here / My story

[Blueberry Panic]

This isn't going to super long but I just wanted to give a small run down of why im here... and some of my trauma. I'll leave some things out so it doesn't become boring.

I've always had issues with myself,I never saw myself as a good person I might be extremely nice and help people when I can bit that doesn't make me a good person.
I've struggled with suicidal behaviors since I was 10 . Because I was raped as a child and the way people I trusted responded to it and how my family has treated me through my life I've always been self destructive.
I started self harming at 10 , started taking drugs and drinking alcohol at 12.
I went through the early years of my life trying to chase down dopamine and any type of acceptance from anyone who would have me.
I would have needless sex starting at 15 and I didn't realize the damage I was doing to myself.
I worked at a hospital and as a mortician and all I saw was death. It made me see that life truly has no purpose

I lost so many people through everything . every step on the way I'd loose parts of me until now I'm just barely a husk getting by.
I've had so may attempts and I didn't find this site until this year... I've met so many interesting people who have been suffering just like me . Some who are gone and who are still with us... this place brings me comfort when I'm feeling low because I can use the pain I feel to try and help others.

 

[DivineSpark]

Sorry to hear, you have been struggling and suffering.
I am glad I found SASU, I just wish I would have found it earlier. I have been struggling for last 10 years or so.

 

[RoseGirl]

Ur so sweet, trying to use ur pain to help others
It's so sad what's happened why are humans so evil :c people love to use mentally ill people for sex then abandon them fjug<h... I'm so lucky to have my girlfriend and that she is who she is otherwise I'd of probably destroyed myself with sex and drugs even more then i have now.
Uhm t~t ur one of my uhm favorite people on this site... Sorry for being weird and parasocial idk...

 

[Blueberry Panic]

Ur so sweet, trying to use ur pain to help others
It's so sad what's happened why are humans so evil :c people love to use mentally ill people for sex then abandon them fjug<h... I'm so lucky to have my girlfriend and that she is who she is otherwise I'd of probably destroyed myself with sex and drugs even more then i have now.
Uhm t~t ur one of my uhm favorite people on this site... Sorry for being weird and parasocial idk...

Awee I didn't really think people like me on here. I just try to hive advice from the views of someone who worked in the medical field. Thank you for your kind words

 

[dreadingthesharpnel]

This isn't going to super long but I just wanted to give a small run down of why im here... and some of my trauma. I'll leave some things out so it doesn't become boring.

I've always had issues with myself,I never saw myself as a good person I might be extremely nice and help people when I can bit that doesn't make me a good person.
I've struggled with suicidal behaviors since I was 10 . Because I was raped as a child and the way people I trusted responded to it and how my family has treated me through my life I've always been self destructive.
I started self harming at 10 , started taking drugs and drinking alcohol at 12.
I went through the early years of my life trying to chase down dopamine and any type of acceptance from anyone who would have me.
I would have needless sex starting at 15 and I didn't realize the damage I was doing to myself.
I worked at a hospital and as a mortician and all I saw was death. It made me see that life truly has no purpose

I lost so many people through everything . every step on the way I'd loose parts of me until now I'm just barely a husk getting by.
I've had so may attempts and I didn't find this site until this year... I've met so many interesting people who have been suffering just like me . Some who are gone and who are still with us... this place brings me comfort when I'm feeling low because I can use the pain I feel to try and help others.

that's horrible, I'm so sorry. I wish you much needed comfort.

 

[quietbird]

This isn't going to super long but I just wanted to give a small run down of why im here... and some of my trauma. I'll leave some things out so it doesn't become boring.

I've always had issues with myself,I never saw myself as a good person I might be extremely nice and help people when I can bit that doesn't make me a good person.
I've struggled with suicidal behaviors since I was 10 . Because I was raped as a child and the way people I trusted responded to it and how my family has treated me through my life I've always been self destructive.
I started self harming at 10 , started taking drugs and drinking alcohol at 12.
I went through the early years of my life trying to chase down dopamine and any type of acceptance from anyone who would have me.
I would have needless sex starting at 15 and I didn't realize the damage I was doing to myself.
I worked at a hospital and as a mortician and all I saw was death. It made me see that life truly has no purpose

I lost so many people through everything . every step on the way I'd loose parts of me until now I'm just barely a husk getting by.
I've had so may attempts and I didn't find this site until this year... I've met so many interesting people who have been suffering just like me . Some who are gone and who are still with us... this place brings me comfort when I'm feeling low because I can use the pain I feel to try and help others.

I'm not sure exactly what to say. I've seen you around and you are always so kind and sweet. I'm so sorry for how hard your life has been... sounds very difficult. And your trauma is not boring, your trauma is valid and important to talk about. A therapist would likely be the right person to help...if you were open to that. I think that you are a good person. You are a helper. And you are worthy of also being helped. I am glad you can find comfort here.

 

[jadeturtle]

thx for sharing. i think its a really cool background you have. i say that pretty nonchalantly. i and probably most people here got these types of life backgrounds. what can you do besides say its made you a more interesting, beautiful person? the broken crayon still draws a pretty picture and when the glass shatters on the floor it shimmers in all directions

 

[Blueberry Panic]

I'm not sure exactly what to say. I've seen you around and you are always so kind and sweet. I'm so sorry for how hard your life has been... sounds very difficult. And your trauma is not boring, your trauma is valid and important to talk about. A therapist would likely be the right person to help...if you were open to that. I think that you are a good person. You are a helper. And you are worthy of also being helped. I am glad you can find comfort here.

I don't think a therapist could help me at this point. I just need to be heavily medicated.
Thank you for your nice words.